I am feeling guilty and need your input.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 20
I am feeling guilty and need your input.....
I started my journey to sobriety on November 4th. I was popped with a DUI and sat in jail for nearly a day. It TRULY opened my eyes and I vowed then and there that the change was going to be made to completely stop drinking of ANYTHING including alcohol.
I can honestly say that, since that day, I have not had one craving for it. No withdrawal symptoms. NOTHING! I was like I cut off a light switch and I am doing GREAT.
But, I feel horrifically guilty about it! As I sit here and read through other fellow members experiences, I see that I am not hearing the AV. I am not having DT's and withdrawal symptoms. I am not staring at the liquor store as I drive by. My blood pressure is now normal. I feel amazing.
But, I feel guilty as hell that I am not experiencing these things, when others here ARE!
I drank every day that I can remember for the past five years (or more). Nightly shots was my way of relaxing after a long day.
I wish I did not feel this way. But, it truly makes me thankful for my experience and allows me to be of support to those having a tough time with it.
Thanks for reading. I just had to write it all out today.
I can honestly say that, since that day, I have not had one craving for it. No withdrawal symptoms. NOTHING! I was like I cut off a light switch and I am doing GREAT.
But, I feel horrifically guilty about it! As I sit here and read through other fellow members experiences, I see that I am not hearing the AV. I am not having DT's and withdrawal symptoms. I am not staring at the liquor store as I drive by. My blood pressure is now normal. I feel amazing.
But, I feel guilty as hell that I am not experiencing these things, when others here ARE!
I drank every day that I can remember for the past five years (or more). Nightly shots was my way of relaxing after a long day.
I wish I did not feel this way. But, it truly makes me thankful for my experience and allows me to be of support to those having a tough time with it.
Thanks for reading. I just had to write it all out today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It's just a one-time decision, and you got that the first time around.
I would just caution that you remember. I mean, it's been two weeks and a couple days.
Once your DUI charges are sorted out and you are feeling pretty darn good physically, just remember. It will never be better and you are not going to turn into a social drinker. So if and when the little voice does pipe up saying, "Hm, well now you can have a drink...."
If that happens, we're here.
I didn't have a lot of trouble quitting, but I was DONE. It was time. I didn't have any legal, medical, or relationship consequences though, so sometimes I did think, "Well, one..."
But no. I remember the soul-sucking misery I was in internally. Just because I didn't lose anything that was outwardly visible doesn't mean I wasn't that bad. I was just lucky.
Guilt is overrated, though.
I would just caution that you remember. I mean, it's been two weeks and a couple days.
Once your DUI charges are sorted out and you are feeling pretty darn good physically, just remember. It will never be better and you are not going to turn into a social drinker. So if and when the little voice does pipe up saying, "Hm, well now you can have a drink...."
If that happens, we're here.
I didn't have a lot of trouble quitting, but I was DONE. It was time. I didn't have any legal, medical, or relationship consequences though, so sometimes I did think, "Well, one..."
But no. I remember the soul-sucking misery I was in internally. Just because I didn't lose anything that was outwardly visible doesn't mean I wasn't that bad. I was just lucky.
Guilt is overrated, though.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
It's just a one-time decision, and you got that the first time around.
I would just caution that you remember. I mean, it's been two weeks and a couple days.
Once your DUI charges are sorted out and you are feeling pretty darn good physically, just remember. It will never be better and you are not going to turn into a social drinker. So if and when the little voice does pipe up saying, "Hm, well now you can have a drink...."
If that happens, we're here.
I didn't have a lot of trouble quitting, but I was DONE. It was time. I didn't have any legal, medical, or relationship consequences though, so sometimes I did think, "Well, one..."
But no. I remember the soul-sucking misery I was in internally. Just because I didn't lose anything that was outwardly visible doesn't mean I wasn't that bad. I was just lucky.
I would just caution that you remember. I mean, it's been two weeks and a couple days.
Once your DUI charges are sorted out and you are feeling pretty darn good physically, just remember. It will never be better and you are not going to turn into a social drinker. So if and when the little voice does pipe up saying, "Hm, well now you can have a drink...."
If that happens, we're here.
