Ilovepi

Hi all!

I've been sober for a short amount of time. During the three years of my alcoholism, I isolated a lot! During that time, I have basically become a hermit. I'm only able to take my trash out and check the mail at four in the morning. I have all my groceries, prescription, and other necessities delivered to my apartment. I do work. But even that is becoming hard to go to. My apartment complex is a fairly large high-rise with over 150 residents.

I guess I'm afraid that they're going to figure out that I'm a drunk and I haven't been taking care of myself or my unit very well. I do know that is irrational because I've never had a complaint from a neighbor or management for any reason.

I'm about to start cognitive behavioral therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) in the next few weeks to deal with this.

I am taking natural supplements to help with anxiety, but it is not a panacea for it.

I'm trying to find a way to find a meeting with 10 people or less, I'm not even sure if that's possible. I know I need to get out of my comfort zone and I don't start hyperventilating or anything like that I have to go out. I just kind of feel like the anxiety you get one watching a horror movie and the bad guys about to jump out, if that makes any sense.

The sad thing is, I started drinking because I was lonely and I was a social person at the time, but I moved to a new city for the job. Now, it is the opposite.

Is this thing normal in beginning of recovery and does anybody have any advice?

Thanks.

biminiblue

Fairly common, yeah.

Do you get any exercise? That helps me a lot. Even body-weight stuff or calisthenics you can find on YouTube. I walk every day outside. Nature will heal whatever needs healing.

Do you have trauma in your past? I did/do and the reprogramming takes a while. It was probably 11 months before my anxiety was completely gone.

Meetings weren't a great thing for me, but there were definitely some which were better than others. I went to meetings every day for the first few months; at different times and locations and found some that were really helpful. You can just go and sit quietly, you don't have to speak up if that is intimidating right now. I don't know if you're male/female but same gender meetings were less threatening for me as a woman.

Ilovepi

Hey biminiblue.
I was diagnosed with PTSD from past trauma that I've lived through up until maybe five years ago. I'm in my early 30s. Granted there was different situations, but I've lived through bad stuff/abuse up until maybe 6 years ago. I still have an accep all of this, but multiple therapist told me that's what's going on.

I blame myself for a lot of ****. That's maybe where I think the anxiety comes from. Granted there were different situations, but they all kind mirrored each other.

Believe it or not, I feel more comfortable at the meetings that have folks over 50, mixed co-ed. Not trying to play into agism, so please folks don't take this the wrong way.. They usually have long-term sobriety, are down to earth, and remind me of some family members that took real good care of me as a youngster.

I went to a woman's meeting a couple of times and everybody wanted to give me hugs and some got really emotional. Maybe I'm a damn Sociopath, but when I'm in new situations, high emotions and physical contact make me uncomfortable. I really need to get to know somebody before they can give me a hug.

One of my very good friends has 36+ years of sobrity, but when she moved to my city, which is where I met her, she didn't feel comfortable going to the meetings with new people, her mom had a stroke, and over the past six years, though she's kept her Sobrity intact, she's uncomfortable sponsoring people and going back into the new rooms. She's so cool though! I freaking would pay her to be my sponsor, I swear.

StartingOverNW

Hi Ilovepi - I get bad anxiety in group situations myself, which has made going to recovery meetings difficult at times. Knowing that I could just sit in the back and listen was very helpful at first. Therapy has also helped me in this department. Coming to the understanding that isolation and loneliness was at the root of my need to use was very helpful, as was slowly learning that I can actually handle these situations once I understood a bit about what was causing them (past trauma, similar to yours), and how the trauma wasn't the true me. You may find online meetings helpful as well. I know SMART has a lot of them. I'm not sure about AA or other types of meetings but my guess is those are out there too.

Anna

I'm glad that you're seeking therapy to help with the anxiety. That sounds like a good plan. I think many of us isolate while drinking. It seems to come with the territory for many of us and drinking takes so much from our lives.

I don't go to AA meetings, but I think if you tried various meetings in your city, you would likely find one that worked for you.

JudicatorPanzer

I agree. I had to get out of my comfort zone to change. Sobriety takes practice. Maybe start with smaller meetings or attend large meetings and don't speak if you are fearful until you become less fearful. Don't be afraid to ask anyone in AA for help.

biminiblue

Thank you, what is with all the hugging at AA? Well, I don't like hugging people outside AA either - especially from men (I'm a woman.) Same thing happens to me at church and I don't like it there, either.

PTSD/Complex PTSD caused me a lot of physical and psychological problems in early sobriety. Just know that it does get better in time: and tell people, "Please don't touch me!" (If that's how you feel...I did that a lot in AA meetings.) Early sobriety is so raw - and my nervous system was on high-alert for a very long time.

What a surprise that a bunch of ex-drunks don't know anything about personal boundaries. And by "what a surprise" I mean, not a surprise at all. We're not exactly socially adept.

Time2Rise

In my experience, the before work, early AM AA meetings have the fewest attendees, so you may try a few of those. If you work 9ish to 5ish hours, that may be a good option for you. But in the end, as you've already noted, you will probably have to push yourself a little to get out of your comfort zone. Try a number of meetings at different locations and see how it goes, you can always stop attending if it's too overwhelming, but I suspect you'll be fine after a meeting or two.

Personally, I find meetings good for me because they help me to keep a regular commitment, and they get me around sober folks; however, I've always felt pretty comfortable being around and meeting/interacting with new groups of people.

MindfulMan

I have learned to love hugging.

Ilovepi

Thanks guys!
I think once my anxiety medicine starts working and my body finally gets over PAWS, I'll feel better… But I know it's gonna take some time and work in therapy. Right now I just kind of feel like that little boy on South Park name Tweak who freaks out over everything.

I can't sleep right now and I have to get up in 2 1/2 hours… Oy vey.