Who am I without my problems?
 

Sometimes just being “ok” feels wrong. Like there’s gotta be pain or pleasure. In between is just “meh”. Day 17 closing up I’m in bed at 830pm. Living like a rockstar.

I think we all have some identity issues when we clean up.
I do.

So use to fighting everything all the time then when there's
nothing to fight about it's like what now?

Have to replace things and change i guess. find more rewarding things.

Restless, Irritable and Discontent. Sound like a little attack of 'Discontent' to me.

In the Big Book of AA the above are mentioned as being our natural state once alcohol has been removed. This is why recovery plans are really important. And even once we've got one going, it takes a while to practice working it so we start feeling better / happy / content (get some serenity).

Do you have a recovery plan in place yet?

BB

It will get better with more time sober. Day 17 I felt like I was still withdrawing. I'm a little over 3-months in and am just starting to feel genuine happiness again and also not feeling so crippled by negative emotions.

Sounds normal from my experience. Learning to be in the "average" was definitely something that was new to me, and something that made me restless. I mean - "nothing was going on!" WTH?! I have gradually learned to trust those kind of days/phases....and be grateful for them.

Right now I am working on factoring in "margin" to my life - it is FULL and I need more space to just "be."

Developing a program (I am in AA) and learning a new action plan as well as spiritual plan for my life in recovery has been key to living with an accepting ALL kinds of days.

even without our substance of choice we still want to change our mood with some kind of drama to stop us feeling reality

it's okay to be (just) okay - it can take a bit of getting used to though

it's okay to feel not okay too - it will pass

I totally know what you mean. If I'm not experiencing some kind of major HIGH or LOW then I feel the need to seek it. Even when I'm genuinely feeling good, then I get the urge to sabotage it.

Thankfully that feeling (for the most part) has passed, and I can mindfully just go with it.

well in my experience, there are always going to be problems. Challenges, pains, frustrations, sorrows.... these are all part of this thing called LIFE.

without your 'self made chaos of regular trainwreck drama' brought on by addiction - who you are becomes a clearer image of yourself. Who you are becomes a person who can experience those challenges, pains, frustrations and sorrows in a state of awareness. You become someone who can face them, deal with them, move through them, and emerge to the next step of life without the roof caving in.

Being "OK" feels a little wrong because your addictive mind has become addicted to the cycle of the chaos. It wants extremes. It craves drama.

With time and sobriety we find that "OK" is a wonderful way to greet life's ebbs and flows.

:grouphug:

You will always have problems in your life. You're just exchanging them for better problems.

Drinking problems:
I'm an addict and I need to get sober
I'm destroying my body and need to get sober
I feel like crap all the time with withdrawals, hangovers, and low energy. I need to get sober.
My work and relationships are suffering because of alcohol. I need to get sober.
I'm spiritually dead. I need to get sober.
I'm hurting people, not helping them.

Sober problems:
I'm no longer an addict. What goals can I set in my life?
Now that I feel so much better and have a ton of energy and free time, what can I do with my life to fill the time? What makes me happy that I'm not doing? How can I be more productive?
How can I get healthier, both physically and mentally? Diet/exercise?
How can I advance my career in a way that fits into my new lifestyle? How can I have more honest and fulfilling relationships?
What can I do to enhance my place in the universe? Yoga/meditation? Some sort of religious practice, be it Buddhist, Christianity, etc?
How can I be of service to others?

Right now you're solving the biggest problem, getting sober. It's your most important step and all-consuming. After that you can move on to better problems.

probably because your perception of "ok" has changed, which is awesome.
keep on trudging and you will feel great comfort with being "ok."

Okay seemed like a welcome relief to me after a few years of trying to hide my drinking from my family. The adrenaline rush of almost being caught disappeared and I was so happy to just 'be'. Give it a little more time and hopefully 'okay' will be welcome. :)

It takes time to adjust to a new normal Press - but I'm confident you'll love it as much as I do :)

D

Hey, Press-I do understand but at for me at this point 'okay' is much better than insanely chaotic. I can't say my drinking career wasn't exciting in parts, but it was also horrifying and costly. Day 17 is fabulous, and it will get easier. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.

Day 17 is still very early and new...you're adjusting ....even though you may equate "ok" with "blah" or lukewarm....you're bound to have just "ok" days and that's okay...tomorrow is another day...and it may be better or worse. I'll take okay over putting poison in my body. Soon this feeling of "just ok" will pass and you'll feel better and better and better and as with life you'll still have bad days every now and then. Hang in there....*hugs*.

I think so many people want to be happy, but I think that is unrealistic, no one can be happy ALL the time! And chasing the happiness can end up making us feel worse!

Things are up, down and sometimes just "meh" or just ok. That is life! Instead of wanting to be happy I look for contentment.

I must admit I love a drama so this is a bit of an adjustment for me !!

I have to confess, it's strange going to bed at 10pm and getting up at 6am. I was a total night person my whole life.

Living like a rock star meant doing coke until 3am then venturing out into the strange vampire land of people doing coke at that time so I could get more.

I'll take my mornings!

Won't it be an interesting adventure to find out? :)