Oregongirlsite

I realized yesterday that I expect that I should think like a normal person. But an alcoholic brain just doesn’t. (duh). I’m not a youngster. (70) Once upon a time in my early forties I stopped drinking for about 25 years. I was just a non drinker but heaven’s, NOT an alcoholic. Otherwise why would I have stopped for all those years? Nuther lie...we went to Mexico on vacation about 7 years ago. I let myself drink those foofie drinks they serve around the pool..the ones with little umbrellas...came home and didn’t touch a drop for another year. So of course, I’m not an alcoholic. Huh. But after the last trip a few years back when we came home, I thought “I enjoy these foofie drinks. I can enjoy THEM.” In a social situation. Huh. I guess I had to witness the progression of my problem. So within a few years 2 to be exact I was worse than all those many years ago. So I kidded myself through my life. I bought a lie and lived in it. But now I have reality, truth, good health for my age, 6 years free of BC, many grandchildren, one great, and a problem. I’m an alcoholic. So there. And I will work at this problem till you haul me out on a gurney. Didn’t mean to make a short story long but when you’re as old as I am it happens. Love to all.
Oh and PS...my family would have had a problem if I said I had THE problem. Oh, Grammy, you were never an...huh. But I can work through that here too.

FreeOwl

Thank you for sharing.

Almost 4 years sober, I need to remember that I'm always just one alcoholic line of 'rationale' away from crashing right back down into the deep dark pit of despair.

Thankfully, I have built for myself a life of grateful sobriety and it just keeps getting better. I never want to lose sight of that, and it's stories like yours that help remind me it's never too late to throw it all away if I let that old addicted brain drive the bus.

JamesfrmEngland

I don't see why an 'alcoholic' wouldn't think like a 'regular' person.

Oregongirlsite

Hi James. I don’t know either. But people who have fought the battle hard and well say it is so. I’m new to the reality of my recovery. So I accept their wisdom.

Hats

For me, my thinking is flawed. Alcohol is but a symptom of my thinking. Call it what you want but as a youngster I wasn't taught how to express my feeling, emotions and how to deal with the problems of life in a positive way. I learned from my father, whom drank alcoholically. Now, I'm not saying that's why I'm a alcoholic but it does raise the issue of how I learned to deal with life. For me, it's more than just a alcohol problem, it's a living problem. I need to change my thinking and everything that goes with it.
Bottom line is that my brain will make up a thousand reason why I should drink, it lies to me, tries to trick me and I always need to be on guard for that AV in my head. Just my thoughts..

FreeOwl

Doesn't really matter "why".

Doesn't even really matter what "regular" might or might not be.

Point is; those of us suffering from alcohol addiction definitively, consistently, and without a doubt have developed specific patterns of thinking that tend to lead us right back into the depths of addiction if allowed to take the wheel.

Oregongirlsite

[QUOTE=Hats;6669210]For me, my thinking is flawed. Alcohol is but a symptom of my thinking. Call it what you want but as a youngster I wasn't taught how to express my feeling, emotions and how to deal with the problems of life in a positive way. I learned from my father, whom drank alcoholically. Now, I'm not saying that's why I'm a alcoholic but it does raise the issue of how I learned to deal with life. For me, it's more than just a alcohol problem, it's a living problem. I need to change my thinking and everything that goes with it.
Bottom line is that my brain will make up a thousand reason why I should drink, it lies to me, tries to trick me and I always need to be on guard for that AV in my head. Just my thoughts

Yes. It is a living problem. If we learn to think in healthy ways, truthfully and not hiding, good things will follow. My thoughts. 😉

Oregongirlsite

These are the things that in the newness of my recovery I want to learn. First thing I had to get honest about was my alcoholism.

JScatt

Your story sounds very much like a story in AA's Big Book titled "Late Start".
I'm on my longest dry spell yet, almost six months, I think I am learning how to outsmart my AV