What’s the trick to avoid a relapse?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 260
What’s the trick to avoid a relapse?
I did it again. I feel like garbage. I was doing quite well up until a couple weeks ago. Then my old habits sneak into my life. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, but this is getting really annoying. I have a wonderful support system and seems I’m wasting it. Am I wrong to ask my wife to stop drinking in order to help myself? Is that selfish? She stops for beer on the way home and I try,but some days it just doesn’t work. I know something will work eventually
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you're posting.
I'll keep it short because my answer to your question, for me, is very simple.
I decided I would never drink again.
I accepted- completely- that there was no "off button" for me once I started.
I also accepted that my sobriety has to come "at any cost, to any lengths" and absolutely, 100% depends on me and NO ONE else. Even my beloved fiance - and my parents- and...
When - IF- you can do that, and commit to a recovery program (mine is AA) then our disease can turn into a life of freedom and greater peace than ever before.
Perhaps check out the Class of Nov 2017 thread? Other people quitting this month, or even considering it, share their timing and journey together.
I'll keep it short because my answer to your question, for me, is very simple.
I decided I would never drink again.
I accepted- completely- that there was no "off button" for me once I started.
I also accepted that my sobriety has to come "at any cost, to any lengths" and absolutely, 100% depends on me and NO ONE else. Even my beloved fiance - and my parents- and...
When - IF- you can do that, and commit to a recovery program (mine is AA) then our disease can turn into a life of freedom and greater peace than ever before.
Perhaps check out the Class of Nov 2017 thread? Other people quitting this month, or even considering it, share their timing and journey together.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
The trick for me was working to build recovery instead of simply not drinking.
What things can you do to fill the void of time / energy you used to spend drinking?
Not just work stuff either--things that are fun, creative, and meaningful to you.
I hike, started trail running, playing guitar, reading novels, doing some writing and drawing--even working tabletop jigsaw puzzles if I am tempted to drink and in a rut.
What goals might you build towards in the next year?
Save your drinking money in a travel account and take a trip?
Buy some expensive hobby item you couldn't otherwise afford?
Reconnect with family and friends with home-cooked dinners
or small dates / weekends away without booze involved?
Become debt-free and declutter your home?
Get involved with a cause you care about?
All of this is now possible since you no longer drink and waste time, money, energy on a draining, worthless addiction.
In short, replace the drink with dreams and actions towards those dreams.
That's what life is for anyway
What things can you do to fill the void of time / energy you used to spend drinking?
Not just work stuff either--things that are fun, creative, and meaningful to you.
I hike, started trail running, playing guitar, reading novels, doing some writing and drawing--even working tabletop jigsaw puzzles if I am tempted to drink and in a rut.
What goals might you build towards in the next year?
Save your drinking money in a travel account and take a trip?
Buy some expensive hobby item you couldn't otherwise afford?
Reconnect with family and friends with home-cooked dinners
or small dates / weekends away without booze involved?
Become debt-free and declutter your home?
Get involved with a cause you care about?
All of this is now possible since you no longer drink and waste time, money, energy on a draining, worthless addiction.
In short, replace the drink with dreams and actions towards those dreams.
That's what life is for anyway
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Relapse starts in the mind. When yous tart having squirrely feelings, even if they are not related to drinking (like if you are in a pit of self loathing or rage or despair or apathy) TALK to someone. This is why we cannot do it alone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Seek God's help for getting sober and staying sober.
Find, work and stay active in a strong recovery Program.
Do not entertain the thought of drinking.
I have noticed that every time I relapsed I had entertained the thought of a drink for a while and usually talked myself right into it. Yes we know the thoughts of, it will be different this time, it won't end up like before, I can enjoy and control my drinking this time -- for me always ending up in a still worse relapse.
Remember to stay grateful for our sobriety -- it's the very best life not only for us but, for everyone around us.
Good luck,
M-Bob
Find, work and stay active in a strong recovery Program.
Do not entertain the thought of drinking.
I have noticed that every time I relapsed I had entertained the thought of a drink for a while and usually talked myself right into it. Yes we know the thoughts of, it will be different this time, it won't end up like before, I can enjoy and control my drinking this time -- for me always ending up in a still worse relapse.
Remember to stay grateful for our sobriety -- it's the very best life not only for us but, for everyone around us.