I didn't have a lot of trouble quitting, but I was DONE. It was time. I didn't have any legal, medical, or relationship consequences though, so sometimes I did think, "Well, one..."
But no. I remember the soul-sucking misery I was in internally. Just because I didn't lose anything that was outwardly visible doesn't mean I wasn't that bad. I was just lucky.
Thank you so much! I assure you, I will ALWAYS remember!
Nothing in my lifetime could have prepared me for that experience that night with the DUI and jail. That was HORRIFIC and I will NEVER be there again.
But, I guess in total honesty, I needed that! I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason! And that night, it was meant to be to save me or someone from injury.
It may shock some, but I actually took the time to go by the police station, in that small town, and shook that officers hand and thanked him.
Yes. that may sound CRAZY AS HELL, but what he did that night makes him a hero in my eyes!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
I sincerely hope it sticks.
There were many times in my life I felt like I'd 'learned my lesson'.
For me though, I hadn't. It had to get worse.
May that not be your fate and may that DUI have been your bottom.
There were many times in my life I felt like I'd 'learned my lesson'.
For me though, I hadn't. It had to get worse.
May that not be your fate and may that DUI have been your bottom.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I am glad you are feeling well! That's awesome and hopefully reinforces your decision for sobriety. As to guilt: It has it's place at times in motivating us to do better and to turn away from our transgressions and to make amends and to change for the better; to go in a better direction. But, in some cases guilt can be a burden that serves to plague us and hamper us from true liberty. Just a thought. Please don't feel guilty for feeling well, friend. I've seen guilt weigh people down long after they've changed their ways....I've seen people hold unforgiveness for themselves and if they could just let go of that unforgiveness and guilt I think they'd be happier. Guilt can sure be a weight. Don't hold yourself prisoner.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by kwh013170
I can HONESTLY and SINCERELY tell you that is the worst I have ever been in my 47 years of existence on this earth! That feeling of being cuffed, booked, placed in the "drunk tank", stripped, searched, and placed into a jail cell with nine other people that scared the living crap out of me was so far beyond horrific that I cannot even begin to explain to others what that felt like. It was a serious wake up call for me and one that I will NEVER NEVER NEVER forget!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,238
I'm in the same situation as you. Can't believe I spent a night in the slammer. I too am feeling so much guilt and shame for what I did right now. I must change and face the consequences of the law. I can barely even sleep.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi KWH 
No need to feel guilty.
Suffering is relative - I've never sat in a jail cell for example.
I hope you continue to have a n easy ride...like Bim says you may find that later on it gets harder to remember the fear and horror - but if you're working a striong recovery plan, you;ll be ok no matter what happens
D
No need to feel guilty.
Suffering is relative - I've never sat in a jail cell for example.
I hope you continue to have a n easy ride...like Bim says you may find that later on it gets harder to remember the fear and horror - but if you're working a striong recovery plan, you;ll be ok no matter what happens
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sounds like you hit rock bottom and saw the light.
Once that light comes on and we can see the filth that's stuck to us for what it is it can be a shocker. And sometimes it can mean that things get gradually worse for a while before they feel better - because guilt and shame are heavy yokes to bear.
Thing is, now your sober and with a resove to stay that way you will be able to regain your integrity, and gradually start to clean things up, little by little. Right-living (letting your conscience dictate to us, rather than our impulses) sounded to me like hard work - but it's not. It's much much easier than trying to hide from myself, and constantly making excuses in my head (rationalisations) for things I'd done and said.
Just because your AV hasn't put in an appearance yet, don't presume that it won't. They're sneaky little beasts and will wait for those moments when you're likely to listen to it. They like an ambush as much as a wrestle.
BB
Once that light comes on and we can see the filth that's stuck to us for what it is it can be a shocker. And sometimes it can mean that things get gradually worse for a while before they feel better - because guilt and shame are heavy yokes to bear.
Thing is, now your sober and with a resove to stay that way you will be able to regain your integrity, and gradually start to clean things up, little by little. Right-living (letting your conscience dictate to us, rather than our impulses) sounded to me like hard work - but it's not. It's much much easier than trying to hide from myself, and constantly making excuses in my head (rationalisations) for things I'd done and said.
