My birthday
 

I feel like such an idiot. I haven’t drank too much in months. I’ve been able to control how much I drink. And then this week happened. We had a friend die and my birthday and I ended up drinking myself silly until I passed out. I have kids. And aHusband. And a family. They NEED me and I did this? I feel like horseshit. How can I be so selfish??

You thought you were different. That you didn't have to quit. That you could control your drinking.

You can't control it. Now you know.

Take drinking off the table completely. Commit to never drinking again. Get a plan and the help and the support you need to support that decision.

I think at 1 time or another most of us here thought we could control our drinking, we could just have a couple. And I am sure it worked for a while and then BAM back to the amount we used to drink, doing the same stupid things we thought we would never do. The only way to never do those things again is to stop drinking and accept the fact 1 cannot drink. The drink controls us, as alcoholics.
When we become sober, it just gets easier to say no, not drink, and have control of our lives. It takes work, daily but it does get better to control the urges.

Best of luck, you got this. YOU ARE WORTH IT and so is your family :)