ChloeRose63

There is a way. You just need to make the right connections and ask for help. Start with some free advce and counceling and explain your situation. Social services are there for you. Make some calls and keep trying. Your life is worth it. The rehabs in AZ are probable "expensive" because they want to appear like resorts. Check into ones that are not so fancy. A good place to ask is at a hospital. I went into an ER for detox and they sent me a Social Service woman who took care of all my questions and gave me information on help when I was released. Don't be afraid. It will be the best thing you will do in the long run.

wildflower70

Hi Chloe,

I'm afraid of admitting defeat, I have lied to myself and others and feel worthless. This isn't who I am, I am a kind and loving person...and I find myself apologizing to everyone....for nothing. I can't get out of the hole, and everything now feels like survival.

ChloeRose63

It is just part of the stages of recovery. It is normal for it to be darkest just before the light. The good thing about it is that everthing changes and you have the power to change it for the better. When you are ready you will climb out of your "dark hole" and make your way into recovery again. Just stop digging! Look up and start reaching out. Survival is good...start using your resources. Wanting to survive makes you use all of your strength and skills to fight for your life. Find your power to survive and be strong because giving up is not an option.

ChloeRose63

Defeat just means that plan didn't work. You learned not to try that solution to that problem. It is called learning. So, try something else. It may work or it may not. But at least you tried. Apologize to no one! It is a big waste of time and energy. Let it go and move on with more important things like getting your act together. Be smart! Stop sabotaging your recovery with negative thinking. Don't become your own worst enemy.

Dee74

we can make the solution seem complicated but it's really not.
It's very simple.

We stop drinking.

I'm not saying it's easy - but it is simple.

I'm not saying its easy to admit our lies and to take steps into the unknown like looking at Drs, rehabs, or things like AA.

But these steps are very possible for us to take - a lot of us have taken them and we not only survived but thrived

None of us has to do this alone either.
SR is right behind and beside you every step of the way

Your addicted self wants you to believe that recovery is incredibly and hopelessly complex and complicated - but it's not.

Action kills addiction stone dead.

Take some action today wildflower - what have you got to lose, really besides a life sucking parasite?

D

wildflower70

Thank you Dee, I want to get back to the place of health and recovery. I feel that I have gone so deep, there is no way out. I have tangled myself into a lie, about what's really going on and now I'm stuck in this lie.

I have taken time off of work and can afford to do any treatment that I choose, it's the fear of being found out, the lie, the fact that I'm simply a drunk....God, I must be more than this. Why does the booze make us feel so damn good and so damn bad at the same time????

Pondlady

I just plugged in my zip code to the data base and tons of various options popped up.

Salvation Army has very good programs and is free.

Wildflower, click on the links Dee provided, take the first step.

FreeOwl

if the symptoms are physical withdrawals that are threatening your safety - get to a detox.

if the symptoms aren't to that point but are severely challenging emotionally and psychologically - get in touch with some AA sponsorship and see if you can get someone to help support you in riding it out.

if you can afford it or make it work - get to rehab.

do whatever the hell it takes - because it only gets worse from here....

fgo

Wildflower,
I just went through this on Monday. I was trying to taper, it didnt work. The fear is what kept me from reaching out to my Dr or urgent care.. Finally monday I couldnt take it anymore, I felt like I was going to pass out for 3 days. I created the fear, when i got to the Dr, they were so caring & understanding. I got a few meds & within an hour I felt almost normal. Bottom line, I was freaking myself out for no reason which made it worse.
the cost was a couple hundred dollars. Do it now. It only gets worse. P.s., I drank a beer before I went to the Dr & still almost passed out in the dr's office. It was my fear. I guess there is no better place to pass out. I hope you do it today.

icandothis20

Wildflower, you can do this. It is always our thinking that creates the fear, and then when we actually do the things we feared, we find out aren't bad at all! Its such a relief to finally admit defeat IMO. It is your pride that wont, because you have spun lies about your addiction, and your addiction wants you to keep on drinking. But I can guarantee, the people around you know about your drinking...

I too thought I could never get better, or live a life without booze. Life without booze, is much, much better. You just cant see that from where you are.... YET. Have faith, trust the process, you are much stronger than you know give yourself credit for.
Its a humbling thing to ask for help, we all need to do it. We all need help sometimes, take it.

Horn95

You are more than “this.” And there is a way out. It is not easy, but there is a way out. Get to detox, and then go from there.

wildflower70

I appreciate your words of wisdom. However, why do you believe that these people know about my drinking? According to everyone, I'm out of state for a family crisis....it isn't helping my depression to think about what people may or may not "know"....I thank you again, but I have gone to grave lengths to protect my privacy and problem.

When I'm ready to come out of the closet, my doctor and family will know....why do alcoholics feel that we need to announce to the entire world our problems??

Stayingsassy

Hey wildflower. Yeah its crazy expensive, that's why I'm getting sober with free alternatives like SR and AA.

You can do this without rehab, it just takes a strong will in the beginning and the doctor's help if you have bad symptoms. What are your withdrawal symptoms like? If they scare you, just go to the doctor or urgent care. Give yourself a weekend with few or no responsibilities so you can huddle up in pajamas, take baths, eat soothing foods, and just do nothing but not drink.

wildflower70

Hi sassy,

I'm still weaning off....I know I can do this! I'm reaching out, hoping that I can come as I am...broken. I felt is was best to wean off of the wine, so that I don't suffer major withdrawals. I have unfortunately been here before, and this is what I did....3 days later, I was done.

wildflower70

And I will add....the problem is I have been here before, more times than I can count. I'm not into AA, as they seem to just talk about there drunken states, problems and how they got to this place. I never hear any solutions, just problems...and more problems...When do we start talking about healing?

icandothis20

Sorry wildflower- I never meant to hit a nerve there or cause you to worry, but if you have gone to great lengths then they probably don't know. In my case, I thought no one knew, but theyd all seen me wasted so many times and with my weird behavior, it was no secret, I was just in denial.

You don't have to tell the world your an alcoholic, no one needs to know, its your business. You can simply say you have chosen to quit drinking as whenever you did drink you felt funny? Or say nothing at all about it That's what ive said to people who its none of their business. And, if they don't know of your problem, they will think nothing of it! I am not a big fan of AA either, to each their own. Have you ever looked into Rational Recovery?

Stayingsassy

I'm not "into" AA either but I go. And I'm getting a sponsor, and planning to work the steps. Haha, does that make sense? In short I don't like a lot of things about AA but I think it can be a solid recovery program. That's what I need, so I'm going to do it but I won't allow it to become another addiction, or a religion in my life.

About meetings: funny the ones I've been to lately don't talk "enough" about drinking! They are all so, so different. Ive been to many different ones. I try to look at it like a relaxing meditative time to hang out with other people who have my same struggle. That said, I don't often have the time to go to meetings, so I am building a solid sober life on my own as well. Sobriety front and center: always.

wildflower70

I am also sorry if I came across as harsh, I know you are only trying to help. Bless us all on this difficult journey, and thank goodness for SR, as we are never alone....XO