"I am an alcoholic" -makes me want to cry
 

Hello,

I don't know exactly when it happened, the flipping of the switch in regards to alcohol. I know with certainty, within the past year, my brain chemistry permanently changed and I cannot have one drink without physical consequence. Not to mention all the consequences of years of abuse. Yet, I continue to drink and drug. It makes no sense. Obviously, if you are allergic to something, one would refrain from doing it, right?
Yet, I cannot stop.
I need help coming to terms with the fact that I am an alcoholic.
It feels like and I suppose I am, mourning the loss of a friend.

Hi Gazelle and welcome :)

I can relate to the "mourning a loss of a friend" as Alcohol ripped me away from all things I enjoyed in life, it isolated me and alienated me from friends and society. So much so it became my comfort and it was all I knew, we relied on each other.

Breaking the cycle is difficult but one that can be broken, which opens you up to all the good things in life.

I dont focus or dwell on the "im an alcoholic" terminology as it can feel overwhelming, I instead focus on that alcohol doesnt bring me happiness and do not need it to live a healthy/happy life.

Hi Gazelle and welcome :)

It can be confronting and even traumatic to finally admit our problem.

We keep hoping that somehow we'll wake up one day as a normal drinker, or I know I did.

If I knew how to get to the point where I accepted my alcoholism and my actions reflected that acceptance, I'd probably be a rich man.

All I can dio is you recommend you post here frequently - it was wonderful to me to find people who understood, people who supported me, and it didn't hurt for me to see so many happy people either - happy because they;d accepted their alcoholism and found that their lives were richer, not poorer for it :)

D

Thank You For Your Responses,

I really want to stop.

In all honesty, I came here to seek help. I've spent most of my evening-now early morning reading posts on this forum and I'm really good at a lot of things, but one thing I am not good at is drinking.

You'll find a lot of help here Gazelle.

I removed some posts to keep this thread on topic.

I'd ask everyone to focus - and keep their comments helpful and constructive :)

Dee
Moderator
SR

I have been preparing for this day. I have the week off, the house is set up so I don't have to leave, I've confided in a couple friends, and I guess it's time I get some sleep. WIsh me luck. This is something I really want. I'm killing myself... It will kill me.

Welcome gazelle. This is a great place - there's lots of information, support, experience, etc.

This thread in particular has a lot of great advice and links:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html

I spent many years continuing to drink because I didn't feel that the term alcoholic applied to me (still don't btw), but alcohol was definitely causing problems in my life. I went back and forth so much because most of the time, I drank reasonably. I was not physically dependent on alcohol. However, occasionally, I would drink way too much and I had a few embarrassing incidents as well as increasing hangovers with age.

So why did I continue to drink? It seemed necessary in some way. I felt I needed to have tried every other possible option before I gave it up. It was a ridiculous notion. I was clearly having problems with it because I thought about it a lot and I would often consider what I was doing on a Friday night before I would agree to Saturday morning plans. Feeling sick on the weekends voluntarily on a regular basis is a problem.

I decided that I don't want that anymore. I also don't want to worry that this will be the night I have to many and feel terribly ashamed tomorrow.

So I don't drink anymore. I have been sober since June 5, and I feel great. It wasn't easy and I sought out a lot of support. A couple of things I recommend for you: You already know about SR. It's a great place! The Naked Mind, by Annie Grace is a great book to change your attitude about drinking. For me, the Since Right Now podcast was a game changer! They are three guys in long-term sobriety, two through AA and one on his own. They show that there are different approaches to sobriety that work for different people. Mostly they are hilarious and irreverent. In the earliest days, I binged on every episode (they have over 4 years of episodes!) and it helped me so much.

Good for you for recognizing that alcohol is no longer (if it ever was) serving you. If you want to stop you can and there is so much freedom in knowing that you never have to drink and suffer the consequences of that drinking again.

