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Urgent I messed up please someone help me

Old 12-04-2017, 04:20 PM
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Urgent I messed up please someone help me

I had a horrible day and dranked/drinking.. well let me tell you how it started.. went to work feeling great on day 12. My son who is a young adult has not been home in 2 days sent me a text saying he will not be home an has decided to move out today.. he says he is moving in with a old friend who has offered her couch to him.. i then ask him why this is sudden how come you wont just get your own place? He says he has decided that he wants to become TRANSGENDER and free... omgggggg he said he is now wearing makeup and wigs and will not be coming back home and going to start traveling the world. He THEN goes to tell me that the friend who is a girl is going to show him how to make quick money in miami.. shes a nude model/stripper.. my heart is so broken. Not by him being gay but the path he is taking. I just texted him anx his response was "ma im smoking a few blunts right now something i cant do in your house, call you later" i was so upset and hurt i picked up a bottle.. now im hurt in two ways.. i still have a 14 year old daughter i need to get sober for tho.. i need help
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:22 PM
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Just because you drank, doesn't mean you have to keep drinking. Pour it out now. Start over from now.
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:24 PM
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Lord have mercy...

Focus on your daughter, she's at a VERY impressionable age.
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:32 PM
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Your son will find way.

The main thing now is for you to stop drinking, focus on your daughter and your recovery.
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:34 PM
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Oh my heart breaks for you but honey you have to take care of yourself and your daughter, the rest will fall into place. Many hugs and prayers sent your way. Drinking won't make anything better, we all know that, all we all know it's hard. Be strong! XxxxOooo
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:35 PM
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Drinking certainly isn't going to help anything.
That's some pretty serious news you received. Handle it sober. Being drunk is just going to exacerbate the situation.
This can be a prime example that you can handle life on life's terms
As Dee said, it doesn't' mean you have to keep drinking.
My advice would be to sober up and handle things wit a rational mind,
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:39 PM
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That is a lot to take in! You can stop drinking now. It won’t make anything better. Your son is an adult, let him find his own way. Your daughter needs you.
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:50 PM
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:58 PM
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Stay sober and let him know that no matter what he does or where he goes, you’ll always love him, and he’ll always have a warm place to come back to.

His life is about to turn upside down in many ways; stay sober and be stability in his universe.
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Old 12-04-2017, 05:21 PM
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Originally Posted by AAPJ View Post
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....
True
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Old 12-04-2017, 05:30 PM
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It just hurts soooooo bad.. im in tears right now.. if he wants to move out im okay with that. But i can see the path he has chosen.. its deadly. I went to his facebook page and hes posting things about having sex with many many men, and offering oral sex.. oh lord where did i go wrong is what i keep asking myself.. i have always made sure he had the best schools, environments. He has always been provided the best. 6 months ago i moved him and his sister to a extremely nice suburbs where i pay so much for so they wouldnt have to be in a drug/ghetto environment.. why does he choose to go to the ghetto when he has so much here. I failed as a parent..
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Old 12-04-2017, 05:32 PM
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Hi Toni

I feel your pain for your son but I agree with everyone else that it's your daughter who really needs you to be sober right now.

D
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Old 12-04-2017, 05:37 PM
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I'm so sorry for the hurt you're experiencing over this, toni. As the others said - drinking won't do a thing to help - you need a clear head to deal with what's happening. I understand - I fell back on it many times, looking for comfort & to relieve my anxiety. Just the opposite happens - we end up weakening ourselves. Better to handle this with eyes wide open rather than being numb & foggy.

I agree with what Gilmer said - let him know you'll always love him no matter what. I'm sure your parenting skills had nothing to do with his current choices. Please be kind to yourself.
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Old 12-04-2017, 05:40 PM
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my daughter is taking it better than me... she just said " mama if he doesnt want to come home he doesnt have to, but since he moved out can we rent that two bedroom penthouse downtown, the three bedroom was to much but we now afford the 2 bedroom" lol now that made me laugh
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Old 12-04-2017, 05:50 PM
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As hard as it is for you, from what you've described I don't thinking "parenting" is the issue here.

I don't think anyone/thing could have changed this outcome.

As others have said, let him know you'll always love him(!)
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Old 12-04-2017, 06:24 PM
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I couldn’t imagine what you must be feeling but it sounds like you have a wonderful daughter and she will give you much more strength than any bottle. Keep your head straight for her and he Will figure it out.
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Old 12-04-2017, 06:58 PM
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drinking is not a solution. you need a level head.....you have a young teenage daughter that needs your full attention. remember, your son said he was high when he shared this.....he's young, exploring and experimenting, and likely to make silly/stupid mistakes. being under the influence yourself doesn't help matters........

dump the booze. keep a clear head. live by example.
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Old 12-04-2017, 08:20 PM
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I know you are heart broken. Its okay to be.
Your son/ daughter may or may not find his/ her way on that road but all you can really do is continue loving him/ her and offering stability. That means emotional and mental stability from you. The alcohol will only cloud your thinking and make this situation worse on you.

You have a lot of people here to lean on.
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Old 12-04-2017, 08:31 PM
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It is heartbreaking what you are going through, but as awful as your son made you feel, you can't allow that to interfere with the sobriety you are trying to achieve for your daughter, who is there for you. Your son needs to find his own way. It is difficult to deal with...let him know you love him but you won't let him negatively impact your sobriety.
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Old 12-04-2017, 10:36 PM
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Originally Posted by tonisherrell View Post
my daughter is taking it better than me... she just said " mama if he doesnt want to come home he doesnt have to, but since he moved out can we rent that two bedroom penthouse downtown, the three bedroom was to much but we now afford the 2 bedroom" lol now that made me laugh
Sounds like you have a pretty smart daughter, and she is going to need her mom as she navigates the teenage years. I agree with Gilmer as well, let your son know that you love him, and always will. Let him know his home will always be there for him, however, not with the drugs. Stay sober for you first, then your daughter, and finally for your son. He is making some pretty big changes, and is going to need the support of family and friends.
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