I want to express gratitude with life and seek motivation
 

Hey guys,

Well, in the beginning, I just want to let all of you out there that I am very grateful that I am alive and that so far - despite all the amount of problems that drinking have brought me - nothing irreversible has happened yet. For what I previously mentioned I'm so thankful because not everyone has the benefit of getting sober without a terrible event happening.

However, although lucky so far, this poses a big threat to me. I am an alcoholic, I recognize it. And it's precisely an irreversible event that I want to avoid. I have stopped for a while and then go back to drinking. I have tried AA but came short within the attempts. It is my fault. In a weird way, I feel kind of intimidated or scared of actually working the steps.

I do need oriented help and I was wondering if someone in here may drop any advice in how to proceed.

All the best everyone !

My attempts fell short as well for quite a while. Then one day I really Heard How It Works when it was read out, and I realised that if I wanted change, then I needed to lean into my fears and just do it. At the end of that meeting I approached a lady and asked her to sponsor me - she has been doing so now for 3 years, and working those steps has been a life-changer for me. Honestly - more so than anything I learned while studying at Cambridge ever did.

Was it scary? Yes. Was it worth it? More than anything I've ever done.

I'd suggest you give it another go. It sounds like you are more ready to get willing now than perhaps you were before.

BB

I was just wondering if it's possible to get sponsored if you haven't been there long time or is there like a waiting period?

Some people get a sponsor pretty quick / straight away. There is no waiting period as such. If you decide to do this it's maybe a good idea to ask them to be your temporary sponsor unless you are fairly confident that they have the kind of sobriety you'd like for yourself. I was pretty sure my sponsor did. She had long term (decades) of sobriety, was calm (even though she was working through a period of adversity at that time) and never gossiped or got a wobbly-gob (something I definitely admired and wanted for myself lol). But then, it took me ages to ask her lol.
When you feel you'd like to ask someone to sponsor you, then you just approach the person and ask. If they are to guide you through the steps it means they'll need to have done these themselves, so if they haven't yet completed these they may need to gently decline. If that's the case they're still likely to be able to suggest some good people to ask. You could also ask the secretary at the meeting if they know people who might be able to take on a new sponsee, they've generally got a good idea of where people are at.

The best places (in my area anyway) to find good sponsors tend to be the literature focussed meetings. Big Book meetings, or 12 and 12 meetings. People there tend to be more solution focussed and have good grasps of the program. That wasn't so much the case at some of the general share meetings I'd gravitated towards at the start of my journey, where there seemed to be more of a relishing of train-crash tales and problem-dwelling. Besides, it's good to get to hear more about the program and start learning a little more about it anyway.

To start off with its good to just get to know some people and suss out how healthy their sobriety is. I dragged it out far longer than necessary and was pretty much ready for a complete breakdown by the time I found the willingness to try the steps with a sponsor - humility wasn't my default mode I'm afraid, and asking for help or letting people in was extremely scary for me. Even going to a counsellor was a joke, because I couldn't bear to tell her anything that might make her think badly of me. So I just spun a big web of half-truths. Crazy nonsense. I was in such a pickle. I hope you're not in such a state as it was an absolutely vile period of my life which I hope never to return to.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.

BB