So 'this' happened......
 

I don't post much but I had something happen Friday night that was so unexpected and I am still a little confused about it. Actually, a lot confused and well, pretty hurt too. I quit drinking over 6 months ago. This has not been a secret really, my family knows, my co-workers know, my friends know. I didn't 'announce' it, it just came up when I made major changes in my behaviour. And honestly, no one made a big deal out of it, they all said 'Good for you!' and that was about that.

I was having a bit of a meltdown a few weeks ago because we just went on a 2 week vacation with another couple we have vacationed with for 8 years. Booze was a BIG part of previous vacations and I was really really scared and nervous about this one. Long story short. It was fine.

So, my experience up to Friday was that my sobriety was mostly just 'yay for you, I am proud of you, way to go etc' and nothing more. On Friday I attended a Christmas party and there was a person there that was awful, just plain awful about it all. This person would just not stop bullying me about booze and drinking. Literally. After an hour of this, non-stop, I left the party. I was SO upset when I left. I have known this person for over 14 years AND considered them a friend.

I don't understand? Why did they care so much what I was or wasn't drinking. Why wasn't 'No' a good enough answer for them. Shouldn't saying that I was the designated driver been more than enough? What the heck was going on????

I am still a little upset about it. But wow. Just wow. Anyone else had this happen? How did you deal? I was taken so off guard.

I think when we do not drink, people with a drinking problem get uncomfortable. Is this person a big drinker?

In my experience, it's the heavy drinkers I know who have reacted the poorest.

Hi Meredith :)

I'd be interested to know if they are a big drinker. The only problem I ever had has been with drinkers who were terrified of non drinkers, or who wanted a drinking buddy so they didn't look so bad.

D

I don’t know sometimes why people do what they do.
Once someone wanted to keep talking to me about why I stopped drinking to the point of enough already!
Found out later his wife had a problem with alcohol and was going to rehab.
Maybe that was the case in your situation.
Who can say?

Misery loves company.

No one can force you to drink. Chalk it up as a situation to never put yourself in again.

Were they drinking when this came up?
Are they a heavy drinker?

The only ones who have had any issues over my non drinking ways are people who have their own issues with alcohol.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I have the same question about whether they are a heavy drinker.

You were smart to leave, you did what you needed to for your sobriety. If that happens again and the person is continuing to badger you, a firm no, and please do not ask me again is definitely reasonable, and so is walking away from the conversation completely.

Was this person drunk when they spoke to you. We have all said the wrong things when under the influence and never know when to stop - Perhaps this person is feeling insecure. I'm sure they will be feeling guilty now if they remember what they have said. You should not have to justify not drinking to anyone - its no-ones business but your own - just think of how horrible that person was feeling the next morning. Don't let it get you down - You're still sober and clear headed and that is what is important X

Echo the others with the comment about whether he's a heavy drinker.

There could be many reasons for this behavior- and none of them helpful to you!

Glad you left - and hope you can put this in the category of "he's a jerk (or behaved as such)" and I can't worry about it....and maybe steer clear of him til the possibility of this behavior doesn't bother you.

For me, gotta stay in my own lane and not worry about anyone who's a jerk to me (fortunately, I can't think of anyone who has been but I'm sure someone will someday!).

You're on the right path- keep going!

It would make more sense to me if this person was a heavy drinker. But as far as I am aware, he isn't. But I guess he could be. I really don't know I guess. He does drink and had a couple of drinks in him when this was going on. They are people in his immediate family that are heavy drinkers, so maybe it has something to do with what Maudcat said.

The questions about his behaviour are rhetorical questions and can't really be answered. I know this. No one can know why, he might not even know why.

I have just never been pushed like that up until now. At no point was I tempted to drink, there were other non-drinkers there but for whatever reason he singled me out and had at it and ruined the party for me.

If there's one thing I've realized during the past 20 years of sobriety, it's that most people don't act predictably. One of the reasons alcoholics are drawn to it is because we are sensitive to others to the point of detriment.

It sounds like the experience you had was striking! I'm glad you choose to get it off your chest. I usually just avoid parties and taverns. I can't relate at all anymore.

But you're a good example to others. You may not have a lot of confidence yet. But you will if you continue on.

I am so sorry that happened.

maybe ya saw for the first time what the friendship was based on-alcohol?

something on this:
and ruined the party for me.
something hard for me to accept is that NOONE ruins anything for me unless i allow it to happen.
when i accepted that, i was able to learn how to set boundaries and do it real quicklike

Just think of it as, you just passed another "test" on your sober journey.