Guys I am in trouble, got dui charge
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Facing consequences is the best way for me to evaluate my behavior and determine whether deep in my soul I am good with my behavior or not. Dodging a bullet, or easy way out, or codependant (think wily lawyer) solutions can actually be detrimental in the long run because they hamper my getting to the gut level place I need to go in order honestly evaluate my behavior. Leaving me doomed to probably repeat the behavior.
Consequences are also far reaching, extending way beyond me and my little private world. I might feel the results in judicial, financial, time and energy, etc. but so do others. Loved ones, even people I don't know. The ripples from of my actions show up in a myriad of ways.
Consequences are also far reaching, extending way beyond me and my little private world. I might feel the results in judicial, financial, time and energy, etc. but so do others. Loved ones, even people I don't know. The ripples from of my actions show up in a myriad of ways.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by whopper 
I know in the eyes of the law I am wrong, but I had control of the vehicle, I didn't crash, and the road was narrow. Thats what I am saying. Its the truth.
just becuase ya didnt crash and had control of the vehicle doesnt make what ya did ok.
thats coming from someone with 2 DUI's. yup, i did it, but i dont condone nor approve of it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: upstate new york
Posts: 131
hey whopper....hope everything is ok with you. I will take the flip side and say that even tho drinking and driving is bad .....**** happens. no need to crucify yourself or go broke over it. I've had 2 and never paid more than a grand for a lawyer or more than 500 in fines. worse thing was on my 2nd was going to drunken fool school on saturdays for a couple months to get my license back. as others said get a lawyer and a local one. same city or town. lawyers..judges..prosecuters are all birds of the same flock looking to feather there own nest. it's the way it works on a plea. good luck and I hope you cheer up. don't understand all the doom and gloom and negativity. we all make mistakes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
Originally Posted by tomsteve
rationalization is giving a socially acceptable reason for socially unacceptable behavior, and socially unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity.
just becuase ya didnt crash and had control of the vehicle doesnt make what ya did ok.
thats coming from someone with 2 DUI's. yup, i did it, but i dont condone nor approve of it.
just becuase ya didnt crash and had control of the vehicle doesnt make what ya did ok.
thats coming from someone with 2 DUI's. yup, i did it, but i dont condone nor approve of it.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
In case it helps you...here are your threads going back three years.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...archid=7970927
Most have a common subtext...”well, yes I drink, but (firing/argument/breakup/binge/arrest) is because of all these other reasons.”
You’re not a stupid guy. At some point, the common denominator is that you drink alcoholically and that is the causal factor here.
Yes?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...archid=7970927
Most have a common subtext...”well, yes I drink, but (firing/argument/breakup/binge/arrest) is because of all these other reasons.”
You’re not a stupid guy. At some point, the common denominator is that you drink alcoholically and that is the causal factor here.
Yes?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
In case it helps you...here are your threads going back three years.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...archid=7970927
Most have a common subtext...”well, yes I drink, but (firing/argument/breakup/binge/arrest) is because of all these other reasons.”
You’re not a stupid guy. At some point, the common denominator is that you drink alcoholically and that is the causal factor here.
Yes?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...archid=7970927
Most have a common subtext...”well, yes I drink, but (firing/argument/breakup/binge/arrest) is because of all these other reasons.”
You’re not a stupid guy. At some point, the common denominator is that you drink alcoholically and that is the causal factor here.
Yes?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
If you click on your name (or anyones for that matter) in a thread post it comes up with a drop down menu, on which there is an option to 'find all threads started by whoever'.
I'd say that some of the biggest things that I've learned in recovery is...
- how to recognise and accept my own part in situations (without slipping into auto-excuse mode eg. Well yes I did punch the bargirl on the nose BUT blah blah blah). Rationalising everything to excuse my shoddy behaviour never really did me much good - just set me up to carry on with it and have more consequences to rationalise. It goes on and on and on and on if we let it.
- How to apologise (without said auto-excuse coming on). Think about it. If someone apologises to you and then sticks a cruddy 'but' on the end, do you think they really meant it? NO. Because they probably didn't. They're still blaming x y and z (and probably you) for their own behaviour.
I suppose what it boils down to is, do you think you were right to be in control of the vehicle drunk? Is that you being the person you respect and want to be? If yes, then I would presume you came here for a sympathetic audience. If no, then hopefully you're here because you want to get sober and draw a line under all the shenanigans. Don't get me wrong. I was on a massive pity-party when I first came here, and was yet to learn just how culpable I (along with my ex-partner in crime, alcohol) was in my own demise. I've gained back the biggest thing I lost - and that is my integrity. The ability to say and do what I believe to be the right thing, and recognise it and put things right if I realise that I have messed up.
Whopper - what is it you want from this thread?
BB
I'd say that some of the biggest things that I've learned in recovery is...
