LoveForMe

I am just over 5 months sober and it's like I don't know who I am anymore. I've been analyzing everything I do and feel like I need to change so many things about me. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere anymore... it's hard for me to explain but I was wondering if anyone can relate to feeling this way.

DontRemember

I've changed a lot in the past 8 months(coming up on a yr sober) and have a lot more planned for next year. Just getting through the holidays is my goal for now. Make lists of things you would like to change/do that will improve you. We spent a lot of time focusing on the drink/drug,so now there's a lot of time to make up for lost time. At least that's how I'm seeing it now.

LoveForMe

Thank you, I will try making that list😊

Ghostlight1

I feel ya.
I didn't even fit in with other drunks, besides my few drinking buddies, while I was drinking.
I don't try to fit in. I am who I am and so be it.
Maybe find people you have something in common with. Like an AA meeting.
Or, be like me, a quirky, odd and somewhat crazy individual. After all, that's what we all share. we're individuals. I spent half my life trying NOT to fit in to societies norms.
Now that I'm older, and sober, I play it where it lays. I'm going to get along with some people and not others.
I work in the entertainment business and I've found my niche as far as work goes.

You'll find yourself, and where you fit in. It's a journey, not a destination.

boyml27

Hi, I am six weeks sober, and I have discovered something I haven’t done since college, which is writing. All these things I want to get on paper. I loved it when I was young, but alcohol changed me. My focus was being the best fraud I could be, the functioning alcoholic. I drank until I saw my 50th birthday staring at me and I realized I had no idea who I really was. I have bullshitted my way through 25 years. I hope through remembering what once brought me happiness will guide me to who I really am. So anyway, you have voiced how I am feeling as well. Thanks for making me feel I’m not alone!!!

Berrybean

Yes. I relate. It passed for me as I began to be more accepting that would just be who I turned out to be, and for once wasn't so fussed about being the best, or prettiest, or cleverest,or people liking me or approving of me. All that not-enoughness! I'm not going back there. I figure that if I can accept others and love them with their quirks and flaws, I can jolly well learn to do the same for myself.

BB

sobersolstice

I'm at around a couple months dry, but have had stopped for 6 months a good time ago.

I thought my viewpoint toward certain aspects of work, and life would just pop into a positive bright light like it had before, but it's taking a while. I'm not sure what I want to do, or exactly who I am, or why I'm here. Super introspective this go around for me.

What I do know is that my friends like me better this way :-).

MythOfSisyphus

Maybe it's time to rediscover who you really are, Kateangel. Or to become the person you want to be.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Kate.

I can totally relate to it.

And what I've learned so far in sobriety, this process of undergoing personal re-discovery is natural.

Here's the quote I am pondering on once in a while.

“What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.”

The further in sobriety I am, the more things which I "know for sure" I start questioning. And I am growing comfortable with questioning. If, first, losing my "reality" was scary to the degree of paralysis, now it's more of a challenge - what else I believe in may be not true?

I started with questioning the definition of "Who I am?", of personality.

What makes my personality? What makes me be me?

I believe personality as a set-in-stone feature is grossly overrated.

For sure, there are innate characteristics coded in DNA which we can't change.

But for about 90%, if not more, what I think I am was molded by immediate environment and set of beliefs I've been exposed to most of my life.

You've probably heard an expression which is growing extremely popular now "You are not your mind".

It means that all those thoughts floating in conscious mind and "feeding" my perception of reality are not really "mine" - I digest them from environment I spend most time in.

If I want to really get to know who I am, I have to get my head out of routine environment and get a fresh view.

And, yes, it's scary. It's like losing gravity.

When I stopped drinking it triggered challenging lots of "for sure" beliefs. Lots of things which were "normal" under the influence appeared to be far from being "normal" (whatever in the world it means).

It turned out I needed wine to tolerate and even like many things in my life. Without wine there was no way to put up with them any more.

I had to cut people out of my life who didn't belong there any more. Well, they didn't belong there in the first place. But alcohol fog prevented me from realizing it.

People will tell you that you are "not like yourself". What they are really saying in most cases, is that you don't do what they want you to do .

Quitting alcohol is a major change in life. It requires lots of changes and personal growth. Many people won't be ready to grow along with your and contrast in your behavior and lifestyle will make them uncomfortable. It's ok.

Enjoy the journey though. You finally have a chance to meet your real self. Day by day, action by action you will scrap the false layers from you and feel more and more alive. When your life your life, you feel it. There is no logical way to explain. You just know.

Best wishes to you.

LoveForMe

Thank you everyone! I am going to try better to embrace and appreciate my journey. :-)

mielz

New life ahead , experience once had in the problem you will face again and they will be different because you are now different. It will take time to learn to walk this path but it wouldn’t be one you regret

woowinnielrrm

omg read my post I just did here. DAY ZERO. Id give anything to be sober as long as you! And the funny thing is, even drinking I feel the same as you do. I look at you as an inspiration. You have obviously come so far, and I wish you the best!!

LoveForMe

Thank you! I'm so glad I can inspire you😊

Just don't give up. Especially on hope.

I'm 30 years old and I was first hospitalized in Jan 2016 for detox and withdrawals. And again a few months later. And three more times after (ince i was 5150'd) And then a handful of withdrawals on my own at home. But every time I returned back to drinking it just got worse each time. I almost lost my job I have also had for 13 years.

I feel like my drinking progressed really fast in the end. I started drinking when I was 16... I see now i was always a problem drinker, blacking out from very early on. But honostly, if I had to do it all over again in order to come to the conclusion that life does NOT need alcohol... I would in a heart beat. I might feel like I don't belong but like you, I felt it when I was drinking too, honestly. Probably why I drank?

Good luck to you too! You can do this and trust me it DOES get better.

heavencanwait

I am just coming up for 5 months. We are adjusting to our new life and it will take time.