The blues, the bashes, the booze - the next twenty-some days
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
The blues, the bashes, the booze - the next twenty-some days
If you're anything like me, Christmas can be a mixed bag. On the one hand, the lights and the festivities and the music and the atmosphere can call forth some warmth of good memories and family togetherness. It can be a palpable reminder of good times and of emotional experiences from early on in life that were positive and loving.
On the other hand, it can be fraught with sadness. Relived grief. Regrets can bubble up or echoes of shameful feelings can emerge from shadows. The lack of connection to family, friends, former relationships fractured, current relationships not accessible due to distance - all of it can yarnball into difficult feelings that surround the season with a bittersweet melancholy.
Creating the magic of the season for one's children can create a juxtaposition and dissonance when held up against one's developing sense of consumer frustration at the commercial madness of it all.
The parties, the events, the imagery, the whole wham-bangery of the glorification and omnipresence of BOOZE for the next month can be a big fat dangerzone - particularly in early sobriety.
I am dealing with some of that still, though moving to the end of my 4th year of sobriety I find I'm in a much more stable place. Still a little of the mixed-feelings - but mostly a resolve to make Christmas an enjoyable time with family, a time of giving and togetherness but on a scale that is reasonable and not about STUFF. I'm treating what I've determined to be SAD for the first time in my life with appropriate measures and it's making a big difference - so the blues aren't bad and the bashes don't interest me and the booze isn't even a hint of a concern.
BUT - for those of you struggling at this time of year here are some thoughts that helped me through years 1, 2 and 3:
Step up the exercise - finding physical outlets for challenging emotions and keeping the endorphins flowing was really helpful.
Plan your responses - have a SPECIFIC response ready for all the myriad situations in which booze will be offered to you this holiday season. It matters less WHAT the response is than that you have it, have it firmly rehearsed and ready to go. Don't allow even a millisecond's hesitation to be the reason you relapse.
Decide what to do INSTEAD - it was hard for me to turn down boozy bashes I'd been accustomed to attending. To hear about them. See the posts on social media. So I found that having a set of SPECIFIC things to do INSTEAD of Christmas parties (again, another vote here for exercise) was really helpful. I'll go skiing, I'll watch these ten specific movies I've been wanting to see, I'll read these books, I'll volunteer at this homeless shelter, I'll help with this particular holiday charity drive.... whatever.
Have some key allies - it's hard enough during 'normal' times but the holidays get even stressier and more vulnerable. If you don't already have a couple sober friends you can call when tempted, call to meet for a coffee getaway, be your 'wingperson' at functions you do attend - now's the time to line 'em up. The buddy system works wonders during the challenging times.
VISUALIZE - really build a proactive picture in your mind of a happy, sober holiday season. Describe it to yourself in as much detail as you can. Tell yourself how good it feels. Look up to those who have done it. Have a couple role models. Ask one of them how it feels to navigate the holidays sober. Paint that picture for yourself daily and visualize it actually happening.
Have an EXIT PLAN - so you're ready to go at a second's notice if at any time during the holiday season you find yourself resentful, sad, angry, upset, whimsical or downright careless and about to fall into alcohol's grip - you have a PLAN to exit the situation, get somewhere safe and sober, contact an ally for support and get free from the situation.
Don't fall victim to the blues, the bashes, the booze.....
Make this Sober holiday a beautiful time to remember.
On the other hand, it can be fraught with sadness. Relived grief. Regrets can bubble up or echoes of shameful feelings can emerge from shadows. The lack of connection to family, friends, former relationships fractured, current relationships not accessible due to distance - all of it can yarnball into difficult feelings that surround the season with a bittersweet melancholy.
Creating the magic of the season for one's children can create a juxtaposition and dissonance when held up against one's developing sense of consumer frustration at the commercial madness of it all.
The parties, the events, the imagery, the whole wham-bangery of the glorification and omnipresence of BOOZE for the next month can be a big fat dangerzone - particularly in early sobriety.
I am dealing with some of that still, though moving to the end of my 4th year of sobriety I find I'm in a much more stable place. Still a little of the mixed-feelings - but mostly a resolve to make Christmas an enjoyable time with family, a time of giving and togetherness but on a scale that is reasonable and not about STUFF. I'm treating what I've determined to be SAD for the first time in my life with appropriate measures and it's making a big difference - so the blues aren't bad and the bashes don't interest me and the booze isn't even a hint of a concern.
BUT - for those of you struggling at this time of year here are some thoughts that helped me through years 1, 2 and 3:
Step up the exercise - finding physical outlets for challenging emotions and keeping the endorphins flowing was really helpful.
Plan your responses - have a SPECIFIC response ready for all the myriad situations in which booze will be offered to you this holiday season. It matters less WHAT the response is than that you have it, have it firmly rehearsed and ready to go. Don't allow even a millisecond's hesitation to be the reason you relapse.
Decide what to do INSTEAD - it was hard for me to turn down boozy bashes I'd been accustomed to attending. To hear about them. See the posts on social media. So I found that having a set of SPECIFIC things to do INSTEAD of Christmas parties (again, another vote here for exercise) was really helpful. I'll go skiing, I'll watch these ten specific movies I've been wanting to see, I'll read these books, I'll volunteer at this homeless shelter, I'll help with this particular holiday charity drive.... whatever.
Have some key allies - it's hard enough during 'normal' times but the holidays get even stressier and more vulnerable. If you don't already have a couple sober friends you can call when tempted, call to meet for a coffee getaway, be your 'wingperson' at functions you do attend - now's the time to line 'em up. The buddy system works wonders during the challenging times.
VISUALIZE - really build a proactive picture in your mind of a happy, sober holiday season. Describe it to yourself in as much detail as you can. Tell yourself how good it feels. Look up to those who have done it. Have a couple role models. Ask one of them how it feels to navigate the holidays sober. Paint that picture for yourself daily and visualize it actually happening.
Have an EXIT PLAN - so you're ready to go at a second's notice if at any time during the holiday season you find yourself resentful, sad, angry, upset, whimsical or downright careless and about to fall into alcohol's grip - you have a PLAN to exit the situation, get somewhere safe and sober, contact an ally for support and get free from the situation.
Don't fall victim to the blues, the bashes, the booze.....
Make this Sober holiday a beautiful time to remember.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Good post.
I saw my psych today and we were discussing me, and my family holiday (issues
) and she mentioned having plans and others for support as being so important; two patients of hers relapsed over Tgvg and had not listened to anyone trying to tell them things like prepare ahead, have a strategy, etc.
Good stuff.
I saw my psych today and we were discussing me, and my family holiday (issues
) and she mentioned having plans and others for support as being so important; two patients of hers relapsed over Tgvg and had not listened to anyone trying to tell them things like prepare ahead, have a strategy, etc.Good stuff.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
FreeOwl thank you for your share and very helpful advice at this difficult time of the year for many . I will be implementing some of of your strategies . I find a walk round my village about 11 am is very beneficial ,especially this year as I WILL be sober and I will be so grateful for that .
Edit to say my previous post above was senseless please disregard .
Thanks
Edit to say my previous post above was senseless please disregard .
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: southeastern USA
Posts: 310
Thank you for this, FreeOwl! I plan to print this out and use it in formulating a holiday plan. I especially like your suggestion of imagining a meaningful holiday. Will journal about what I intend to do to make this Christmas meaningful for myself and my family and friends. Thanks, again!
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