Jayrekt

So about 8 days ago I relapsed very badly after a relationship ending (I'd be sober 8 months prior). I drank a litre of vodka every day for about 3 days, then ended up in the Hospital withdrawing like crazy. I was given two benzos and a plan for tapering. I started at 12 beers, then 10, 8, 6 then ended on 3 beers (cans of larger). I've been alcohol free for 3 days now and it's not like any other tapering off I've ever experienced. The week of tapering was actual hell, I a'm able to function now apart from a few things that are making life such a nightmare. My anxiety just won't calm down, it's also linked to lossing my girlfriend but it just circles round and round, which leads me on to my next problem - I haven't slept in three days really (even though I had valium for two of them) and lastly dry heaving when I even think about certain foods. I can manage fruits and vegg, but anything more than that just seems to make me instantly urge.. Yesterday it kinda sorted itself out and I was able to eat soups and a pizza, I thought I was out of the woods, but today my anxiety seems to be the same (horrible) and I'm back where I was with the pukey stuff. Is this kind of stuff normal after such a heavy taper? I just feel like I kinda took a step back today which feels linked to 0 sleep. I can feel in my body now that electrical anxiety that's going to chase me down all night tonight again as well. I have withdrawn before from binges but these symptoms seems to kinda of quickly phase out, where as this is three days after the last drink and it seems to be the same.. I guess I know the answer "it's way more than I've ever been used to so it will be much harder" Any advice on the sleep/food that doesn't mean getting benzos etc.. I'm also just bursting into tears all the time.. I guess i never realized how horrible it can really be. I do have therapy tomorrow which will be tricky on no sleep, but im sure sitting there crying for an hour will be something ..

thomas11

Hi Jayrekt, I feel for ya man. What you are going through I'm sure is pure hell. Unfortunately many of us have been there and there is only one way to get over it and that is wait it out. It will pass. I am a big proponent of food while trying to recover. I know you said you are nauseous, but maybe try eating some more soups and pizza today. When your body finally gets tired enough, it will sleep. I know I've done 48 hour stints of no sleep more times than I'd like to admit. Anyway, just wanted to offer my support. lastly, you don't have to go through this again if you embrace sobriety.

Jayrekt

Thank you. Yeah I'm planning to give soup a go soon. If I can say anything positive about this experience is that I will never ever put myself through it again. A full week of complete torture will always leave it's impact on me. It's only ever been mild for me in the past which made me push my luck. Never again.

Anna

I suspect it's the Kindling effect, which basically means that each withdrawal gets progressively worse and harder. You can google it, if you like.

I think it's great that you're seeing a therapist tomorrow and I hope that you feel better soon. For the food, just try to listen to your body and see what it's craving.

Nonsensical

A highly anxious state can be a highly creative state.
Creativity can be messy, so it is best to start in a clean space.
So...clean up your space.
Then create something.

I hope you feel better soon.

Jayrekt

Yep, I plan to be doing a lot of writing and poetry through the night .. Or maybe even sleep if I'm extremely lucky!

Midwest1981

I hope you feel better soon!! Thanks for sharing your experience it will help other people. The kindling effect is real and scary. Tea may help....maybe peppermint or something for your stomach.

Meraviglioso

I had a rough go of it last time too. I also had a lot of trouble eating but knew it was very important. Since getting down large quantities was difficult I tried to make sure that everything I ate had some sort of vitamins or nutrition in it. I ate a lot of bananas and yogurt- full fat. Soups are good too. Maybe an avocado? A smoothie with fruit and yogurt would be good.
My first real meal I had a steak and spinach, I could just feel my body sighing in relief for the calories, protein and vitamins.

DreamCatcher17

IMO, sounds like you have a lot going on from the alcohol abuse to the break-up. I feel there may be a little of both contributing to how your body is reacting.
Emotions and anxiety can have some weird effects on the body and then adding on the withdrawal and come down.
It may be difficult, but have you tried any form of exercise? Physically wearing out the body to hopefully sleep
Eat what you can, if it is only fruits and veggies so be it as they have a lot of good vitamins.
Have you considered an in patient treatment, maybe to deal with more than the alcohol? A counselor?

I hope you heal quickly!

Dee74

I hope you feel netter soon Jayrekt

D

Jayrekt

Hey, yes you're right, this is also a highly emotional situation that is making the anxiety wayyy worse than it should be at this point. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and have been out for a run this eve

Verdantia

Welcome, Jayrekt. As Anna stated, the kindling effect makes each subsequent withdrawal harder than the last; this has certainly been the case with me. The last time I drank almost two years ago resulted in my wrecking my car and nearly dying; I had been sober for nine months previous. Wishing you lots of peace and strength on your sober journey.

MindfulMan

You have been very strong through this.

My attempt at tapering ended up in medical detox and five days of rehab.

There's also outpatient therapy and various medications that can help. Ask your therapist. He/she may also be able to refer you to a good psychiatrist with addiction experience.

My take is to do the most you can to make this process as easy and comfortable as possible, while giving up a bit of control (we addicts need to realize that we actually have very little control) and some sort of program to help with KEEPING sober.

I did individual psychotherapy last, but if I'd had a therapist I certainly would have started there.

There are non-addictive drugs that aren't benzos or z-drugs that can help with anxiety and sleep. Ask your doctor.

Let us know how you're doing.

MissOverIt

Hang in there. I spent three days withdrawing last week and it really is hell. But you’re doing great and it’s so much better every day after. Like a couple of people of said- sounds like Kindling. It’s no joke and another great reason why my last detox will be my last. We can do this!!