Good luck,
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 8
Dealing with relationship issues after relapsing
i relapse this saturday after being almost a year clean. I told my gf since i stopped keeping secrets with her. She said she told me when i started my recovery that she wont accept this again. It was my mistake and i feel really bad about it, she says she doesnt know if she will break up with me. I am new to sober recovery and will like help on this, i just dont want to go back to drugs if somethings happens and i feel terrible about relapsing.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 260
im Just pissed off at myself. I went a couple weeks and had 1 drink. Then went another week and had I drink again. Didn’t bother me. But Friday and yesterday were bad. Seems as soon as I am alone then that’s when I drink.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Singapore
Posts: 190
Hello Canuck,
I reckon this thread will get a lot of views because everyone wants to know the answer to this question. If there was a simple answer it would be pretty quiet around here.
I certainly don't know the answer (sorry), I wish I did. I just know that everything about my life is better now - and that seems to be doing the trick at the moment.
I reckon this thread will get a lot of views because everyone wants to know the answer to this question. If there was a simple answer it would be pretty quiet around here.
I certainly don't know the answer (sorry), I wish I did. I just know that everything about my life is better now - and that seems to be doing the trick at the moment.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
Originally Posted by Canuckleman45 
Seems as soon as I am alone then that’s when I drink.
Get out and do something else when you're in your "danger zone".
We are creatures of habit--change the habit
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
The trick? You can never drink again.
Scary isn’t it? It is not, it is the most freeing thing in the world to accept it.
But I fought it, tooth and nail. Stop fighting it, accept it. Believe it, want it.
Scary isn’t it? It is not, it is the most freeing thing in the world to accept it.
But I fought it, tooth and nail. Stop fighting it, accept it. Believe it, want it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i dont think it gets any simpler than that.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
the trick?
there's no one 'trick'
but the simple matter is:
Choose sobriety - every day
Support that choice with sober actions - every day
Don't drink alcohol
Repeat
there's no one 'trick'
but the simple matter is:
Choose sobriety - every day
Support that choice with sober actions - every day
Don't drink alcohol
Repeat
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1
[QUOTE=Mountainmanbob;6671051]
I have noticed that every time I relapsed I had entertained the thought of a drink for a while and usually talked myself right into it. Yes we know the thoughts of, it will be different this time, it won't end up like before, I can enjoy and control my drinking this time -- for me always ending up in a still worse relapse.
I don't know where my cravings/thoughts come from that bring about a relapse. But Mountainmanbob's words REALLY hit home for me. It's amazing how I can be sober and content, then within one hour, convinced that I can handle a few drinks. NO PROBLEM. That probably describes every relapse I've ever had!!
I have noticed that every time I relapsed I had entertained the thought of a drink for a while and usually talked myself right into it. Yes we know the thoughts of, it will be different this time, it won't end up like before, I can enjoy and control my drinking this time -- for me always ending up in a still worse relapse.
I don't know where my cravings/thoughts come from that bring about a relapse. But Mountainmanbob's words REALLY hit home for me. It's amazing how I can be sober and content, then within one hour, convinced that I can handle a few drinks. NO PROBLEM. That probably describes every relapse I've ever had!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Lots of good advice here already Canuckleman. I would also suggest that the best way to avoid drinking is to have a plan in place.
If someone wants to lose weight, they come up with a plan that generally involves diet, exercise, etc.
If someone wants to learn to play an instrument, they learn theory, and practice
If someone wants to bake a cake, they find a recipe, buy the ingredients, follow the instructions and clean up afterwards.
Getting sober is no different - simply "not drinking" is not enough. This link is a great read for what others have done if you've never read it:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
If someone wants to lose weight, they come up with a plan that generally involves diet, exercise, etc.
If someone wants to learn to play an instrument, they learn theory, and practice
If someone wants to bake a cake, they find a recipe, buy the ingredients, follow the instructions and clean up afterwards.
Getting sober is no different - simply "not drinking" is not enough. This link is a great read for what others have done if you've never read it:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,469
Make a plan to stay sober.
Have sober friends to call when you have a burning desire to drink
Come here as often as you need to
Read the stories from the 1 year plus sobriety page
go to meetings
go to rehab
remove toxic people from your life
One day at a time
Just a few "tricks"
Have sober friends to call when you have a burning desire to drink
Come here as often as you need to
Read the stories from the 1 year plus sobriety page
go to meetings
go to rehab
remove toxic people from your life
One day at a time
Just a few "tricks"
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