Sober and having hard time with spouse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 23
Sober and having hard time with spouse
I am sober 6 weeks and I am finding it hard to deal with the real world. My husband irritates me and instead of ignoring it because I'm drinking, I have to learn how to deal with everyday problems. It's harder than I realized it would be. Does anyone relate? Please give me some advice. Thank you guys...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I'll just say this; I had to re-evaluate ALL of my relationships once sober. Business,personal,family,ect.. I HAD too,to remain sober. Look..I'm sure you've hurt him with your drinking in one way or twenty..That sucks,but it happened. Us addicts want instant fixes. That's why we drink/use. With people and relationships it's not so cut/dry. You really have to work at it and take their feelings into account(this was hard for me because I'm a selfish drunk).
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by DontRemember 
I'll just say this; I had to re-evaluate ALL of my relationships once sober. Business,personal,family,ect.. I HAD too,to remain sober. Look..I'm sure you've hurt him with your drinking in one way or twenty..That sucks,but it happened. Us addicts want instant fixes. That's why we drink/use. With people and relationships it's not so cut/dry. You really have to work at it and take their feelings into account(this was hard for me because I'm a selfish drunk).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I can relate. I hid from sober feelings for thirty years.
Over six years sober now and like AA says, things that used to baffle me, I can now handle (to paraphrase-and badly) But I hope you get the gist.
It's a whole new world, if you drank like I did.
What I once hid from, I now revel in. The anxiety, impatience and fear have mostly lifted.
I can now get along with people, and deal with circumstances, that used to **** me off or irritate me.
Give it some time. You may irritate your husband as much as he does you. Just speculating.
The only thing that's changed in your relationship is everything.
I hope you can learn acceptance and tolerance. And I hope things level out and you find a new you and a new husband who you except and love as he is. Sober.
Hope this makes sense.
Over six years sober now and like AA says, things that used to baffle me, I can now handle (to paraphrase-and badly) But I hope you get the gist.
It's a whole new world, if you drank like I did.
What I once hid from, I now revel in. The anxiety, impatience and fear have mostly lifted.
I can now get along with people, and deal with circumstances, that used to **** me off or irritate me.
Give it some time. You may irritate your husband as much as he does you. Just speculating.
The only thing that's changed in your relationship is everything.
I hope you can learn acceptance and tolerance. And I hope things level out and you find a new you and a new husband who you except and love as he is. Sober.
Hope this makes sense.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 23
Give it some time. You may irritate your husband as much as he does you. Just speculating.
The only thing that's changed in your relationship is everything.
I hope you can learn acceptance and tolerance. And I hope things level out and you find a new you and a new husband who you except and love as he is. Sober.
Hope this makes sense.[/QUOTE]
Ghostlight, that makes total sense. I was so busy focusing on what I was going through, I didn't even think about how the new me was affecting him. You're right. EVERYTHING has changed. You guys are the wake up call I needed. I am relearning how to relate to the world. I am glad I didn't waste anymore time, because half my life was spent in a haze. No wonder he seemed great. Now I have to see the good in him with clarity. Maybe even cut him some slack...
The only thing that's changed in your relationship is everything.
I hope you can learn acceptance and tolerance. And I hope things level out and you find a new you and a new husband who you except and love as he is. Sober.
Hope this makes sense.[/QUOTE]
Ghostlight, that makes total sense. I was so busy focusing on what I was going through, I didn't even think about how the new me was affecting him. You're right. EVERYTHING has changed. You guys are the wake up call I needed. I am relearning how to relate to the world. I am glad I didn't waste anymore time, because half my life was spent in a haze. No wonder he seemed great. Now I have to see the good in him with clarity. Maybe even cut him some slack...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Welcome to the family! 
I hope you and your hubby can iron out your differences and grow closer. Getting sober is a huge change. I hope our support can help you get along better with him. 
Congrats on six weeks sober!
I hope you and your hubby can iron out your differences and grow closer. Getting sober is a huge change. I hope our support can help you get along better with him. Congrats on six weeks sober!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Boy,
The real world is a scary place. Hiding in a bottle of booze was great until it was horrible.
Getting clean is tough, staying clean is tougher.
But, us drunks are pretty tough.
Wanting to quit is half the battle won.
Thanks.
The real world is a scary place. Hiding in a bottle of booze was great until it was horrible.
Getting clean is tough, staying clean is tougher.
But, us drunks are pretty tough.
Wanting to quit is half the battle won.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by boyml27
I too am selfish,
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf
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