Time2Rise

I can't figure this out. I'm coming off an all night alcohol and cocaine binge. I really don't like myself right now. I want to be sober, but I also want to drink. What I want is to not have the urge to drink or thoughts of drinking.

I'm going back to AA tomorrow evening. At least I'll be around sober people and it will keep me accountable. Tomorrow will be yet another day one. Sigh, I'll feel better tomorrow, but today I'm just scatterbrained, depressed and completely demoralized.

I want off this roller coaster.

Thanks for letting me vent a little.

doggonecarl

That's the end result of successful recovery. Not abstinence. If you aren't doing anything to learn to cope without alcohol and drugs, if you can't embrace the sober life without resenting the inability to get high or drink, the thoughts of drinking and drugging will always be there.

DreamCatcher17

The thoughts could be there for a while. Come up witha plan of action when those thoughts come into play.
Work out
Read
Go for a walk
Call someone in AA
Come here and post, stay here
Read stories from those who have a year or longer, there is a forum on that.
Look around the forum, there are a lot of great stories.

I like to keep my hands and mind busy by;
Cleaning
painting
finding new things for my son and me to do together
I come here often
I got to AA
I read a lot
There is an app I have on my phone for Addicts as well that I frequent.

Best of luck, you are worth living a sober and drug-free life.

Time2Rise

Thank you. I have to make sobriety and my recovery priority number one.

Time2Rise

"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing."

This is me . . . Such an insane illusion. I simply cannot drink.

RogerD

Well, I will say this. After just hitting year 2 of sobriety I'm finally becoming somewhat comfortable with not drinking. It takes a while to correct decades of dealing with stress or other emotions through alcohol. Even after a year there were many days my only priority was to not drink. And for the first three months that was my only priority - don't drink and go to work so I could pay my bills. Anything else was extra. That's how you have to attack those impulses.

ScottFromWI

It is a simple concept but not an easy one to implement, right?

Start making a list of actionable items that you can do to make it happen if that helps. It's a lot easier to reach a larger goal when you break it down into smaller steps.

Forward12

We always feel like garbage after an episode. The best plan of action is to reach out before it happens.

Time2Rise

At the top of the list is attend an AA meeting tomorrow evening and continue to attend.

Also, be more active here.

And write up a plan tomorrow when my head is clearer.

And white knuckle it for a couple of weeks, but the AA meetings should help with that. Attending puts me in a positive frame of mind.

Anna

Yes, simple, but not easy.

The desire to drink will go away in the presence of abstinence. But, you have to commit yourself to the abstinence first.

MindfulMan

Let's not talk about being a mess. I wasn't the worst I've heard by a long shot after my final binge, but it was pretty bad.

I always felt horrible in immediate withdrawal, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You're in that place.

Do you have any CA meetings near you? Although not that different, I found them more helpful in a way than AA as I was cross addicted to coke and some other things. The stories ring truer to me.

Once you feel well enough, come up with a detailed and specific sobriety plan. Not just "I'm going to meetings," but which ones, which days of the week, etc. As well as anything else that will help you remain sober.

Get help, 12 Step or otherwise. Nobody can do this alone.

Time2Rise

Thank you all. Today is Day One and I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday, and much more positive, but I have a lot of work to do in order to be successful this time around.

tomsteve

why in the world would you white knuckle it for a couple of weeks when you can start recovery NOW?

FreeOwl

I've been there.

What I'd like to offer you right now is one sentence:

"It was absolutely worth every single second of challenge to commit to and live in sobriety; my life is better than ever now".

You can.

thomas11

I've often said that when one first begins sobriety, it helps to make it the most important thing in your life for at least awhile. As important as the air you breath. For many of us, anything less will lead us back to drinking. I wish you the best.

Time2Rise

I believe I am starting recovery now. By white knuckling it temporarily, I'm saying I am facing the reality that early on there will be days when I will have strong cravings and thoughts of drinking. That is, I recognize that when those times come (and they will these first few weeks) I will have to simply say no and stay strong as I work through the rough spots. Of course, there are things I can do such as calling others, posting here, urge surfing, maybe praying etc.; however, ultimately, I alone will need to exert some willpower and effort in these early weeks.

Are you saying you didn't have any cravings or thoughts of drinking the first few weeks of your sobriety and that you didn't need to use some willpower to overcome those urges? Perhaps you and I have a different understanding of white knuckling.

tomsteve

just a different underastanding of white knuckling.

SoberLeigh

Yes, this!!!!

Sobriety has been one of the best decisions of my life. My suggestion, Time2Rise, would be to find and utilize the support systems that work the best for you. Add to your support systems if you find it necessary.

Do whatever it takes to maintain sobriety and move forward in recovery.

It won't always be easy, may at times be downright difficult, but it wil ALWAYS be worth it.

SoberLeigh

Have you seen Dee's thread on the importance of a Plan?

I'll post a link in a minute!!!

SoberLeigh

As promised, Time2Rise:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)