Scared, yet not sure I can do it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 11
Scared, yet not sure I can do it
Hi there,
I have been drinking for just about thirty years. Up about two years ago I called it " having fun", " loving wine", "making friends", " dealing with stress" ..You get the picture... I took about a year off ( god, that was 11 years ago) since I was pregnant and then breast feeding, then slowly but surely folded into it.
Long story short, I am afraid for my life since a year and some ago I started to experience really bad neurological symptoms. I did not -conveniantly - attribute those to drinking. Spent a lot of time and money visiting doctors to find out nothing. And, no, I did not mention to them that I was drinking three bottles of wine a day sometime. And, because I was "so scared about my health" I was drinking more to " have a break" from the symptoms. Which included facial shooting pain, scalp tightness and rolling sensations under my skin, peripheral
neuropathy, sleep disturbances, pants attacks, heart palpitations, black outs, sleep walking and drinking just to name a few.
I knew the real reason, or at least that quitting drinking would be a good place to start, but failed to admit to myself that Booz was the reason for all of those things...still is
So, what am I waiting for?
I really need to stop it.
I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter, who is not aware of it just yet, course I have become so good at binging in between school drop outs and pick ups, sleepovers and camps etc . I have a great husband who is about to throw a towel
So how do I stop? I want my health back! I don't want any more lies, secret recycling runs, Booz in my luggage while traveling, avoiding looking people in the eyes, making excuses, not remembering things...
Sorry, I did my best to make it short.
Where do I start? I am so scared
Thank you
I have been drinking for just about thirty years. Up about two years ago I called it " having fun", " loving wine", "making friends", " dealing with stress" ..You get the picture... I took about a year off ( god, that was 11 years ago) since I was pregnant and then breast feeding, then slowly but surely folded into it.
Long story short, I am afraid for my life since a year and some ago I started to experience really bad neurological symptoms. I did not -conveniantly - attribute those to drinking. Spent a lot of time and money visiting doctors to find out nothing. And, no, I did not mention to them that I was drinking three bottles of wine a day sometime. And, because I was "so scared about my health" I was drinking more to " have a break" from the symptoms. Which included facial shooting pain, scalp tightness and rolling sensations under my skin, peripheral
neuropathy, sleep disturbances, pants attacks, heart palpitations, black outs, sleep walking and drinking just to name a few.
I knew the real reason, or at least that quitting drinking would be a good place to start, but failed to admit to myself that Booz was the reason for all of those things...still is
So, what am I waiting for?
I really need to stop it.
I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter, who is not aware of it just yet, course I have become so good at binging in between school drop outs and pick ups, sleepovers and camps etc . I have a great husband who is about to throw a towel
So how do I stop? I want my health back! I don't want any more lies, secret recycling runs, Booz in my luggage while traveling, avoiding looking people in the eyes, making excuses, not remembering things...
Sorry, I did my best to make it short.
Where do I start? I am so scared
Thank you
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Welcome! Denial is a huge part of alcoholism and it's quite amazing isn't it! I'm glad you found us and that you're ready to stop drinking. It's a really good idea to check with your dr because detoxing from alcohol is unpredictable and can be dangerous. It's also a good idea to have a firm plan in place for how you get through the days and weeks and recover. Following is a list of a variety of recovery programs and tips that we've used:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,898
Welcome, IG12345! You're in the right place 
I was scared too....but I'm much better off now thanks to this site! There's great support and lots of good people here. Here is a link to the 24 hour thread, where members can check in daily to keep in touch....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-315-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 315)
And here is the link for the class of November 2017 if you would like to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...17-pt-1-a.html
Read around the forums and post when you feel comfortable. I hope this helps! Stick close by....this place is great!
I was scared too....but I'm much better off now thanks to this site! There's great support and lots of good people here. Here is a link to the 24 hour thread, where members can check in daily to keep in touch....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-315-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 315)
And here is the link for the class of November 2017 if you would like to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...17-pt-1-a.html
Read around the forums and post when you feel comfortable. I hope this helps! Stick close by....this place is great!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
I went through a lot of what you are. Thought I was fooling people, though.
Turns out the only person I was fooling was myself.
You seem to have a good grasp on your problem. I finally did, too. It was scary.
How do I quit? What will happen? Can I live sober?
I drank alcoholically for thirty years. I was an alcoholic the first time I picked up..
It took me a long time to finally stop drinking. I came here. I went to AA. Still I drank.
But a bug had been planted in my head, here were people successfully quitting drinking and we shared much in common, even though we were all very different as individuals.
I wasn't alone any more. I put my efforts into recovery. It wasn't easy, but nothing worthwhile is, I guess.
You have a lot to live for, and I'm sorry to say, a lot to lose if you keep drinking.
Please don't wait to hit the lows I did. I lost everything and still drank.
Have you considered AA? I know, you're going to say I can't go to a meeting for whatever reason. Put that aside and maybe try a meeting. You don't have to say anything. All that's required is a desire to stop drinking.
AA and this site literally saved my life.
I was a bad drunk and it's been almost seven years since I've had a drink.
Sometimes I can't believe it myself.
