Anon75

Hi. I've joined here to see if anyone can offer some advice. I think my partner drinks too much. If I'm right about it what can I do about it? What's the best approach to take? My partner usually drinks Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's always at home and always wine. The usual is 2 bottles of white wine but can be 2.5 or 3 per night. It can sometimes be more than 4 nights. I've noticed he never drinks this much in front of other people, it's only when it's just us or if I'm out. Is this an addiction or just an unhealthy level of drink.
Many thanks in advance for any advice.

Donnyb

I think two glasses may be ok but two bottles is definitely excessive and binge drinking. Have you talked to him about it?

Maudcat

Hi, Anon.
Welcome.
That’s a lot of wine.
Is he a problem drinker?
Well, if his drinking is a problem for you, then I would say, yes,.
Have you voiced your concerns about his consumption?

JJ991

I would say that is definitely excessive. Do they see it as a problem? Two bottles is around 20 units which is pretty much supposed to be the maximum for a week for a man I think (14 units for a woman).

Anon75

I have mentioned it in the past and he cut down but that didn't last long. How big of a problem is it? Health wise it's way over the suggested units of 14, it's more like 92 units or more. Is it an addiction or just a simple case of that's what he likes?

JJ991

I used to drink one bottle a day, so 70 units a week. That was seen as a problem - I walked into the GP one day & admitted it, I was immediately referred to an alcohol service here on the NHS.
I tried for many months (with this support) to cut down, I was pretty successful but it stared to creep back up & I ended up exhausted with the effort of unit counting, alcohol was always on my mind. It did take me a very long time to get to the quitting point though.
It was an addiction for me...

Anon75

Many thanks for your honesty JJ991 and I hope you now have the help you need and people to support you.

JJ991

It is early days for me but I'm doing ok. I don't mind sharing on here at all.

Hope you get things sorted with your partner.

FreeOwl

the real test for 'is it too much' - to me - is asking yourself 'is it too much for ME'?

nobody can really tell you or your partner whether they're drinking too much. objective viewpoints and guidelines can help but the bottom line is "does a person's drinking negatively impact their life and / or the lives of those around them".

The fact you're here, asking these questions, saying what you've said, indicates that at least for you - there is a negative impact.

The tricky part is how to express that in a way that it will be received by your partner. If you share it with honesty, love and openness and it is received with anger, resistance, dishonesty or combativeness - then there is a very good chance your partner is an alcoholic or on the way to alcoholism.

The other bottom line is there's nothing much you can do apart from establish your own boundaries, expectations and guidelines and then honor them even to the point of ending the relationship.

I'm sorry for the situation you're in.

Anon75

Many thanks for the advice everyone, I will broach the subject again and see how it is taken.

Maudcat

How are things, Anon?

hpdw

Hi there and welcome ,
I cant answer whether its and addiction or not but its certainly quite a lot of alcohol . One of my traits looking back was being in my place of safety( my home) when I got drunk and many times on my own ( I felt as long as no one can see me I can drink as much as I want ).

FreeOwl makes an interesting point " then there is a very good chance your partner is an alcoholic or on the way to alcoholism."
I never understood whether I was always an alcoholic or made myself an alcoholic . Put another way , when was the line crossed , was there ever a line or was alcoholism always going to happen . These types of questions have been asked many times and there never seems to be a definitive answer ?

I hope you and your partner can get to the bottom of his drinking issue .