Just because your AV hasn't put in an appearance yet, don't presume that it won't. They're sneaky little beasts and will wait for those moments when you're likely to listen to it. They like an ambush as much as a wrestle.
BB
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Don't feel guilty, especially because other people's experiences are not yours
I haven't had withdrawal, the AV or anything and I am 60 days in.
Like you, a light switch went off in my head. I was done.
Maybe in the future it'll be an issue and if that is the case I am building my tool box.
This is also my 3rd attempt to stop, 3 being my last attempt as ill just remain sober. I went 3 months, 7 months with years in between, enough was just enough.
Best of luck!!! You're worth it.
Let the guilt go, if you can it's unhealthy
I haven't had withdrawal, the AV or anything and I am 60 days in.
Like you, a light switch went off in my head. I was done.
Maybe in the future it'll be an issue and if that is the case I am building my tool box.
This is also my 3rd attempt to stop, 3 being my last attempt as ill just remain sober. I went 3 months, 7 months with years in between, enough was just enough.
Best of luck!!! You're worth it.
Let the guilt go, if you can it's unhealthy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 20
Hello Everyone!!!
I wanted to stop by and post a quick update on how life is treating me since I last posted...
Well, I am VERY PROUD to say that I am still 100% ALCOHOL FREE! I have not had ANYTHING to drink since November 4th of last year. Not one time cheating, never sneaking, or even trying to find an alternative.
On the legal side of things, read above about the DUI! On the 18th of this month I was in court and my Attorney was able to get me into a pre-trial diversion program. This will allow me to continue my progress and to fulfill the courts requirements for the program. Pretty much doing what I am doing now, plus some monitoring involved. Once everything is completed and fines paid, the DUI will be gone and the DUI arrest can then be expunged from my records.
Someone told me I was LUCKY it all happened as it did. No, I did not feel that it was luck or anything related to luck. In reality, it was FATE! I am honestly THANKFUL that the officer stopped me that night. He saved my life and likely others. More than this, he saved a family - MY FAMILY... He brought me out of a life of alcohol addiction. He gave me a healthy life back. He gave me the chance to be the best partner that I can be. I COULD NEVER THANK HIM ENOUGH!
People, it ain't easy.. BUT, if you want to do it, YOU CAN! You have to know that you know that you know its your time to quit and get back to living.
I am here for any of you.... Please let me know if you wanna vent, chat, whatever.... You were there when I needed you (and still are).. My turn to be there for any and all of you!
With these honest tears flowing down my face, I wanna say that I love each and every one of my brothers and sisters here fighting to win the battle...
From the very depths of my heart, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to stop by and post a quick update on how life is treating me since I last posted...
Well, I am VERY PROUD to say that I am still 100% ALCOHOL FREE! I have not had ANYTHING to drink since November 4th of last year. Not one time cheating, never sneaking, or even trying to find an alternative.
On the legal side of things, read above about the DUI! On the 18th of this month I was in court and my Attorney was able to get me into a pre-trial diversion program. This will allow me to continue my progress and to fulfill the courts requirements for the program. Pretty much doing what I am doing now, plus some monitoring involved. Once everything is completed and fines paid, the DUI will be gone and the DUI arrest can then be expunged from my records.
Someone told me I was LUCKY it all happened as it did. No, I did not feel that it was luck or anything related to luck. In reality, it was FATE! I am honestly THANKFUL that the officer stopped me that night. He saved my life and likely others. More than this, he saved a family - MY FAMILY... He brought me out of a life of alcohol addiction. He gave me a healthy life back. He gave me the chance to be the best partner that I can be. I COULD NEVER THANK HIM ENOUGH!
People, it ain't easy.. BUT, if you want to do it, YOU CAN! You have to know that you know that you know its your time to quit and get back to living.
I am here for any of you.... Please let me know if you wanna vent, chat, whatever.... You were there when I needed you (and still are).. My turn to be there for any and all of you!
With these honest tears flowing down my face, I wanna say that I love each and every one of my brothers and sisters here fighting to win the battle...
From the very depths of my heart, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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