You can do it, too. But it's hard to do alone.
You're not alone any more, you came here and admitted you have a problem.
I understand. I've been there.
Stick around here. Try a meeting. Put the effort into not drinking as you do drinking and recovering before it really does effect your health any worse.
Best to you.
I went through a lot of what you are. Thought I was fooling people, though.
Turns out the only person I was fooling was myself.
You seem to have a good grasp on your problem. I finally did, too. It was scary.
How do I quit? What will happen? Can I live sober?
I drank alcoholically for thirty years. I was an alcoholic the first time I picked up..
It took me a long time to finally stop drinking. I came here. I went to AA. Still I drank.
But a bug had been planted in my head, here were people successfully quitting drinking and we shared much in common, even though we were all very different as individuals.
I wasn't alone any more. I put my efforts into recovery. It wasn't easy, but nothing worthwhile is, I guess.
You have a lot to live for, and I'm sorry to say, a lot to lose if you keep drinking.
Please don't wait to hit the lows I did. I lost everything and still drank.
Have you considered AA? I know, you're going to say I can't go to a meeting for whatever reason. Put that aside and maybe try a meeting. You don't have to say anything. All that's required is a desire to stop drinking.
AA and this site literally saved my life.
I was a bad drunk and it's been almost seven years since I've had a drink.
Sometimes I can't believe it myself.
You can do it, too. But it's hard to do alone.
You're not alone any more, you came here and admitted you have a problem.
I understand. I've been there.
Stick around here. Try a meeting. Put the effort into not drinking as you do drinking and recovering before it really does effect your health any worse.
Best to you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome IG! You'll find help and encouragement here. Not sure where I'd be without my friends on SR.
I drank 30 yrs. too - and now have almost 10 sober. I never imagined I'd live without it, even though it was making me miserable. You can get free of it - we will help.
I drank 30 yrs. too - and now have almost 10 sober. I never imagined I'd live without it, even though it was making me miserable. You can get free of it - we will help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
Find an AA meeting to attend. If you don’t like that one try another.
They are all a little different, find one where you feel comfortable.
I struggled for thirty years to get sober on my own. I have been sober for six years thanks to the support I get from my AA home group.
They are all a little different, find one where you feel comfortable.
I struggled for thirty years to get sober on my own. I have been sober for six years thanks to the support I get from my AA home group.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Welcome to SR IG12345
coming here is a good start Support really made a difference for me. I never thought I'd be able to quit and stay quit but this community really helped., I know you'll find help here too.
It all starts with a day one.
30 years is a long time - If you're worried about withdrawal, maybe see a Dr first?
D
coming here is a good start
Support really made a difference for me. I never thought I'd be able to quit and stay quit but this community really helped., I know you'll find help here too. It all starts with a day one.
30 years is a long time - If you're worried about withdrawal, maybe see a Dr first?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 11
thank you.
I will read the posts. Good to know I can talk to people like myself
How do you redefine yourself after quitting ? Drinking was a huge social tool if you wish for me. I am not sure I can keep the same social circles
just today, having posted here I stoped myself from getting a bottle of wine after my girl went to bed. Going to sleep instead
thank you for your time and thoughts
IG
I will read the posts. Good to know I can talk to people like myself
How do you redefine yourself after quitting ? Drinking was a huge social tool if you wish for me. I am not sure I can keep the same social circles
just today, having posted here I stoped myself from getting a bottle of wine after my girl went to bed. Going to sleep instead
thank you for your time and thoughts
IG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 11
thank you for your kind thoughts
tonight, I did not reach for a bottle after my girl went to sleep thanks to you.
Im just going to bed.
can I talk to you privately? tomorrow
I can use as much help as I can get
have a nice evening
IG
tonight, I did not reach for a bottle after my girl went to sleep thanks to you.
Im just going to bed.
can I talk to you privately? tomorrow
I can use as much help as I can get
have a nice evening
IG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 11
thank you for your kind thoughts
tonight, I did not reach for a bottle after my girl went to sleep thanks to you.
Im just going to bed.
can I talk to you privately? tomorrow
I can use as much help as I can get
have a nice evening
IG
tonight, I did not reach for a bottle after my girl went to sleep thanks to you.
Im just going to bed.
can I talk to you privately? tomorrow
I can use as much help as I can get
have a nice evening
IG
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 104
Hi IG, I am only on Day 11, but our stories are very similar. I also drank for about 30 years. Mostly wine. I got so tired of all the planning and thinking about alcohol (when/where to drink, how to get rid of the empty bottles, etc). I wanted to invite you to come join us in the November support group. You are not alone. We are all working through the same things... how to navigate relationships/social situations/daily stresses/emotions/etc without alcohol. I hope to see you there. We can do this together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by wiseheart 
Hi IG, I am only on Day 11, but our stories are very similar. I also drank for about 30 years. Mostly wine. I got so tired of all the planning and thinking about alcohol (when/where to drink, how to get rid of the empty bottles, etc). I wanted to invite you to come join us in the November support group. You are not alone. We are all working through the same things... how to navigate relationships/social situations/daily stresses/emotions/etc without alcohol. I hope to see you there. We can do this together.
people sharing same stories help me not to feel like I am going crazy.
