Cjmyers513

I think it's time to talk. Let's start at the beginning. 9 years ago my first daughter was born. Up until this time, I was strictly a social drinker. A few beers out with friends every once and a while. I was very active. I ran between 9 to 10 miles a week and ate well balanced meals. My wife was just the same...and still is. I wish it stayed that way. I wish I was that person again. How did I let it get this far? I'm going to start off by saying, I love my life. I hate myself, but love my life. I have and amazing wife of 11 years and two beautifully amazingly smart daughters. Ages 9 and 5. I remember the night it all started. My first daughter was only a few months old. A friend of my wife's brought over 1/2 gallon of Jack Daniels her brother had given her. She didn't like it so she gave it to me cause she knew I did. At the time, my daughter wasn't sleeping very well and I needed to sleep; I needed to be at work early and my wife was a stay at home mom so she had the night duties. It started as a few drinks every few nights to fall asleep. Over the next 4-5 years it only got worse. It was almost every night. My wife started noticing and brought it to my attention. I told her it was fine. Nothing to worry about. I know she's worried about me...and so am I. Now, skip to present time. I'm drinking a fifth of caption and coke a night. I very rarely drink beer as I'm not really a fan. I hide it. I never want my girls to see me like that so I've never drank in front of them. It's only when they go to sleep. So, when bed time hits, it's power drinking time. I start at about 8:30 and by 11:30 it's gone and it's time for bed. My wife knows I'm drunk, but she really doesn't say anything about it, but I'm pretty sure she don't know HOW much I drink. I tend to fib about it and say stuff like, "no, hun, that was bottle was from a few days ago". Now, I'm not a loud drunk. I don't yell and hit and start fights at all. I mainly just still to myself and watch movies with her. So, every morning's a train wreck over and over again. I stumble out of bed, late most of the time, and try to get the kids ready for school and myself ready for work. I'm hungover so I have zero patience and quickly start yelling at them cause their not getting ready quick enough. I feel like **** and every morning and I swear to myself I'm not drinking that night, but we all know that's a lie. In the past 6 years I've never been sober longer than a day or two.

I feel like I've missed my kids childhood. I black out almost every night and the next day seem to have forgotten all of yesterday. I miss my old self. I miss not living with guilt.

Thanks for listening to me rant. I'm one day sober. One day at a time...right?

skyfullofstars

One day at a time is keeping me from throwing in the towel and relapsing for the millionth time. It is too much in early sobriety to worry about future hypothetical situations.

Just focus on the day ahead when you wake up. Looking too far ahead is what caused me to fail before. I am still very new to this, only six days sober under my belt but I am feeling confident this time.

Only sixteen hours. You can do it.

least

Welcome to the family. One day at a time is how we live our lives, so it's a good practice in sobriety too.

I'm glad you found us. I hope our support can help you stay sober for good.

Donnyb

We have all been there CJ which is why we are all on here. You have already done better than you have in the last 6 years so KEEP GOING!! You can do this! Not easy but you sure have enough reasons why you need too

Lookingforchange

You can do this. It is one day at a time, not dwelling on the past not obsessing with with future just living in the moment. Sometimes it’s one hour at a time for me.

Coldfusion

Welcome, and congratulations on one day sober! Please make this the last time you go through alcohol withdrawal.

Here's a couple good threads to join:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6655764

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6671934 (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 314)

boyml27

I started the same pattern as you when my son was five and I just stopped six weeks ago, right after he turned thirty. You still have so much time to be sober and present for them. Stay sober. It’s worth it. I wish you the very best.

AAPJ

Hello CJ and welcome.

Over 50 male married w 2 daughters here. I really relate to your post. You still have time with your daughters. Mine are older. You still have a lot. Many who show up here have lost it all.

When I started back in AA in 2015 I thought no more alcohol for the rest of my life? What BS I thought.

But one day at a time? OK I can do that. Two years later I'm 15 pounds lighter and I woke up sober this morning. Sure beats my old experience. It went something like this:

8am - I feel like s***. I'm not going to drink today
5pm - drink in hand and not feeling good about myself

This went on for years.

Again welcome.

Cjmyers513

Thank you guys for all the kind and motivating words. Day 2 today! I had dreams last night! Dreams I could remember! It's really been a while for that.

boyml27

I love dreaming now! Or rather, I love remembering them! I’m happy for you...