Almost drank today
 

I skipped my Antabuse dose this morning. The day sucked. I always get anxious and down for the holidays. I only have my son one day and I worry I’m not good enough. I went to a meeting that was dismal. Not all meetings are uplifting. The rest of the day I just sank into darkness. I started ruminating on death and suicide. I don’t want to die but it’s hard to feel any zest for life. I knew drinking would make the feelings die for an instant but I also knew I’d feel a deeper loss of hope. Tomorrow I will hit another meeting. Maybe two. I’m not sure. Just glad I didn’t drink. I want to to trudge the road of happy destiny but my brain isn’t feeling rainbows and unicorns.

I think you have to run on faith to a certain extent Press - and I'm not even talking religious faith...I mean faith that staying sober and working on your recovery will get you to where you want to be.

It's not an easy task and it's a lot of hard work for a while...and the days when you feel least of all like doing something are the days you absolutely halve to make the effort.

whats the alternative really? going back to drinking?

I had a very bad self image and very low self esteem...The only way I got through that was staying sober. Eventually my perception of myself and the world lightened and I began to see I wasn't a bad guy at all but I'd conditioned myself to think I was - it made writing myself off with drugs and liquor easier.

If you're feeling really low why not see someone about it? A dr, therapist?
Maybe ring a crisis line?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html

You wouldn't be the first person who'd been self medicating treating depression with booze, Press?

I think you're a good guy and I believe you can do this. Use all the support you can muster until you believe it too :)

D

Just wanted to show my support, Press🙂 I’m proud of you for not drinking today. It will get better.

Hang in there... 🤗

Hi Press, I am rooting for you, great job not drinking today. in my experience alcohol would height those suicidal feelings, the misery would get real then.

you are good enough don't let your brain lie to you into believing you are not. go to different meeting move around every meeting is different and you will find one you like.

listen to yourself so you can identify when you are in trouble so you can ask for help. reading your post the fact you skipped antabuse just make me stop in my tracks, if i do that or other similar behaviors i know that deep down I'm preparing to drink.

get ahead of your head and take care of yourself. happy thanksgivings!

Good job not drinking

It does get better--it did for you before and it will again.

Take the Anabuse and think about doing something fun with your son
like maybe a hike or some board games.

You're sober, you're spending time with him--you are plenty good enough.

Hang in there, Press, unhappiness is just a state of mind and you are the master of your thoughts.

Press,

I get down too. I don't want to die either, but sometimes i want to lash out at people for treating me some perceived bad way.

For me, i go back to the fact that my actions got me into this state and the more i take responsibility for it, the more i am in control.

I went to a show last night and this comedian was talking about how he road the bus to the show today.

He said...im not living way high and rich...but i am not living in the streets and low. I totally needed to hear that.

I get down periodically every single day and it gets fatiguing. I know going to a therapist might help but today w have a personal therapist in our pocket.

I google, how to get out of a funk, and boom 10 pages show up.

I am positive it is exactly what a therapist is going to say...minus the stigma, for me.

Plus i work out which makes me very happy.

I was offered a margarita yesterday. No thanks. Everyone that was drinking had 1 maybe 2 drinks. What is the point of that?

Get euphoria for 15 minutes and then get sleepy. Doesn't make sense anymore now that the physical addiction is gone.

Thanks.

Every day we don’t drink is a win. Alcohol was our solution, until we realized it didn’t work. We have to find an alternative

I’ll say simply not drinking doesn’t work. We have to tackle what makes us want to drink - ourselves. What is it about me that drives me to drink? That is the $64 million question.

Sorry I relate to your post. Just thinking out loud.

Hang in there