taplow

Still sober, still coasting along. I don't fully understand why I've no temptations. Something's wrong with me maybe. I know I've changed - fundamentally.
For the last year or two, it would be a red line or a green line on the calendar, depending if I drank or not. I stopped doing that straight after my last drink on October 7th as I was so sure that I wouldn't drink again. I don't know what to say on here about struggles and efforts as I'm not experiencing them this time.
All I know is that I had a sustained period of really heavy drinking - I was away in Spain for a week at the end - hardly sleeping just drinking. I felt I couldn't drink anymore than I had. And it didn't seem to doing much to me either.
After all that, and knowing that I had to stop, I plainly saw that drinking was just providing a delusion. What it did wasn't real. All it does is change my mood, but what do I care what my mood is? What I mean by that is that it'll just give me an illusion of feeling good. And if I know it's an illusion then it loses its power over me. Whether my mood is good or my mood is bad, I'm still there in the middle of it all, just the same.
What I'm saying might sound a bit introspective but it wasn't like that. I just saw it and it all just clicked into place.
I don't know, maybe I'm really mental and I'll be back buying alcohol tomorrow morning. But it does feel different this time.
Just wanted to share; it might mean something to someone.
Best wishes all.

DreamCatcher17

I have not had any issues, I am day 43.

I have put in place a plan in the event the AV decides to chat it up in my head.

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well, Taplow.

saoutchik

Congratulations on a full month Taplow! That's really good that it has not been a struggle. Displacement thoughts and activities are a really good idea imo because quite frankly no one can struggle 24/7 but if the cravings can be reduced to a minimum then they can be defeated.

AAPJ

Good for you. For me it's still one day at a time. No coasting.

Stronger2017

A month is great. Well done😀

Dee74

Once I really committed to quitting that was it - I was done.

Took me 15 years to get there tho. Glad you're doing well Taplow

D

August252015

Glad you're doing well.

What are you doing that makes thing go so smoothly now?

rascalwhiteoak

Congrats on a month, taplow. Your experience is kind of like mine.

Basically, I drank until I didn't. I think some people are just very linear that way. I do realize how fortunate I am to have experienced sobriety this way, and I actively plan and protect my sobriety like my life depends on it (it does). Also, I definitely felt cravings earlier on. But for me, the bottom was more like a perspective shift. Something clicked.

sobersolstice

Yeah. I was feeling the same at around day 30. Kinda tired from your body trying to heal, and less of the roller-coaster effect. I was also sick for a coupe weeks, so that kind of kicked off the sobriety streak.

Day 40 was a Saturday, and we were all watching college football, and the craving hit me like it was day 2 after a stressful day at work. Two days in a row, I asked a good friend if we should party and split beers for football. He said "no, you're doing awesome dude, don't mess up the streak...". I was super surprised, and have asked him 2 more times if he wants to go party downtown, and he's like "you're more fun when you're sober, maybe we'll go out after a few months of you not drinking". My friends are being awesome.

I didn't intend to quit, lol, but I have 49 days dry, and I may as well keep it up. It's the 2nd longest sober streak I've ever had! But, back to the topic at hand; my cravings this time came super late, and it's still feeling like day 3 for some odd reason. The waves are smaller and the swells come in lest often though, so that's good, but I keep kitkats or protein bars with me in the case a rogue wave comes in, which happened on day 40. I was dumb enough to make my AV smarter by relapsing so many times; now he's playing ambush games.

taplow

Thanks for kind comments everyone.

I might fall flat on my face but I can only talk from my present viewpoint. Like Rascalwhiteoak above, something clicked, a change of perspective.
I clearly saw that drink wasn't doing it for me anymore. It just provides an illusion for me, and I could see through it. For example, if I'm unhappy then drink might stop me feeling it. But it's just me tricking myself. If I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy. I can cope with being aware of that reality. I can dare to look at it. The choice is be unhappy or pretend to myself that I'm not. Widen that out to other reasons we drink.
There are all the excellent reasons not to drink - health, sanity, money, relationships etc. But alcohol logic will always find a way past them. But to me now, I see that alcohol's not even providing a credible diversion. For me at this moment, all I'm doing through drinking is turning around and looking the other way. I don't just see it intellectually, but I really believe see it.
I'm going on I know. I'm well due an embarrassing downfall - it's only been a month - though I hope not.
Best wishes everyone.

Outonthetiles

I've been lucky. Once I decided I was done, I was done, but beware of becoming complacent. Everything people say about AV is true...it's insidious and can wait months and years before re-emerging.

hpdw

Good work Taplow glad it's went smoothly for you .

August252015

Taplow- thanks for answering my question and I REALLY like your elaboration on why drinking is only bad for us! It is so true, isn't it? I think often of the part of the BB (being an AA-er), that says (para) most of the problems we (thought we) had when drinking go away when we quit; also, the real other problems, so to speak (like anxiety for me) can emerge AND be dealt with effectively! I'm with you, drinking caused me so much horrible-ness and I remind myself whenever I need to.

To OOTT's point- and I often agree with them!-a friend said to me last week that I am "the most sober person she knows." I don't know about that, but as she elaborated, I do know she's right that "everything [I] do starts with my recovery, it is the center of [my] life." I don't do this nor built my life this way out of fear but out of a desire for strength to face reality (like you mention), handle the good (which is 99% of my life now) and the bad (which inevitably comes)...and to live in happiness.

Wishing you continued success - and staying around when you do need anything!

HTown

re-read that, several times you were going to drink. why? can you jot down the good things you feel at this point sober? please do not throw that away, trust me, you would not be here with us if you could have a few beers.

taplow

I don't want to give the wrong impression. On reading back I think my posts indicate that I think things are good with me now. But that's no way true. I'm depressed but that's nothing to do with drinking or not drinking. I think maybe I get off on being miserable actually. I think it's my natural default state.
It's just that I was saying that I know drinking isn't helping me with all that now, or it ever did. I can just see through it. It's no answer for me. Though I don't know what is.
I wish I hadn't said anything really. Now I could ask something here and people might think, "well if you know so much."
I'll just see where it takes me.
Best wishes all, treadmill tomorrow.

Solarion

taplow, don't worry -- you're not coming off as a know-it-all, at all.

I'm glad you wrote what you did. Maybe that will help me find a similar change of perspective.

Outonthetiles

August and I got sober in the Feb. 2016 class. I'll always be thankful we had such a great and supportive class. There is no way I could have made it this far without such wonderful classmates, and August has emerged as a real SR superstar.

joandmelandhan

I do understand how you're feeling taplow. There's a big difference between being all cocky and "hey this is easy" and what I think you were saying which was "I know I'm done with alcohol now, it does nothing for me and I don't miss it"
It took me literally years to get there but I do actually believe I am. I have accepted that alcohol has no place in my life. That fact makes me happy.
Like you (and I'm sure others) I have my problems. But having the knowledge that there isn't one good reason to pick up a glass of poison is really quite wonderful.

MindfulMan

Excellent.

Now that you're not drinking, you can effectively deal with the depression when you're ready.