mielz

I was at 49 days sober and I drank today. I wanted to believe so bad in these days of soberity life was getting better but what I felt this morning was i was just maintaining. My fear and saddness took over and I went on the hunt for the booze my husband hides. No luck... we had too go out and I went to my parents too pick up something no one was home I took a sip of five diffferenf bottles so one one would know I was there and that booze was missing.
I look at my life and I know it can and could be more but I feel stuck I feel unworthy and like a weirdo outcasted by my last scene with drinking just over a month n a half ago.
I want today’s slip to out turn into full blown relapse as it did for me in January when I had stayed sober for 5 years then bang it hit me and stayed with me until these last 49 days and then today I slipped. Too confess this right now too the people in my life they can’t handle it and out relationships r holding on by thread part of what feeds my saddness.

doggonecarl

You don't have to end up crashing completely. Put a halt on the drinking. You are worthy of sobriety.

columbus

"I want today’s slip to out turn into full blown relapse"

Psychological or simple typo?

FreeOwl

you can choose right now to make that slip be a lesson, to use it and turn within and look for the things you MUST do in order to shore up your sobriety.

you can choose to embrace sobriety and see your life improve (though it takes time and it takes challenge and work - it's not all sunshine and roses).

you can turn it around.

Or - you can choose to ride this slip down the slippery slope back to a god-awful relapse until things get so painful and horrible and shameful and terrible that you find your way back to try again.... hopefully.

I suggest you go with the first approach.

You can do it.

mielz

Sorry typo I don’t want today’s slip to turn into tomorrow’s relapse

mielz

typo don’t want it too turn too a full blown relapse

Dee74

Hi Mielz

49 days is great but I think it's going to take a little longer for you to appreciate all the benefits of sobriety and to get ideas on how you might get unstuck.

I had to run on faith for a little while - people told me things would get better so long as I stayed sober and worked on my recovery - it took longer than I wanted but they were right

Coincidentally the topic of this weeks weekend thread is getting stuck .... you might want to read and join in the conversation there ?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...unstuck-4.html (Weekenders Thread November 9-12: Get Unstuck)

I'm sorry you're low, but if drinking bought you to the point of everpresent sadness, drinking again is not going to make it better.

Are there things in your life you feel you can;t change?

Have you considered you might be depressed? Maybe seeing a Dr is a good idea?

I think you should you this site more too - you kinda dropped away here for a while.

You've been sober before - recovery needs constant maintenance - at least in the early days,. don't you think?

what have you been doing to stay sober? What can you add this time?

D

mielz

I agree too all u suggest and say, I havey first appointment with a psychiatrist on nov 20th and my hibnad and I start marriage councealing in dec so I have hope but I felt lost and stuck today.

Bob4x4

Sounds like my story I hear you. after a few years it's easy to let the guard down, esp when feeling blue. On the bright side you have a solid 5 years and 49 days sober, add another 49... and repeat? is that possible? get back on the horse?

I try to eat when i have cravings but now again in the early days i let the AV talk way too much. food shuts the AV up quick.

neferkamichael

Mielz, if you were drinking a 6 pack of beer at 5 bucks a 6 pack, you saved $250.00. In 490 days you will have saved $2500.00. You made me think. I'm 7 years sober now and I figure I have probably saved a minimum of 15 thousand bucks. You had 49 days sober so you know you can do it, rootin for ya.

Anna

49 days is a great accomplishment, but it will probably take a bit longer to really start feeling good physically and emotionally. You can choose to prevent a major relapse right now.

Berrybean

M.

Well done for coming here and fessing up. Secrets have a lot of power over us, and our AVs love it when they can be all conspiritorial with us like best-buddies. Truth is our AV's are not buddies at all. They're stinking, lying cheats.

Have you considered getting along to some AA meetings for some support and accountability as well? Maybe a womens group if the idea leaves you recoiling with anxiety?

BB

Doubledee

As people have said already, 49 days is a great accomplishment,

Just try and learn from this experience and what triggered you and move on. A slip up doesn't have to mean a relapse.