Anon88

I'm a 29 year old man who has struggled with depression and addiction on and off for the last 15 years or more of my life. It started out with drinking at parties in middle and high school and that created a habit of drinking and using as much as possible. This was my way to escape a strict christian upbringing that felt like a prison. Whenever I could drink or use drugs I could escape the feelings of guilt from religious judgment from family. That isn't the only reason though I did enjoy being high and drunk. This carried on throughout college and I got a DUI at 19 but kept drinking and using afterward. I graduated and have held jobs but have no solid career. I lost my last job after I became manager and the stress became overwhelming. I had a girlfriend during this time as well and discovered she was cheating and then she left me. The combination of that and job stress drove me to cocaine and alcohol use on an almost nightly basis. I wanted to die and basically used my credit cards to fuel my addictions and feelings of worthlessness. I developed feelings towards women where I have come to believe all they want are material things and if I cant offer that then I might as well be dead.

I'm now back home with my 60+ year old parents and it is humiliating for my pride. I'm trying to pay off the 18k in credit card debt I racked up but it will take almost 2 more years where all of my spare cash goes to that. The thought of that and being broke and alone is horrifying. I got a decent corporate job that requires me to commute 45 minutes there and back and it's the only way for me to pay things off. I can afford rent but if I moved out I would never pay the debt back. This is creating a vicious cycle of using, feeling guilty, paying off the debt, then becoming miserable because of having no money and reverting back to using. It sucks and I can't even afford decent clothes to wear to work. I can feel people judging me because of how broke I look and I just want to die or drink and use until the pain goes away. I know what I have to do but when I come out on the other side I'm still going to be a broke 31year old man with nothing to offer a woman. I regret my mistakes but I also hate society for creating judgmental people who base peoples worth on material belongings. Has anyone ever been here and come out ok on the other side?

andyh

hi Anon88,

I know where you're coming from. we get sober & hope everything's going to be rainbows & unicorns, but real life is still there waiting for us:

Son
Of a
B1tch
Everything's
Real!

while it's not the most pleasant of realizations, the alternative, potentially, is to be an older, broke man with even more debt to clear if you backslide.

$18k sounds like a lot to have to clear in two years - is there a way you can move it to something with lower interest & pay it off over a little longer? at least then you'd be able to afford work clothes & maybe a little over to give you some control over your life, & from that, hopefully, some hope.

do you have a program of recovery? not necessarily a formal one, but one that works for you?

least

I hope our support can help you get clean and sober for good.

rascalwhiteoak

Aside from what you may be able to offer a woman, what might you be able to offer yourself? Admit to yourself that you are worthy of a better life. Debt, clothing and religious PTSD can be resolved later

DangerZone

Plenty of people have been in your situation and turned things around. There are also plenty of people that were in your situation and gave up and ended up homeless or dead by their own hands or a drug overdose. Don't let that be you.

Getting sober won't solve all your problems right away but without sobriety things are only going to get worse. Once you get sober your problems that seem impossible right now will go away with time. Trust me, I've been there.

Look as your life as book. The end chapter has not been written yet. Lets make this a happy ending. You can do it. If others have then so can you.

Remember, no matter how bleak your future looks there is always hope. Your future has not been written yet. It's up to you to learn from your mistakes and make this a happy ending.

MythOfSisyphus

I know it doesn't seem like there's a way out now, Anon, but there is. Money is important but in the grand scheme of thing it's nothing compared to your health and sobriety. Take care of yourself and get sober and you'll be surprised what you can do.

There are expenses and problems. If money can fix something it's an expense and expenses are not as bad as problems. Drinking and addiction are problems!

FreeOwl

Four years ago I was single, in debt about seventy grand, in the verge of having my children taken away, and pretty much miserable with two DUIs to my name and a lot of despair dragging me down.

Today I am mostly out of debt (recently bought a vacation home and took the family on an expensive trip so have a little debt for now) am remarried with another new baby and life is pretty darn good.

Oh, and I’ve been sober nearly 4 years.

Prettty sure there’s a correlation.

Keep it up with sobriety and everything will be amazing.

Eaglelizard

Some women who only care about material things gravitate to guys who have nothing in particular to offer except material things. These guys sometimes end up with these women because their boozy lifestyles didn't expose them to much else. I'd say eliminate the booze and figure out who you are for a bit, then everything will seem a lot less hopeless.

Bunny211

I am in the process of paying off 35K in credit card debt. I tackled it once I got sober. I had to consolidate it, and get the payments down. I used American Consumer Credit Counseling (ACC) to negotiate with the credit card companies and lower my amount owed to just about 18K and at around 6 mos sober I started throwing $900 a month towards my debt. I also cashed out a portion of my 401K (took a big tax hit) to pay some of it down as well. I had to really buckle down with my spending but it has been worth it. I will be out of debt by the first of the year. I once had a great job making lot of $$, fell on my face from drinking and became nearly destitute. Now I am almost debt free, have a nice place to live, a fantastic job in my chosen career making nearly what I used to make, a car, friends etc. Next up...saving for a ski vacation out west. It IS possible if you work for it. I could NOT have done this without my sobriety. Sobriety is freedom. I hope this gives you some hope!

PinnacleOR

Agree with what's been said here. Problems seems huge an unmanageable when you're drinking and using. Sober up, get a clear head and tackle your problems head on. They won't be so scary. And if you get sober, work on yourself and commit to helping others you're going to be very attractive to someone out there, I guarantee it. Your life will change for the better in ways you can't even comprehend now.

Anna

It sounds like you are overwhelmed at the moment, so try to take a step back and have faith that you can get through this. Bunny's comment about consolidating debt and hopefully reducing the amount sounds like a great idea.