Pressmetilihurt

Today I marveled at the opportunities I have in my life when I’m sober. I get to have relationships. Show up clear headed for events. I evened hugged my ex’s new boyfriend today. (I did say something a bit snarky to him but it’s a start). I’m looking forward to not living in resentments and old hurts. But that’s also life. I’m also afraid because I know taking Antabuse is a huge factor. I don’t have the option to drink. But I do choose to take the Antabuse. Well, it’s a bit coerced. If I don’t follow thru on the treatment plan with my therapist I agreed to go to inpatient. F@$&! I just scared myself. It seems so easy to just go in, do my morning group and take my Antabuse but it’s a hassle. I screw up hassles. I think the heart of this is admitting to my innermost self that I don’t have control over this. That’s humbling. I find it humiliating actually. Everyone in there from the reception staff to the nurses and therapists know I am out of control. I feel like there’s this red LOSER stamp on my forehead. Rambling. I’m grateful tho.

Dee74

One day at a time press.. you can do this

D

hpdw

Hi Press your doing well . This is not a preach but your post shouts out non acceptance of your addiction to alcohol . The feelings you feel are normal at first, the shame of "this is actually me?" in this facility please accept this is you ,embrace this acceptance because your alcoholism won,t just clear up and go . Once you fully accept you will feel better .
This is how it was with me anyway , I failed to accept and kept trying to drink normally but I crossed that line a long time ago and each time I drank after no matter how long sober I felt ill and miserable .

Pressmetilihurt

Thank you for that. Yeah acceptance. I’m an alcoholic! It’s not a game. I want a shirt that says “I am powerless over alcohol”

Hawkeye13

But by not drinking, you are taking your power back.

DesertDawg

My guess would be that, rather than judging, these people are professionals, and deal with this day in and day out. They view this with a clinical eye and are beyond judgment. Beyond that, I went to inpatient treatment and decided that my life was more important than a temporary bruise of my pride, which was mostly a figment of my imagination in any case.

Midwest1981

every day you are getting stronger! Keep up the good work.