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Partner is herion addict

Old 11-09-2017, 05:28 AM
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Partner is herion addict

Hi. I'm at my wits end. I didn't know my partner took herion until he stole from me. He convinced me he was sorry and hates taking drugs. The second time he stole he actually paid me back. He has been so happy with me but unfortunately that comes with lies and clearing off. He came here Friday after 1 month in jail and we spent the evening together. he cried, hugged kissed on sofa etc. It was lovely. When he was leaving he said he'd see me and my daughter the next day and we could stay over at his and go to bonfire night. I havnt seen or heard from him since fri and it's now Thurs. I don't know why he's blanking me. Is it the drugs or did he just use .e and doesn't care. It's the not knowing that kills me
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Old 11-09-2017, 05:53 AM
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I'm sorry for your situation.

It may be the heroin, or it may be he doesn't care, or some of both. The main thing is, what are you going to do? How are you going to care for yourself and your daughter? You might check out our Forum for Friends & Families of Substance Abusers, if you like.
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Old 11-09-2017, 06:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I'm sorry for your situation.

It may be the heroin, or it may be he doesn't care, or some of both. The main thing is, what are you going to do? How are you going to care for yourself and your daughter? You might check out our Forum for Friends & Families of Substance Abusers, if you like.
I appreciate your reply x thanks
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Old 11-09-2017, 06:06 AM
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Sorry for what brings you to SR. Until your partner decides to get clean, this is the way it's going to be...jail, stealing, disappearing, lies, and the ever present risk of overdose. You can't control his addiction, or his recovery.

What you can control is what you do, what you will accept and how you will deal with his addiction. Leaving may be the only solution.
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Old 11-09-2017, 06:22 AM
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Hi, Davnait.
Welcome to SR.
Very sorry for your situation, but glad you found us.
Doggonecarl sums it up, I think.
Life with an addict is a hard, hard road.
Best to put yourself and your child first.
Good luck.
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Old 11-09-2017, 06:38 AM
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Hello:

Please put your daughter first. This isn't only about you and what you want...

You know this person is an addict that has already stoked from you. Do not let him around anymore.

There's nothing you can do for him, but you can do this for you and your daughter.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
Hello:

Please put your daughter first. This isn't only about you and what you want...

You know this person is an addict that has already stoked from you. Do not let him around anymore.

There's nothing you can do for him, but you can do this for you and your daughter.
I feel very used. The fact I was intimate with him in Nov and him declaring his love. Then saying he wanted a nice Xmas together etc and I'm the live of his life. When he gets clean in prison will he look back at the lovely relationship we once had? Do they feel remorse when they get clean? J just want to know will he think about me at all. We used to watch movies together, walk the dog's, couldn't keep our hands off eachother, laugh alot, etc. Will he go back to the memory when clean or am I just a distant memory. He did love me. I hate the fact he's intimate with another woman. It kills me. I gave him my body, love, support, home etc.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:52 AM
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Well, hugs to you, but you know that you probably feel used because you WERE used. This guy has shown you what he's like a number of times. It's up to you whether you prefer to believe what he's shown you, or continue to like on hopes and lies that he spins.

You have a daughter. Is this the kind of person you want in HER life? Someone who uses others, lies and steals? You both deserve better, but you're the one with all the choices. She doesn't get a say. Please, wake up to the reality of the situation, and choose NOT to have a heroin addict boyfriend around your child. You can show her how to have some dignity and self-respect, and not allow yourself to be mistreated emotionally. She is watching you and learning from you. Is this the kind of relationship you want for HER in the future. If not its time to draw a line and refocus on her.

If you have a tendency towards finding yourself with this kind of man it might be time to try some recovery work of your own. CoDa, AlAnon or (If this could stem from coming from a dysfunctional family background yourself) ACoA are all free and available to anyone who wants them.

I hope you will choose better for you and, most importantly, for your daughter.

BB
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Old 02-16-2018, 08:03 AM
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Whether he used you or not is not the issue... he is showing you the person he is... and you have to decide if you want to be around that person.... not who he might be... sober or not.

My wife was not the person I wanted to be with when she was using... but the memory of who she was before was what drove me to stay... I eventually had it with the poor behavior she was displaying and it was not making me a better person, nor my kids. She did go to rehab, and who she will be when she comes out is still to be answered. I am hoping she will be the kind and loving person I once knew.. but she also may just be a stranger... I will decide how we move forward each and every day.