- how to recognise and accept my own part in situations (without slipping into auto-excuse mode eg. Well yes I did punch the bargirl on the nose BUT blah blah blah). Rationalising everything to excuse my shoddy behaviour never really did me much good - just set me up to carry on with it and have more consequences to rationalise. It goes on and on and on and on if we let it.
- How to apologise (without said auto-excuse coming on). Think about it. If someone apologises to you and then sticks a cruddy 'but' on the end, do you think they really meant it? NO. Because they probably didn't. They're still blaming x y and z (and probably you) for their own behaviour.
I suppose what it boils down to is, do you think you were right to be in control of the vehicle drunk? Is that you being the person you respect and want to be? If yes, then I would presume you came here for a sympathetic audience. If no, then hopefully you're here because you want to get sober and draw a line under all the shenanigans. Don't get me wrong. I was on a massive pity-party when I first came here, and was yet to learn just how culpable I (along with my ex-partner in crime, alcohol) was in my own demise. I've gained back the biggest thing I lost - and that is my integrity. The ability to say and do what I believe to be the right thing, and recognise it and put things right if I realise that I have messed up.
Whopper - what is it you want from this thread?
BB
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
I had one in 2002. I didn't get a lawyer and I got the minimums. I accepted responsibility and did everything I was told by the court.
What I didn't do was make excuses...
My advice is: accept responsibility and quit drinking. Like it was said before, you aren't the first or the last and it's not the end of the world however: it is going to suck for a while but YOU caused this by drinking and driving even if you were "in control".
I do feel that you are more worried about getting out of this than taking care of the real problem, or how you call it: "some issues with alcohol".
How's your plan looking?
What I didn't do was make excuses...
My advice is: accept responsibility and quit drinking. Like it was said before, you aren't the first or the last and it's not the end of the world however: it is going to suck for a while but YOU caused this by drinking and driving even if you were "in control".
I do feel that you are more worried about getting out of this than taking care of the real problem, or how you call it: "some issues with alcohol".
How's your plan looking?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: upstate new york
Posts: 131
hey whopper...hope everything is ok with you. I thought I would bring this thread back to the top because it reminded me of my circumstances a while back. its just human nature to look at the problem at hand versus the underlying problem and I hope you are dealing with both the best you can. let us know ok ?
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Nothing wrong with minimizing the legal damage. A drunk driving conviction can follow you around for years. Depending on your location, a lawyer is the best idea if you can afford it, or go the PD route.
HOWEVER, this should be a wake-up call, even if the charge is completely dismissed. Do you want it to happen again, or far worse, do you want to be responsible for your own or someone else's death/severe injury because you drove drunk?
HOWEVER, this should be a wake-up call, even if the charge is completely dismissed. Do you want it to happen again, or far worse, do you want to be responsible for your own or someone else's death/severe injury because you drove drunk?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
Originally Posted by MindfulMan
Nothing wrong with minimizing the legal damage. A drunk driving conviction can follow you around for years. Depending on your location, a lawyer is the best idea if you can afford it, or go the PD route.
HOWEVER, this should be a wake-up call, even if the charge is completely dismissed. Do you want it to happen again, or far worse, do you want to be responsible for your own or someone else's death/severe injury because you drove drunk?
HOWEVER, this should be a wake-up call, even if the charge is completely dismissed. Do you want it to happen again, or far worse, do you want to be responsible for your own or someone else's death/severe injury because you drove drunk?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
The shame and guilt is overwhelming. I stopped drinking today and I plan on staying sober. I also hired a lawyer as well, hoping they will be able to plea bargain a deal which would be best for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
here is a super simple formula:
LEGAL matters = Hire an Attorney
MEDICAL matters = See a Doctor
ALCOHOL problems = Quit Drinking permanently
LEGAL matters = Hire an Attorney
MEDICAL matters = See a Doctor
ALCOHOL problems = Quit Drinking permanently
Good luck whopper.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by whopper
The shame and guilt is overwhelming. I stopped drinking today and I plan on staying sober. I also hired a lawyer as well, hoping they will be able to plea bargain a deal which would be best for me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
Originally Posted by JScatt
So Whopper, you were not given a field sobriety test? Walk the line, count backwards etc etc?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
If you were tested at the station that means they got blood? Or did you blow there? Are the results going to be over the limit? That will tell what happens.
Have you started classes or anything like that? You will probably be required to do some so starting will give a good impression to the judge. Dress appropriately and address the Court with a yes ma'am or yes sir.
I read that you are quitting and that is step one. Now, your plan. How's that going? Having a plan really helped me.
Keep participating here. We support you.
If you were tested at the station that means they got blood? Or did you blow there? Are the results going to be over the limit? That will tell what happens.
Have you started classes or anything like that? You will probably be required to do some so starting will give a good impression to the judge. Dress appropriately and address the Court with a yes ma'am or yes sir.
I read that you are quitting and that is step one. Now, your plan. How's that going? Having a plan really helped me.
Keep participating here. We support you.
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