Day one for me. Getting on this website help me from opening another bottle after my girl went to sleep last night. I guess, one thing at the time. But I know at least I won't be hiding bottles this morning.
Do you have similar neurological complications? If so did they ease up?
How do I join November support group?
sorry, im new to this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by DAB
Find an AA meeting to attend. If you don’t like that one try another.
They are all a little different, find one where you feel comfortable.
I struggled for thirty years to get sober on my own. I have been sober for six years thanks to the support I get from my AA home group.
They are all a little different, find one where you feel comfortable.
I struggled for thirty years to get sober on my own. I have been sober for six years thanks to the support I get from my AA home group.
this group seems like a good start.
Thank you
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
If you're interested in the AA approach have you looked into online AA meetings IG?
All you need to do to join the November group is post in the thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...pt-1-a-18.html
D
All you need to do to join the November group is post in the thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...pt-1-a-18.html
D
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 104
Hi IG, I am so glad that you that put down the bottle last night and are still here. I also had to talk myself out of an urge last night. Yes, I also started experiencing neurological and other physical issues: sharp, painful pins and needles that started in the hands and then eventually spread throughout the body, joint pain, sharp pains in abdomen/liver area, weird heart sensations, patchy dry skin.... not to mention those awful hangovers (headaches, nausea, etc). Like you, even though these things freaked me out enough to go to the doctor's office multiple times, I pretended that none of this had to do with my drinking. I finally woke up to reality this year. Today is Day 12 for me and "miraculously," almost all of these symptoms (except the joint pain) have disappeared. To help me stay quit, I made a number of lists to remind me why I'm doing this. One was of all the (bad) memories of things that happened when I drank too much, another was all the physical issues I experienced while drinking (which included the above), another was all of the physical/emotional/financial benefits that would come from not drinking. I still add to them from time to time. I can always refer to them when the urges hit. Don't get me wrong, it is not all a bed of roses. But I wake up every morning sober with no regrets and I feel deep gratitude for that. Please stay close to SR. I read more than I post, but this place and the wonderful people here have already helped me get through so many rough patches. Please keep reading and posting. I am so glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 39
Well, you've got me beat. I pretty much spent every night of my children's childhood drunk. Looking back, I guess that makes me a pretty lousy Dad, even though they didn't actually know I was drunk those nights.
On the other hand, I've got two terrific grandkids who I'd like to live long enough to see graduate from high school (right now, they're eight years and 28 months). They adore me and I always want to be that Grandpa for them.
For me, the final straw was when my bile ducts went on strike and the result in my toilet was pretty scary. I realized that I was headed for a serious medical problem if I didn't finally ditch the booze.
Actually, my life circumstances for the past six to seven months have been all part of getting my attention and stopping my drinking. I knew what was happening and I tried to stop, but it was tough. Kind of like being anchored to a wall by a giant rubber band. I'd walk away from that wall, but the further I got, the harder it became until I finally snapped back and drank again.
This time I think (hope) the rubber band broke. If I drink again, I'll probably end up in the hospital or worse.
Glad you're taking the same steps in the same direction. I'm really new here myself, but having done a bit of reading on the forum, I can tell you that supporting sobriety seems to be what it's all about.
On the other hand, I've got two terrific grandkids who I'd like to live long enough to see graduate from high school (right now, they're eight years and 28 months). They adore me and I always want to be that Grandpa for them.
For me, the final straw was when my bile ducts went on strike and the result in my toilet was pretty scary. I realized that I was headed for a serious medical problem if I didn't finally ditch the booze.
Actually, my life circumstances for the past six to seven months have been all part of getting my attention and stopping my drinking. I knew what was happening and I tried to stop, but it was tough. Kind of like being anchored to a wall by a giant rubber band. I'd walk away from that wall, but the further I got, the harder it became until I finally snapped back and drank again.
This time I think (hope) the rubber band broke. If I drink again, I'll probably end up in the hospital or worse.
Glad you're taking the same steps in the same direction. I'm really new here myself, but having done a bit of reading on the forum, I can tell you that supporting sobriety seems to be what it's all about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 11
thank you for your reply. day one here. hiding in my bedroom, reading all the posts.
I am glad to hear your symptoms have disappeared after 12 days off the wine. Its sounds promising. I feel like in the middle of this all its hard to figure out the chicken and the egg thing. its been going on for a while now. I thought I used alcohol to ease the pain, but it might be the pain used me to get more alcohol for my brain.
hope you had nice day and have fun plans for this weekend.
I'm on the timer for now. 12-24 then 36-48
day one down....talked to my BBF ...she's just the best...
hope we talk soon
I am glad to hear your symptoms have disappeared after 12 days off the wine. Its sounds promising. I feel like in the middle of this all its hard to figure out the chicken and the egg thing. its been going on for a while now. I thought I used alcohol to ease the pain, but it might be the pain used me to get more alcohol for my brain.
hope you had nice day and have fun plans for this weekend.
I'm on the timer for now. 12-24 then 36-48
day one down....talked to my BBF ...she's just the best...
hope we talk soon
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