I am on Day 24 now. In my 30 year drinking career I went from denial to acceptance. All of my close friends and family know I am an alcoholic (through intervention or just by encounters, not really by admittance) and you know what? I am closer to them than ever. They wan to help, be supportive, and it's an awesome thing. Now when I have a relapse or am struggling, I can just tell the honest truth, and the freedom to be honest is such a liberating thing.

While there's no doubt being an alcoholic has royally screwed up my life in several ways, there are also things to be grateful for. I have explored my emotions and spirituality in ways I would never have if I wasn't an alcoholic. I am content with the little things in life and don't need what I thought I needed when I was younger. Waking up sober every day is a gift that I would not have appreciated had I not seen the evil depths of the other side. So when I hear the term "grateful alcoholic", I get it. Good luck with things, stay sober one breath, one hour, one day at a time and things WILL get better, I guarantee it.

It feels like and I suppose I am, mourning the loss of a friend.

is it that or that youre coming to terms with and accepting what the problem is?
the way it reads youre getting out of denial and accepting what the problem is.

there IS a solution- many plans/programs to help ya.

When we finally awaken to the reality of being an alcoholic, it can be devastating.
We sometimes feel a sense of despair among other feelings. I'm sure no-one is elated when they finally come to grips with knowledge "I am an alcoholic."

One thing we must do is make a decision. And that is to stop being an alcoholic - yeah once an alcoholic always an alcoholic I know. But as long as we do not pick up another drink we will not be an 'active' alcoholic.

Look forward to the positive changes that will occur as you move forward without alcohol as a burden. There is work to do yes. But the longer you refrain from using alcohol the more distant the pains of the past will become. And the more positive you as a person will become.

Beginning a life alcohol free can be like a couch potato who ate chips and cupcakes and drank big gulps while watching tv all day long who finally decides to change his life. No more chips, cupcakes and giant sugary soda drinks, get off the couch, and go to the gym. They improve their health, their outlook and their desire to live again. Same with those who have fallen into the alcoholic way of living. Put it down, get healthier, and live again. Life is so much better not thinking about the next drink, or the last one that caused you despair.

Finally admitting we have a problem is only the beginning. Doing something about it takes a commitment beyond anything we have ever endeavored. Once you make that commitment, it becomes so much easier to achieve positive results. But it is an all or nothing commitment.

Welcome to the new reality. Be ALL IN for yourself.

What I know is this. I have a major problem and people keep saying, it's simple, just stop. I wish it was that simple and it probably is, but I'm afraid of the withdrawal. What makes it more insane; I am sick daily, yet I continue to do it. It's a habit I need to break. I dont sleep, I can hardly eat, I sweat all night.
My body is rejecting it and I am listening. Thats why I am here. My body has made it loud and clear, I need to stop.
I suppose I should have waited until I was sober before I posted here. Ive been up for three days and feel loopy... I have a dual problem... I suppose that's irrelevant.

My thinking says, make a call, my feeling says, get to bed and stick with your plan.

Thank You- that makes perfect sense to me. It will take commitment beyond anything I have ever endeavored. I can make that commitment.

It definitely takes some adjusting to, that's for sure. It took me months trying to get my mind completely around the idea of an alcohol-free future, glad I got there.

Beautifully put, exactly my feelings too. The term alcoholic never even enters my mind because that's not how I've chosen to frame the situation. Alcohol doesn't work for me so I steer clear, that's it.

Again, I can relate to that. Thank you.. Some people kind of shun you in a way, or have this authoritarian tone, which I personally despise.

If you need help, you do not have to go it alone. This place is great. I read every single post over 2 days time. Seriously, there is great stuff here.

If you need more support, consider getting some face to face help locally. You just have to accept help.

that's interesting that you said that. I'm horrible when it comes to asking for help. Something i need to work on.

This is good, Gazelle. All our strength and experience and hope are at your disposal, Gazelle. Post and read and please...stay honest with your friends, don't skimp on getting real life support.

Sobriety is in your reach, and in sobriety, one thing after another gets better and better. I made heavy use of SR and included my partner and my two closest friends in my “trusted” circle. It has been rough staying honest with them, and it was not without risk. But i had to.