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“Go Against the Grain” Weekender, Nov. 30-Dec. 4, 2017 When I tell you to “go against the grain,” maybe you’re thinking I mean “buck the tide” or “be a rebel.” That’s not what I mean. Lord knows many of us have been doing exactly that for far too long, isolating ourselves with our addictions and refusing to buckle under to anyone’s better judgment. I mean go against the grain in a different sense. When we first stop drinking, we often can’t look too far ahead: we’re forced to live from minute to minute just to survive. It’s only a bit later that we are stable enough in our sobriety to look around and take stock of our lives. We may be faced with bad situations. Sometimes we’ve dug our own holes; sometimes it’s just life. When we stop drinking, we become much more rational. We may find that some things get better as a direct result of our improvement in behavior. It is exhilarating when we can see progress quickly. Sometimes we find we need to make real changes for our own survival. But sometimes we’re just stuck in a bad situation. We can’t stand it. We’re patient—for awhile—and we approach it from every angle in an effort to make it go away—but we can’t. Resentment can build. It really doesn’t seem fair at this stage of the game, and our feelings are completely justifiable. We have every right to be frustrated. But in order to break through from bare-bones sobriety to real recovery, we’ve got to go against the grain and put aside the bitterness. The AA Serenity Prayer says, “Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” What does it mean to “accept?” Does it mean to just sit down, shut up, and allow bad circumstances to wash over us with no protest? No. To accept is not to give up. Rather, we need to make our full and best investment in life as it is. There is another saying in sobriety circles: “Do the next right thing.” In everything, be kind. Be just. Be prudent. Treat everybody as you would want to be treated. Give life your very best. Don’t dwell on the unpleasantness of your situation, because rehashing won’t do a thing to change it. Not only does it serve no purpose, but it depletes the emotional resources you need to deal with things sensibly. When we choose to divert our minds to better things, we are not somehow abandoning our post or failing to “keep vigil;” we are simply preserving the equilibrium we need to thrive. So go against the grain. Refuse to let negativity dominate you, even if it looks like you’re going to be stuck with it for awhile. Go out of your way to do wholesome things that bring you joy. Treat yourself well today and from now on. Have a clear and wonderful weekend! |
shotgun. Now that that's safe, thinks for the starter, Gilmer. Go against the grain, huh? That's easy! I was born for that! Just ask my poor long-suffering Ma. I suspect that's not what you meant. This holiday season there will be lots of parties and, "going against the grain," as far as [not] drinking alcohol will be my plan. Third sober Holidays. |
Way to pounce like a tigress, Bim! :lmao |
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That's a terrific thoughtful opener Gilmer - thank you :) D |
You’re welcome, Dee. :) Thank you! :) |
Great post, Gilmer ~ Thank you! A lot to think about....I am in for the weekend! :c017: And I love the kitten ~ just too stinkin' cute! :kitty: |
Hi, Purps! |
Welcome, MNJen! |
I'm in guys. Thanks for always being here. |
Very good opener Gilmer. Thank you. Company party this weekend Looking forward to dinner and a dance with Mrs. Dragon. We don't get out much. Have planned to sit with a 'normie' co-worker (and friend) whom I respect and also plan to leave shorly after dinner. |
I am in, too. On a brief trip...left today, back home Friday night. Great opener, and right along the line of things I have been mulling over...gee I thought I was the only one. ;) Yes. The kitten. Oh my. |
I'm in! great opening post Gilmer :thanks I'm going against the grain, & the grape too :) |
Originally Posted by Gilmer
(Post 6690750)
When I tell you to “go against the grain,” maybe you’re thinking I mean “buck the tide” or “be a rebel.” That’s not what I mean. Lord knows many of us have been doing exactly that for far too long, isolating ourselves with our addictions and refusing to buckle under to anyone’s better judgment. I mean go against the grain in a different sense. When we first stop drinking, we often can’t look too far ahead: we’re forced to live from minute to minute just to survive. It’s only a bit later that we are stable enough in our sobriety to look around and take stock of our lives. We may be faced with bad situations. Sometimes we’ve dug our own holes; sometimes it’s just life. When we stop drinking, we become much more rational. We may find that some things get better as a direct result of our improvement in behavior. It is exhilarating when we can see progress quickly. Sometimes we find we need