Feeling emotionally crushed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Southern Spain
Posts: 355
Feeling emotionally crushed
On Saturday evening I wrote an email to my father and said a number of things that have left me in a bit of a state. I wont go into extreme details, however, I know of 3 ex girlfriends who my father behaved inappropriately towards, in a sexual way. Essentially he came on to them and tried to kiss them.
In addition, when my daughter was a child, my father (according to her) touched her inappropriately whilst they were in a swimming pool. Also, 3 years ago when my daughter was 22, he came on to her and tried to get her to touch his penis.
The last incident totally ruined her relationship with him, and I have only emailed him a few times over the last 3 years. However, he was unaware that I knew anything about the other things.
It all came out on Saturday in that email. I ended the email with 'Just die'. On Sunday morning I email him again and apologized for saying those two words.
I have been carrying these incidents in my head for quite a long time and they have severely screwed me up at times. To have come out with it all has made me feel mentally very unwell.
I was wanting to know if SR members think that I have acted badly. Or, do you think that what I did was justified. Also, how do I get over the way I am feeling now. I feel like I am shattered into pieces.
Thank you in advance for any replies.
Shaun
In addition, when my daughter was a child, my father (according to her) touched her inappropriately whilst they were in a swimming pool. Also, 3 years ago when my daughter was 22, he came on to her and tried to get her to touch his penis.
The last incident totally ruined her relationship with him, and I have only emailed him a few times over the last 3 years. However, he was unaware that I knew anything about the other things.
It all came out on Saturday in that email. I ended the email with 'Just die'. On Sunday morning I email him again and apologized for saying those two words.
I have been carrying these incidents in my head for quite a long time and they have severely screwed me up at times. To have come out with it all has made me feel mentally very unwell.
I was wanting to know if SR members think that I have acted badly. Or, do you think that what I did was justified. Also, how do I get over the way I am feeling now. I feel like I am shattered into pieces.
Thank you in advance for any replies.
Shaun
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Shaun,
I am sorry to hear about everything that you have been living with for such a long time. It would be easy to dismiss a single incident as some sort of misunderstanding, but what you describe is a pattern of behavior--and it is your father. I don't wonder at your feelings right now. I can only begin to imagine.
I don't think it was a bad thing that you let your father know that you are aware of his ongoing bad behavior. And you have apologized for the last two words.
I think anytime someone we care about behaves badly, it is very painful. I hope you have support there and perhaps consider counseling? Sending warm wishes and healing thoughts to you and yours!
I am sorry to hear about everything that you have been living with for such a long time. It would be easy to dismiss a single incident as some sort of misunderstanding, but what you describe is a pattern of behavior--and it is your father. I don't wonder at your feelings right now. I can only begin to imagine.
I don't think it was a bad thing that you let your father know that you are aware of his ongoing bad behavior. And you have apologized for the last two words.
I think anytime someone we care about behaves badly, it is very painful. I hope you have support there and perhaps consider counseling? Sending warm wishes and healing thoughts to you and yours!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Sorry, I don’t think that you need to think of the offender’s feelings at this point.Think of those he assaulted, his victims — and yourself, while you cope to adjust to this awful truth. Sexual abuse leaves scars for years and if you take your job as a parent seriously, your daughter should never have to see her grandfather again. Ever.
Now is the time to protect your family and your emotional well-being. “Just die” comes from a place of righteous anger.
Now is the time to protect your family and your emotional well-being. “Just die” comes from a place of righteous anger.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 279
Wow. That is a lot to deal with. The only person who has acted badly here is your father. You apologized for you hurtful words. Think of your daughter and yourself. If you can, seek counseling. I think it would be justified to move forward with your life without him being a part of it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I'm not sure if there is a "best" way to deal with this - we are talking about some really intense, personal, hurtful things. I hope through all of this that you utilize your supports and continue to take care of yourself. And keep talking/processing....so important. Resentments kill people like us.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear that Shaun. I'd also recommend seeking help for yourself and daughter to deal with your own trauma/issues. You certainly have some anger and it would be best to deal with it in a way that will help you and your daughter moving forward. Counseling would be a good start I think.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 634
You did not act badly at all. People cut their parents off for WAY less. You are perfectly justified to feel the way you do. As others have said, take care of yourself and your daughter, get help where you can.
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