Meraviglioso

The resentment prayer posted above has helped me immensely. I mean to the point I cannot even believe it. I was in furiously deep with all consuming resentment (among a wide variety of various other emotions) towards my ex-psychiatrst. I won't say that it caused me to relapse, because I relapsed because I am an alcoholic, not because of another person, but... nearly all the times I relapsed were intrinsically linked to something that had happened regarding him. I was told to read a particular story in the Big Book called "Freedom From Bondage" and it completely changed my outlook. I realised I had been playing up my victim status and hanging on to my resentment for dear life. In this story the woman talked being told to pray for the person she has resentments towards. I decided to give it a try, I was desperate to be free of this torture. It legitimately worked for me. Seriously, I cannot even believe it. It was so all-consuming, so frighteningly strong and deep in me I was sure that I would never be free of it. I have been seeing another psychologist and have spent hours in therapy trying to heal from this but nothing has brought about the progress that this simple act of praying for him has. Truly amazing stuff. I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't actually experience it. I am still ridding myself of the last bits of this, I don't know how long it will take but I am so impressed with the peace I have found so far I will keep praying for him. However, freeing up some of my headspace and emotions has given me the opportunity to work on my part in the situation and really start to address my own character flaws that may have come into play. Not just in the situation but life in general too, I feel like I am finally able to clear away the mess of resentment, blame and feeling like a victim and just getting on with getting better and growing. It feels great.

Please don't misinterpret the above to mean I am trying to say that you have character flaws or you are playing the victim, etc etc. That is only for you to evaluate. I just really wanted to post about the resentment prayer because it has been life changing for me, I found it really to be that effective.

HopeandFaith1

Hmm. I feel for you. On one hand I definitely like Berrybean's advice. And it definitely helps to pray for others, and serenity, clarity, and understanding. I do it all the time. On the other, I would find it offensive and distracting to have to hear about this at work. We are there to do our jobs and earn a paycheck, not to be subject to someone's temper tantrums or their emotional dumping ground. So no, I would not tolerate it honestly. I would tell her politely and professionally that I will no longer hear of such talk because it is distracting and it offends me. If it continues then have a meeting with her and your manager or HR. It's going to be hard to establish this boundary now but this is work, not her personal dumping ground. I am very sorry. Good luck and congrats on 81 days!!

AshleyB

[QUOTE=Berrybean;6694448]Well, you're gonna do what you're gonna do.

Me personally, I know I didn't get well-er on this recovery malarkey by focussing on other people's character defects. I needed to focus on the logs in my own eyes before thinking about the specks in other people's.

BB[/QUOTE

When those character defects affect you in a negative way in the work place where it's not acceptable and then it becomes an issue. It's totally OK to focus on it, bring it to light...come up with a solution and move on. ABSOLUTELY

DontRemember

In all seriousness..Just be upfront and tell her how you feel. Obviously use a calm tone/voice,but just set her ass straight and set some workplace boundaries of what you're willing to listen to and what you don't want to hear about.

Edit: Ooops...looks like you already did this. No offense to anyone,but prayers,to me, only get you so far when dealing with something happening at your workplace. If it's making you uncomfortable,to the point you feel like leaving, 'it' needs to be addressed asap! This isn't a family member,friend,ect..causing the stress.. It's a co-worker. If you need to, get management involved.

Berrybean

Aha. I know what you mean. Thing is, if she doesn't want to change then its unlikely you or anyone is going to solve her issues . Focussing on and bringing other people's issues to light. Hmmm. Not my side of the street. I have my own imperfections to take care of before I appoint myself workplace judge and jury, no matter how tempting it is when other people infuriate me. I was told it's a good idea to ask myself...
Does it need to be said?
Does it need to be said now?
Does it need to be said now by me?

If something is disturbing me I need to ask myself why it's getting to me so much. This often helps me figure it out...

God, I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired,
loved,
praised,
favoured,
accepted,
consulted,
well known,
and honoured.

I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised,
ridiculed,
humiliated,
falsely accused,
persecuted,
disbelieved,
despised,
and forgotten.

Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I,
praised when I am unnoticed,
chosen though I may be set aside,
preferred to me,
and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.

Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.

I usually know which in the list is causing me the problems as it causes a little uncomfortable twinge when i read it (or sometimes even makes me feel angry).

Usually it isn't the other persons actions or words that cause me the main problem, unless it's a physical assault. It's my own emotional reaction to what is going on that is causing the discomfort. If I can change that then I don't need to keep trying to change people, places and events that are beyond my control.

While I put my focus on other people and their issues and behavior and faults, my focus is off the most important thing - my recovery. I've fallen into that trap before and it doesn't make for comfortable sobriety.

Anyway. That's just me.

Good luck however you decide to deal with it.

BB

tomsteve

there was a huge character defect of your own glaring there,too-why you were allowing it to happen. that woman has absolutely no chance of affecting anyone in a negative way unless its allowed it to happen.
i think thats part of what BB was getting at-why was it allowed.

AshleyB

I just told her in a very lighthearted way. I know I cannot solve her...i'm not trying to...I'm trying to enforce a better work environment for myself & others. She doesn't have to change anything. I just had to change something for ME and my sanity lol

AshleyB

I agree. 100%