If your partner is still using drugs, they will be his priority, not you. Take care of yourself and your daughter... if he wants to be part of that, then he will need to be the one to change.
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:39 AM
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Addicts/alcoholics lie and use people. It's what we do if still in active addiction or did when we were.

No matter how wonderful, giving, kind, sexy, beautiful and loving you are, the first love will always be the drug of choice....and the behavior that ensues in active addiction.

I know someone who got clean in rehab from heroin for three months. He checked out on a Friday and died of an overdose that Sunday. Unless someone is truly sober for a bit of time I wouldn't put any faith in their coming back to you. Abstinence does not equal sobriety, particularly if forced.
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Old 02-17-2018, 08:07 AM
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Herion addict broke my heart

Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Well, hugs to you, but you know that you probably feel used because you WERE used. This guy has shown you what he's like a number of times. It's up to you whether you prefer to believe what he's shown you, or continue to like on hopes and lies that he spins.

You have a daughter. Is this the kind of person you want in HER life? Someone who uses others, lies and steals? You both deserve better, but you're the one with all the choices. She doesn't get a say. Please, wake up to the reality of the situation, and choose NOT to have a heroin addict boyfriend around your child. You can show her how to have some dignity and self-respect, and not allow yourself to be mistreated emotionally. She is watching you and learning from you. Is this the kind of relationship you want for HER in the future. If not its time to draw a line and refocus on her.

If you have a tendency towards finding yourself with this kind of man it might be time to try some recovery work of your own. CoDa, AlAnon or (If this could stem from coming from a dysfunctional family background yourself) ACoA are all free and available to anyone who wants them.

I hope you will choose better for you and, most importantly, for your daughter.

BB
thanks for the message. He came here in Nov declaring his love for me and made plans for Xmas. That's the last time I seen him. I spoke to him over xmas and he said he was head shot and struggling. Then he blocked my number and told his mate he's happy and and loved up with a proper woman. Omg im heartbroken. I was so good to him. Why did he come here in Nov declaring his love if he didn't mean it? I met him when hecwas clean does that mean when he gets clean again hel feel remorse for hurting me? The thoughts of him with another woman kills me. Do addicts fall in love easily? How long does that feeling last til their on to the next woman? I supported him and didn't put him down for using. I don't get why he felt the need to leave me for another woman. I asked him over xmas were we still together so I could move on and he said he was in a bad place. Why didn't he give me a straight answer and just break up with me. Also I thought he was lying dead somewhere and I contacted everyone and now he's calling me a stalker and a loon. I'm absolutely heartbroken

Last edited by Davnait35; 02-17-2018 at 08:09 AM. Reason: More to add on
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Old 02-17-2018, 09:52 AM
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Regardless of why he did these things (and the only answer is, sadly, he is in active addiction and incapable of being a healthy/attentive relationship partner), you deserve far better than someone who treats you this way.
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Old 02-17-2018, 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty View Post
Regardless of why he did these things (and the only answer is, sadly, he is in active addiction and incapable of being a healthy/attentive relationship partner), you deserve far better than someone who treats you this way.
Thanks. So why is he saying he's loved up with a new woman and he says she's a proper woman ?
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Old 02-17-2018, 10:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Davnait35 View Post
Thanks. So why is he saying he's loved up with a new woman and he says she's a proper woman ?
When trying to work out the motives and reasoning of addicts it really is looking for logic where there is none to find. Freedom comes with acceptance. Here the acceptance might just need to be that he is bad news, and opening yourself and your home up to him really wasn't the best thing for you or your daughter. You don't really need any more information than that about him.

Okay. So, he cannot give up heroin despite it being really bad for him and affecting his life badly. He is addicted to it.

Some people get addicted to relationships, and cannot give them up easily despite them being really bad for them.

It might be worth thinking which of these is YOUR problem to work on.
CoDa or AlAnon are both places that would be able to support YOU in YOUR recovery.

BB
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Old 02-17-2018, 11:11 AM
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Its not you its him.

Being an addict does not mean you cannot also be a jerk, which sounds like he is in droves.

Don't walk, run.

Don't look back.

He wont.

Be good to your self and your daughter and someone worthy will come along.

He is not worthy...
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Old 02-17-2018, 12:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Davnait35 View Post
Thanks. So why is he saying he's loved up with a new woman and he says she's a proper woman ?
Maybe because if he can convince others his life isn’t in a horrible spiraling decline, he can believe it himself?
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