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When you find yourself in a hole....

Old 11-12-2017, 10:19 PM
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When you find yourself in a hole....

I was more than determined to drink yesterday. It was day 5 for me and, while I was very proud of myself for having been able to stay sober that long, doubts had started to creep in. Also, a potential temptation was going to happen; we had been invited for lunch at the house of one of my husband's business partners and that always goes with a bit of drinking.

I had already subconsciously 'decided' that should there be wine, I would drink. If not, then I wouldn't. Stupid, huh? But then....

While on our way there, my husband asked me to not drink at this lunch. He has never asked me to not drink anywhere and I was pissed off!!! OK, he said that the last time we all got together, I drank too much and he didn't like it. Understandably, this is a business partner so... I shouldn't have taken so much offense but I did. In anger, I determined to definitely drink when we got home from the lunch.

I thought the lunch affair would be so boring without drinking but it turned out fine. We were with our son who kept me busy the whole time. Even if I had wanted to drink, I don't think I could've been able to (Toddlers!!).

So, on our way home, I was still hell bent on drinking. I was still angry and also stressed over certain other issues in my relationship with H. Then out of nowhere, I remembered someone's signature here on SR that says if you find yourself in a hole to stop digging. And I thought to myself, 'Well, L, how apt. You are in a hole (a deep one at that; psychologically, mainly) and you are so determined to keep digging as furiously as you can, huh? I should think it's best to simply put the shovel down and take a deep breath. Survey your surroundings and take it from there.' And that's what I did. I gave in to reason at that point and changed my mind about the drinking.

We got home and I put my son in bed. If there was any lingering risk of me drinking last night (and I suspect there was; my house always has alcohol), it was erased since I fell right asleep with my son and didn't wake up till this morning.

I was really amazed, quite honestly. How does an alcoholic set out determinedly to drink and all forces of nature stop them? I think it was God helping me out. So I didn't drink yesterday and today is day 6. And I'm happy about that. Am I still in the hole? Yes. But at least I'm not hangover in there.

L.
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Old 11-12-2017, 11:15 PM
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I'm glad you thought it through Lava.
People would ask of me not to drink all the time by the end, and I would get annoyed - but with hindsight I regret I let things get to the point where other people had to make those decisions for me,. a fully grown adult.

I much prefer being a fully realised adult again, making good healthy decisions for myself

D
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Old 11-12-2017, 11:29 PM
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Hi Lava , God job with not drinking .
I relate to being told not to drink then feeling angry .
I like it to be ME who decides I wont drink ,that way it is my decision ,my control .
In some probably unrealistic way I see being told not to drink as an insult but looking deeper I feel guilt and shame being exposed from past behaviour and it,s not a nice feeling . Feeling like this tended to put me into a sulky mood for hours . I,m now glad that no one needs to tell me not to drink .
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Old 11-12-2017, 11:32 PM
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What a mature decision you made to put down the shovel, Lava. Well done!
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Old 11-13-2017, 04:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Thomas59 View Post
Hi Lava , God job with not drinking .
I relate to being told not to drink then feeling angry .
I like it to be ME who decides I wont drink ,that way it is my decision ,my control .
In some probably unrealistic way I see being told not to drink as an insult but looking deeper I feel guilt and shame being exposed from past behaviour and it,s not a nice feeling . Feeling like this tended to put me into a sulky mood for hours . I,m now glad that no one needs to tell me not to drink .
Yes, guilt and shame and more guilt and more shame. Which are feelings that could send someone to drink even if they were not planning to in the first place.
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