Yoshi1496

Hello all. Right now it is 5:47am. I just left my bf house. After a crazy night. My bf was intoxicated. It was one of those nights that I dealt with him yelling and telling me that our relationship is nothing and isnt"helping" him. Oh and its our anniversary as well.I am 21,and he is 30 (yes I know). I really don't think I want to do this anymore. On wed, his jae dislocated and me,him, and his mother were in the hospital all night. I was there by his side. Today, he yells me that he is fine and he went to work and all that. I have school from 12-8pm. I usually don't see him on Thursdays because of this. But he calls me around 9 and o can hear tthatvhe has been drinking. My phone was on Solent die to me being in school so he called me twice. I saw the missed calls and when he answered I heardbhim and knew it was gonna be a long night. So he's going on about why am I still out (it takes me about an hour to get home on Thursday and I was waiting on food I ordered) and that since I'm dressing IP for our anniversary I told him he doesn't have to be all dressy and that means I want other dudes to see me(idk that part didn't make sense but I didn't want him to overdress since we weren't doing anything real fancy and he took it as that). And he finally got to the point where he wanted me to come over because he claims he flat lined while they were putting his jaw back in place and he needed me because he was crying. I knew that this may have been a possibility but I also knew that he only acts all irrational like this when he drinks too much. So fast forward I go over there after him yelling and hanging up on me and talking over me for about an hour on the phone omw home. And its just even worse. My bf has been drinking for three years and has once tried to imply he gets a get like that because of me. And says I'm not helping him with his drinking. But I always thought that the person HAS to WANT to stop. He says I don't support him but one, he never admitted he had a problem until recently when he was drunk again and cursed me out over the phone at 12 am at night and the next day I told him and he claimed he didn't remember. I can elaborate once you guys respond. Its a lot to initially type. Overall, I do not want to be in this relationship anymore. I thought it would change but he says awful things about my character to me and I'm really the only person who cares about him. I tried to talk to him tonight about it since he was back and forth between crying and laughing and then just blew up because he wanted to have sex and I wanted him to rest and sleep it off. Idk what I was thinking trying to make some sense to a drunk person. I don't think this is what the universe has in store for me. So my question is, how do I go about ending the relationship? This is my first bf ever and I have to admit I don't love him the way I loved him before. Mainly due to these kinds of nights. I'm tired and I'm only 21.he wants to make me reapo aibke for his feelings but what he needs is help. Not a gf he wants to put all this on hoping it will fix
it.

AAPJ

Pull the eject lever ASAP. unless you want your life to suck. This is not a drill, this is your life. It only gets worse. Good Luck!

Yoshi1496

I'm afraid idk how to without him blowing up. I mean at this point I'm immune to it. But I feel like its not fair that he gets to do that and then be the one to day I'm leaving you. Like it makes my blood boil.

Nowsthetime

End it now and never look back!

It will be the best thing you can do for YOU and for him. Leave and never look back. He is going to throw a fit and beg and sa and promise. Do not believe what he says, believe what he does.

This is your life and it only gets worse. He is trying to blame you but in reality you didn't cause it and you can't cure it. This is all up to him. Be excited about the rest of your life without this kind of drama and baggage.

You only owe anything to yourself and your happiness and this relationship has ran I s course. It's never easy to break up but it is going to be worth it.

I'm sorry too are going through this.

Rubaduck

Hi there,

Usually I think breaking up in person is the honorable thing to do. But in this case, I'd say do it over a phone call and then block the number. Make it clear that your decision is final and you want no further contact. Wish him good luck for the future, say goodbye. Done.

He lost his chance at a decent breakup when he repeatedly "blew up". That's not cool at all, and to me sounds genuinely dangerous. Getting drunk and abusing your 10 years younger girlfriend is simply something any decent person would tell you is not a healthy relationship. And it won't be in the future for a long time (even if he promised to change). Giving up alcohol is not an overnight personality fix. It takes years. You don't want to be around for that.

Good luck.

Maudcat

Hi, Yoshi.
Welcome to SR.
You are in abusive relationship, and you don’t have to be.
Is there a safe place you can go to for a while?
Back home? A friend’s?
Get away from the alcohol fueled drama for a bit.
I think you will get some clarity regarding the relationship.
Things are not safe where you are, and you really need to get away from the situation.
Call your local domestic violence group for help as well.

