S13

Id got to day 70 and was feeling good on the whole but very anxious and emotional last week, I'm a single parent with no friends so get lonely, anyway a work colleague asked if I wanted to go out on Friday. I thought why not I should be going out it will be fine, 2 bottles of wine later I'm walking round strange streets on my own in middle of night trying to find house of boy I had crush on. I'd been ringing and texting him obviously he had ignored me as not interested, but drunk me not having that, so I start knocking on random doors to see if anyone knew where he lived, great idea I thought!!!! My jeans are soaking as I've fallen over in puddles but luckily it was a kind lady who opened door and rang me a taxi!!! God knows I'm so lucky. I still feel ill today and the shame is crippling!!! What is wrong with me why can't I control myself or act normally, I've no desire to drink again as know deep down I can't ever or something really bad will happen. I just really hate myself for this, I tried so hard to be a good person and good mother now I just think I'm a total mess and failure and no wonder I've got no one as who would want to be near me.

ChloeRose63

Glad you are safe. It happens to all of us. I have been thinking alot about past relationships, too. Even having bad dreams the past few nights. I probably would have done the same thing after 2 bottles of wine. But, now, we live and learn how to get thru it without alcohol. Hope you feel better soon.

Jek1126

Hi. I’m very new on here and to recovery but I know the feelings you are experiencing well. The shame and anxiety and embarrassment of what you did or said while drinking the night before. You feel like you’ll never feel ok again. But please don’t be so hard on yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but beating up on yourself isn’t going to change what happened. We can’t do it over, we can only do better.

You’ve done it before and you can do it again! I don’t have any answers really as I’m only 8 days sober myself, but you’re worth another try. We all are. You have my support as well as the support from everyone on here. All the best, luck , and prayers coming your way.

Keep us posted on how you’re doing. You can do this! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Stronger2017

I can understand your situation. I was so scared of going out at night with friends. It was a lottery whether I’d get home in one piece or not. When I get the thought to drink in social situations now (as I did this weekend) I try to remember the odd situations I would find myself in at the end of a “big night out”. It’s great we don’t have to end up there anymore. Glad to see you back🙂

S13

Thank you for your kind comments, it does help not to feel so alone. I guess I just try again only try harder and fully accept as much as I wish I was, I'm not normal, and I can never drink in any circumstances. I can't cope with ever feeling like this again.

CreativeThinker

S13,

As many here have said, we've all been there done that. What helps me stay on track is to remember exactly how I felt the last time I relapsed. You CAN do this!

Silverback4

WE all want to be near you so stay close on here.

The ill feeling and the shame will pass, just get back to the business of being sober and Friday nights shame will fade.

Wishing you all the best and please keep checking in.

Midwest1981

how are you feeling this evening?

I have done similar things so I definitely remember the shame. It will ease up. Take it easy today.

S13

Thank you, I've felt wracked with guilt and shame and remorse all day my anxiety is off the scale, hate myself, but I no I must try to move forward and restart, the past 2 months with no alcohol had been so good. I'm so stupid for Friday all I can take from it is a very scary confirmation that alcohol can not be part of my life and I must never let my guard down. I appreciate all the kind comments and support.

Midwest1981

S13- You can get back on track and pick up where you left off. Friday was embarrassing and an awful experience but if you learn from Friday it can really strengthen your resolve to remain sober.

I kept having relapses after 1 or 2 months and I ended up getting drunk and doing some stupid things I felt really shameful about and I have been sober for 18 months now. It was a real turning point for me.

Hevyn

S13 - You are not alone. Once alcohol is in my system, I'm a completely different person. That's one reason I had to stop - I never knew what would happen once I started drinking - I put myself in danger many times.

Please don't allow this embarrassment to crush you. You've come back and talked about what happened - that was hard to do. Be proud of yourself for seeing what needs to be done - you've learned something valuable. Now you're ready to get back to your sober life. We know you can.

least

Stay sober and the shame will fade with time.

resolute50

Whatever we do in life, good or bad we need to learn from it.
Get over it, stop beating yourself up. Dust off and LEARN from it.
Use it the next time the urge comes to go out again.
It works, it worked for me. And that was 4 1/2 years ago and counting.

resolute50

Oh, and thanks for visiting us again. Pat yourself on the back for that. Far too many have a set back and never return here for help or inspiration.
You did, and that shows you're determined. And that is a very good thing.

Dee74

Welcome back S13.

Stop beating yourself up., Changes nothing.

Save that energy for where it's needed- building a strong recovery action plan.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

S13

Thanks again for all your comments it's helped so much, I woke up early today alcohol withdrawal insomnia again I guess, and I feel shattered, but I do feel more calm and looking forward to feeling good again and moving on alcohol free again. I'd forgotten what a waste of weekends drinking caused too, I'm not going to let myself down again I want my life alcohol free for good.

Berrybean

Good morning S13.

So, what did you learn from that slip that will help you make your sobriety plan more watertight? What are you going to add to your recovery to make it sustainable this time.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Only we can be the catalyst for that necessary change.

BB

misscostalot

Hi there, Firstly, I am glad that you are ok! I don't know how many times that I have went on such an alcohol fuelled mission. . . I really believe it is because alcohol accentuates our feelings of loneliness and we crave company and affection. You are not alone and don't worry about what the guy thinks. . . people will want to be near you, I promise!!