Slipped again
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Slipped again
Hi everyone. Just seeking support. Feel like I've been around forever and not learned anything 
Its gotten to the point where I drink every other weekend, when my kids go with their dad, to excess.
After ending up in an after hours club doing cocaine and subsequently going to the ER, I decided enough was enough (again).
A nice guy asked me on a date and I was so adamant that we would do anything but drink, which he was fine with.
Right before he picked me up I got so nervous I told him lets go ahead and have a drink. I drank till excess and woke up in my throw up.
I do not want to be this girl! I need to somehow learn to deal with my social anxiety or anxiety surrounding being around people without alcohol. I have a million reasons to quit, its just not fun anymore and I really want to prove I can date and have fun without it. Can't i?
Its gotten to the point where I drink every other weekend, when my kids go with their dad, to excess.
After ending up in an after hours club doing cocaine and subsequently going to the ER, I decided enough was enough (again).
A nice guy asked me on a date and I was so adamant that we would do anything but drink, which he was fine with.
Right before he picked me up I got so nervous I told him lets go ahead and have a drink. I drank till excess and woke up in my throw up.
I do not want to be this girl! I need to somehow learn to deal with my social anxiety or anxiety surrounding being around people without alcohol. I have a million reasons to quit, its just not fun anymore and I really want to prove I can date and have fun without it. Can't i?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back LLG 
I have more fun now than I ever did drinking - but it meant I had to accept that my old way of 'fun' was toxic to me and had to change.
Sounds like you have a lot to stay sober for.
Maybe it's finally time to leave the drinking party-hard girl behind?
D
I have more fun now than I ever did drinking - but it meant I had to accept that my old way of 'fun' was toxic to me and had to change.
Sounds like you have a lot to stay sober for.
Maybe it's finally time to leave the drinking party-hard girl behind?
D
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Originally Posted by FreedomCA 
Maybe avoid dating until you have a good amount of sober time?
Thing is I really don't want to have to give up being around ppl. This is a problem. Either sober isolation or a social alcoholic toxic life? There has to be another way?
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome back LLG
I have more fun now than I ever did drinking - but it meant I had to accept that my old way of 'fun' was toxic to me and had to change.
Sounds like you have a lot to stay sober for.
Maybe it's finally time to leave the drinking party-hard girl behind?
D
I have more fun now than I ever did drinking - but it meant I had to accept that my old way of 'fun' was toxic to me and had to change.
Sounds like you have a lot to stay sober for.
Maybe it's finally time to leave the drinking party-hard girl behind?
D
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you posted.
A few things - the side effects from Antabuse come if you drink while taking it. If you take it correctly (usually a daily dose) and do not drink, my experience has been I was just fine. Def good you are seeing a dr and something for you to discuss with him/her.
IMO and IME - and as SO many people I know, and have heard talk at meetings in the last 20+ mo I have been sober- is that the choices are absolutely NOT a destructive addicted life or a boring life sober. For me, my life now is full, joyful, social (on my terms) and I wouldn't trade it for one minute let alone night of drinking.
You've managed to get a few months sober at on time. What were you doing then? Are you willing to admit you can never use again, and select a program of action, a plan, to get and stay sober, then live in recovery (which is so much more than just being sober)? My way is AA and it has been life-saving; others here can share success with other methods.
Best to you- like someone else said, you have children and I am sure more to live for, in addition to just for yourself.
PS- I'd focus on myself for quite awhile- it was plenty to handle for me.
A few things - the side effects from Antabuse come if you drink while taking it. If you take it correctly (usually a daily dose) and do not drink, my experience has been I was just fine. Def good you are seeing a dr and something for you to discuss with him/her.
IMO and IME - and as SO many people I know, and have heard talk at meetings in the last 20+ mo I have been sober- is that the choices are absolutely NOT a destructive addicted life or a boring life sober. For me, my life now is full, joyful, social (on my terms) and I wouldn't trade it for one minute let alone night of drinking.
You've managed to get a few months sober at on time. What were you doing then? Are you willing to admit you can never use again, and select a program of action, a plan, to get and stay sober, then live in recovery (which is so much more than just being sober)? My way is AA and it has been life-saving; others here can share success with other methods.
