Purplrks3647

This is on my Pinterest page:



I've been single for over a decade but it's definitely by choice.....there were more than enough red flags to show me I'm better off by myself....now I'm just going through the alcohol breakup.....finally getting to know me, sober, and I'm actually having fun

When someone asks me "How is it you don't have a boyfriend?" I'm like "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

Dee74

I thin k rather than trying to make the intolerable tolerable we have the chance to build a new life - one thats not only tolerable but enjoyable, fulfilling and peaceful.

It might seem a long way away right now but we work on it one day at a time just like anything else Can?

D

Kaily

I am alone and drink at home so it is not a place I can avoid going to but unfortunately it is also my main trigger.
I also feel extremely lonely and drink to medicate those feelings plus having no accountability to anyone as in no one knows or cares if I drink makes it very difficult to stop.
BUT I will never stop trying.

Andante

I was trapped in that vicious cycle for years, too. It seemed there was no way out.

Eventually, I came to understand that alcohol was causing me to isolate, and that getting drunk was actually worsening the feelings of loneliness and self-pity rather than medicating them as I had thought.

Once I was able to stay abstinent for a good stretch and do some work on myself in recovery, I found there was all the difference in the world between drunken isolation and contented sober solitude. I discovered that alcohol had been warping my thinking and my emotions, and through my work in recovery I discovered that the cure for the loneliness I felt was to learn how be comfortable in my own skin -- something I could never do while drinking.

Dee74

I got sober in the same house I got drunk in, so I can assure folks it is possible to change in the same surroundings.

It's a lot of work, sure, but so was drinking the way I did.

D

Purplrks3647

Kaily are there any hobbies you like? I've found that getting out of the regular "routine" and doing something different helps a lot. Stay close to SR ~ it does get better!

PinnacleOR

This is me, exactly. I have tried stopping in the past alone but it just doesn't work. This time, I am making myself accountable to my family, a sponsor, a therapist, and others who need my help. I am also going to build a network of support and friends through AA. I am on Day 24 today. Maybe we can make it a project together?

greg198499

I am also doing this at home alone (for now until my fiancee gets here and I hope to be pretty squared away by then.) I'm just a few days in and like most sleep is an issue. Last night though I didn't sleep in the same bed that I would go to sleep buzzed in.

Actually slept pretty well on the couch. Obviously this isn't long term but you CAN repurpose places in your home to change things up.

My place has some pretty NICE carpeting and on a few nights I would be buzzed and grab a pillow and just crash there. Well this morning I did yoga there. I see that space differently now.

Where I used to have boxes of wine I have pizza boxes. I know I know eating healthy is important but so is treating yourself especially in the beginning I think...so I don't know...try and switch things up I guess? What do I know?

Kaily

I have 2 dogs that I take out everyday, on good days I walk about 6 miles in the country which is lovely but my alcoholic brain is with me all the way planning for my next drink when I get home.

SportsFan15

I'm late 30s female, never married, no kids, but an amazing dog! Thanks for starting a thread for those of us who are single. I go to AA once a week but living alone is very hard on my sobriety. I just like the presence of someone in the house.

SportsFan15

Mine is needing to be around people but not being motivated enough to make plans other than to go to work.

sobersolstice

I'm 2 months sober today, and am always asking friends if they want to go out drinking on Friday and Saturdays. I just get bored, but they know my situation, and don't drink in front of me, and don't let me drink (I've told my close friends to do this).

Every weekend feels like day 3, and the AV attacks me with physical urges. It's been very difficult. The only reason I am sober is because I have supportive friends that I've told, and... it's about that time. I don't let myself leave the house on weekends except for food and cases of sparkling water. It's very depressing this go around, and I'm not stopping with intention... It's just happening. I guess I'm sorta just not allowing it is all.

I'm divorced (due to my drinking), and have been dating off and on until I stopped drinking. I want a sober, or rare drinker to be with, but all of these dates have been drinking dates (tinder... figures). I feel like I would drink if I went on a date. I've gone on bad sober dates in the past, and they all lead back to relapse, so maybe I'll go full workaholic so it's the only thing on my mind and buy things I don't need. It's hard... If I went on a happy hour date, I'd fold right away at this point.

asixstringnut

I am doing this solo. It gets lonely but I have my two dogs that love me unconditionally and I can't ask for much better than that.
I would rather be alone and lonely than in a relationship and being lonely. I have been there and done that and it is no way to live. Plus I have this great place to come to and say what is on my mind as much or as little as I feel like.
We come into this world alone and we go out alone.