to make real changes for our own survival. But sometimes we’re just stuck in a bad situation. We can’t stand it. We’re patient—for awhile—and we approach it from every angle in an effort to make it go away—but we can’t. Resentment can build. It really doesn’t seem fair at this stage of the game, and our feelings are completely justifiable. We have every right to be frustrated. But in order to break through from bare-bones sobriety to real recovery, we’ve got to go against the grain and put aside the bitterness. The AA Serenity Prayer says, “Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” What does it mean to “accept?” Does it mean to just sit down, shut up, and allow bad circumstances to wash over us with no protest? No. To accept is not to give up. Rather, we need to make our full and best investment in life as it is. There is another saying in sobriety circles: “Do the next right thing.” In everything, be kind. Be just. Be prudent. Treat everybody as you would want to be treated. Give life your very best. Don’t dwell on the unpleasantness of your situation, because rehashing won’t do a thing to change it. Not only does it serve no purpose, but it depletes the emotional resources you need to deal with things sensibly. When we choose to divert our minds to better things, we are not somehow abandoning our post or failing to “keep vigil;” we are simply preserving the equilibrium we need to thrive. So go against the grain. Refuse to let negativity dominate you, even if it looks like you’re going to be stuck with it for awhile. Go out of your way to do wholesome things that bring you joy. Treat yourself well today and from now on. Have a clear and wonderful weekend! |
Hi, gang! Welcome, Jek! |
Hi Glimer! Love the thread, I need to go again the grain very bad i am very negative, it seems to me i do something good and always something bad comes to ruin it. day 37 for me, so very surreal. its weird i am still dealing with backlash from my drinking and lots of weird consequences. |
and i messed up my signature :chairshot is soon big :headbange |
The bigger it is, the deeper it will be burned into your memory! :) |
Fantastic post Gilmer. Not drinking (or drugging if that's your thing) is going against the grain in the beginning but it gets less uncomfortable in time and is ultimately a lot more satisfying than the easy option of reaching for the bottle, which never provides any solutions to life's difficulties, no matter how many times we take that route. We have in peak party season now where normies behave more like we used to. It is always a pleasure not to be THAT person at the works or office party. |
I'm in! Putting aside the bitterness - accepting life as it is. I'm getting better at this as time goes on. Early on, I spent a lot of time feeling resentful and almost angry that life had dealt me the card of being an alcoholic. Why me? NOT FAIR! And I had resentments against people in my life that I felt had wronged me or spoken badly of me. I had to let those resentments and that anger go. Not easy - but in AA we learn that those resentments harm no one but ourselves, in the long run. Is it OK and normal to feel anger and resentment at times? YES. But it's how we choose to deal with it that makes all the difference. Today I choose to look at MY ROLE and keep my side of the street clean. Others will do what they are going to do. I can't control that. All I can control is my reaction. When I was still drinking I had a very close friend who just dumped me one day. I was hurt, angry and totally confused. It was very painful. She just ghosted me and when I see her now, she still gives me the cold shoulder. I still don't know exactly why, but now, years later, she still holds some sort of grudge, and I have let it all go. She's only hurting herself. I have risen above it. I'm polite and even friendly to her when we happen to be in the same social gathering. I do not want to be her friend ever again, but I had to realize that whatever it is I did to make her dump me, I can't go back and change it. I'd like to know what it is, so I can apologize or explain, but she seems to have no interest in having that conversation. All I can do now is try to do the next right thing every day. As for this weekend - I'll have 3 years sober on Monday. My best friend is taking me out for a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant Saturday night to celebrate. I also plan to spend some time making a gratitude list and quietly reflecting on the progress I have made, and how my life has improved in pretty much every way. These milestones mean a lot to me. Early on I didn't understand how people in AA meetings could say they are grateful alcoholics. I get it now. There's no way I would have made the changes I have made in my thinking and habits if I had not been an alcoholic and been forced to take a good hard look at myself. Grateful, indeed. |
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