Best to you- like someone else said, you have children and I am sure more to live for, in addition to just for yourself.
PS- I'd focus on myself for quite awhile- it was plenty to handle for me.
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Prior times Ive gotten sober I was either doing AA or "white knuckling" it. I'm looking into Smart Recovery. I liked AA sometimes but it got too intense, though I do like the plethora of meetings available. It may be something I try again. It's worth a shot to keep trying.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Thing is I really don't want to have to give up being around ppl. This is a problem. Either sober isolation or a social alcoholic toxic life? There has to be another way?
I meant what I said when I said I have more fun now - my social life is better, I have more friends, I'm as busy as I want to be - but none of it revolves around alcohol, drugs or getting wasted.
There are people out there who choose not to drink at all, those who don't drink to excess , and those who never would think of touching drugs and who don;t wake up in their own sick like we have, y'know?
They're fun exciting and interesting people - believe me
It won;t all fall into your lap, and it might take a little time, but you sound like you know what hard work is = have faith
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I agree with Dee--it isn't either / or
Lots of people do things that don't involve alcohol.
If you want to go out, start with coffee and not the bar.
Take a walk in the park, a hike in Nature, or do something involving exercise.
Some people enjoy hobby-based activities.
Who were you, and what did you like to do to relax before drinking?
Recovery is so different than just getting sober.
It's finding yourself again--you are worth it--
Lots of people do things that don't involve alcohol.
If you want to go out, start with coffee and not the bar.
Take a walk in the park, a hike in Nature, or do something involving exercise.
Some people enjoy hobby-based activities.
Who were you, and what did you like to do to relax before drinking?
Recovery is so different than just getting sober.
It's finding yourself again--you are worth it--
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Good morning LikeGold,
Your story sounds a lot like mine, months of sobriety at a time and then a date comes along, or a party, or something that looks exciting to try. Then the anxiety of being in that social situation creeps in, and the booze seems to make one feel confident, more attractive, and fun to be with....
Only, the booze really makes one more obnoxious, less attractive, and a pain in the butt to be with....I can relate to this, as it is my story and today I am sober for 3 days again.
I personally have decided not to date for at least 1 year, and try new simple activities that would never include booze....such as working out, taking some night classes, and joining a women's support group.
I used to love being "The Party Girl", now I know the party is over......and I'm looking forward to finding that inner joy that comes with sobriety. Dating, and forcing myself into situations that include drinking can wait.
Blessings to you on your journey...
Your story sounds a lot like mine, months of sobriety at a time and then a date comes along, or a party, or something that looks exciting to try. Then the anxiety of being in that social situation creeps in, and the booze seems to make one feel confident, more attractive, and fun to be with....
Only, the booze really makes one more obnoxious, less attractive, and a pain in the butt to be with....I can relate to this, as it is my story and today I am sober for 3 days again.
I personally have decided not to date for at least 1 year, and try new simple activities that would never include booze....such as working out, taking some night classes, and joining a women's support group.
I used to love being "The Party Girl", now I know the party is over......and I'm looking forward to finding that inner joy that comes with sobriety. Dating, and forcing myself into situations that include drinking can wait.
Blessings to you on your journey...
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
The last couple posts brought tears to my eyes. The party is over lol. But if what I hear is correct a new state of celebration can begin. Recovery takes work and I do get lazy and complacent as hell, but I do want this. At the end of the day I do accept and understand that I simply cannot drink anymore and I need to make an action plan. Dating, honestly, shouldn't be a priority for me right now, so I won't actively pursue it but I will try and find a way to create an action plan around it. Off to do some serious homework then!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 370
Livelikegold6.
I am sorry you are having such a rough time. I have so many day ones I have lost track.
I have 14 days today and I am feeling so much clearer.
Just keep on trying ! Lots of very helpful people on here.
asixstringnut
I am sorry you are having such a rough time. I have so many day ones I have lost track.
I have 14 days today and I am feeling so much clearer.
Just keep on trying ! Lots of very helpful people on here.
asixstringnut
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