Thanks for this post canguy.

asixstringnut

rascalwhiteoak

I think for years (before and after being married) I drank to avoid being alone with myself. Low self esteem, an overactive mind -- even I didn't think I was worth spending time with. Now, nine months in, I've decided humanity is lucky to have me around

Zooropa

I want to build a new life!!! The voice that reminds me how old I am, how much time has been wasted, what a failure I am is relentless...but I think this voice might have driven my addictions beginning 30 years ago

A new life does not give power to this voice. And a new life is learning new ways to experience life, even - especially - the interests I had before addiction dominated and shamed me. I refuse to be "too old" to enjoy my life. It's this notion that I don't deserve to be happy I am fighting. Addiction numbed that voice

Today is the first time I have ever gone online to discuss recovery. I have seven days sober, this time. This time feels more authentic than ever before because it didn't start out of a crisis, but "simply" out of feeling ENOUGH! Tonight is the first night I am battling compulsion to buy beer. I am grateful for this forum and all the sharing.

Andante

Hi Zooropa and welcome!

What you describe is kind of how it happened for me too. After years of trying and failing at sobriety, some inner balance finally tipped and I truly wanted with all my heart to be sober more than I wanted to get drunk. Mind you, it was still a rough go at times, but I'm here and still sober after 4.5 years. Hope it works out for you as well.

Feel free to start your own new thread, or join the latest "Class of..." thread here in the Newcomer's section. Glad you're here!

Dee74

Some great suggestions Andante
Welcome to SR Zooropa

D

MindfulMan

I've been happily single for years, and have a very active social life. During my a period of heavy drinking that lasted about 5 years, I lived with an alcoholic, an alcoholic bestie (still a friend, and mostly sober now that he has a child) two doors down, and other alcoholics that came over. The problem wasn't being alone, it was having too many drunks around.

But I drank as much alone. It didn't matter who was around. My binge drinking has largely been alone. So work all week, sip 1-2 bottles of wine those nights. On weekends, then off with friends for dinner and drinks or a tasteful wine party. When I got home I'd start doing shots of vodka, or drink another bottle or two of wine.

I haven't been a relationship for so long I'm totally OK with that, and I live with two people and two dogs, so loneliness isn't a problem. With sobriety the libido has come roaring back with a vengeance. Hopefully love will follow. I'm getting flirted with a lot in random places. Trader Joe's, Dick's Sporting Goods, among others. I never liked the gay bar scene, but it was a way to meet guys for hookups or whatever...not sure what is the sober equivalent. Grindr is brutal for anyone over 35.

I'll figure it out eventually. I'm lucky that I have close friends who are very supportive. Navigating romantic relationships will be yet another part of learning how to be a sober person!

PinnacleOR

I absolutely love this thread and can relate to so much in it. I have one dog myself, he's been a bestie though on my past bad hangover days I know he can tell I am not well. I also regret the days where I was binging and no doubt forgot about his food, water and walks. He's adopted and I wonder sometimes if he thinks, "what did I do to deserve getting adopted by this drunk?!"

My solo-ness has also been affected by my self esteem. If I am honest with myself it's in the toilet. In my younger days I was active, social, and blessed with good looks. I am now 50 years old and about 60 pounds overweight. Sometimes I look in the mirror at my big belly and aging face and wonder who that is.

But, Day 25 here, and for that I am SO grateful.

canguy

Drives me effing mad. At least I used to get up and go to a job, a workplace. Now , having been 'retired' ....I just roll out of bed, read sh+t on the internet, and drink. Sip....do something simple, solder some wires together and assemble a little more. I went to Japan to sober up. And how did that work out? Japan is alco paradise. I lived in this tiny room, a futon on the floor. It was hot. The supermarkets have aisles of alcohol. The Lawson's is always open and sells beer like soft drinks. Every hotel floor has a dispensing machine, 500 ml cans for about $2.50. You have to take your trash to the recycle bin, the aluminium can bin was overflowing every time with beer cans. They drink hard in Japan. You go out for a meal with someone....it's toast, toast, everyone gets trashed I obviously failed to sober up there. So much for the relaxing detox time, running along the river under the spreading trees roaring with crickets. It turned into a total p*ssup. So that was a fail.
Then back here. And its just so boring.....you turn on the TV and listen to the polliticians, ....you just turn off mentally and with no external routine or contacts, just go and drift, drift, off. I think I've left the building.......