SaturatedSeize

Safety needs to be your top priority and expect a harsh aftermath. Coming from an alcoholic that used to treat his girlfriend in similar ways, it will likely push him to continue to drink, and possibly more. We are irrational people when drunk, he sounds no different. I wouldn't ever try to converse with him when he's been drinking, it won't be effective communication at all. Do you live with anybody that can help keep an eye on you and him? Once the break up happens, and you cut off all contact with him, he could become even more unpredictable. I'd tell family and friends what you've done. When you let him down, tell him WHY. Don't listen to any promises he makes, we alcoholics are also good at making promises and not following up with them. His ACTIONS can demonstrate what matters more to him.

Good luck, it sounds like an awful situation, and you have to get out of it.

Susiesmiles

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am a alcoholic and so was my ex husband. He was the kind that you describe your bf as. I can tell you 10 years after the fact that I wish I would have left sooner. It is not your fault, alcoholics will say or do anything, get out of control, we lie, we hide things and we will be guilty and be sorry but we will do it again. Until he actively gets help, truly quits... this isn't going to change. It's going to get worse. Be safe and stay away from him. Don't answer his calls, keep your doors locked. Tell him you want him to get sober on his own. Tell him you won't talk to him unless he is sober. Either way, you need out now.

tomsteve

welp, iffen ya wait until ya figure out a way to do it without him blowin up, youre probably never gonna end it.
if you have any of his belonging at your place, get them in a box ready to go.
imo, ya say what ya gotta say. im thinkin keep it short and if questions come up keep the answers about you.

i think it might be wise to keep records of everything before this and after. idk how this man will respond, but it could get ugly and a PPO may be necessary.

im not sure if it would be wise, but it seems it would be wise to make it clear you are done and no more communication will be tolerated?

FreeOwl

Here's what you do.

You say "This relationship is unhealthy for me and though I care about you, I care more about my own well-being and long-term happiness and safety. For me, that means I have to let go of this relationship and move on with my life in another direction. Goodbye."

Yoshi1496

Hi guys. I live with my mom and she's pretty crazy lol and has been an addict herself but obviously she's been clean from drugs waaaaaaaayy before she had me. So I don't tthink he would try and come to my house. He just called me and yet again he doesn't remember. Told.me he is sorry. But now it doesn't really mean much to me anymore. He has broke. Up with me many times sober and drunk. Even if he was sober we have confliticng views in issues that are important to me and him. But my thing is he judges people a little.too harshly meanwhile his own self is messed up. And it shows when he gets drunk. He goes all over the place yelki g about what others have done to him and what he goes through. I do love him just not as before. Idk how to put it. I'm scared because a couple months ago during the summer a night like this happened again and it involved him screaming at the top of his lungs to his mother. We both left and he called me and goes "idk what I'm doing" and I tell him you need to go apologize to your mom. And hes going on about people and the world and nobody agrees with his ideas and he could jump in front a of a bus and nobody would care. And I refrained from breaking up with him that night because if that statement. So pretty much we made it to a year with me staying and just burying that feeling I had that night

Anna

I hope that you can find some peace in your life.

ardy

Hi, Yoshi.
Welcome to SR.
I was in one of those.. tried to fix it .. tried to clean it up.. and worked my butt off to help him have a career.. after 3 years.. he tried to kill me.. no kidding... end it kiddo you are young.. do you have your own job and house.. end it.. run to the next exit. do not look back for at 30 he will not get better just worse.. and then you will be the problem.. that is when as the female we get hurt the worst.... run run run.. and set up a good wall of protection so you can avoid him..
about 5 years ago my hubby Ed and I were on a bus just hopping around town and looking at old building.. and he got on the bus... my tummy went into a knot.. Ed hid me a bit and we got off the the back of the bus. and I was in tears. just hearing his voice made me so afraid... took the rest of the weekend to get me to stop... run run run... and don't stop...

Susiesmiles

I don't know how many times my ex told me he was dying or he was going to kill himself. He told me frequently for 10 years that he had various illnesses. It won't change, you have to realize that. Don't feel sorry for him just go.

calvinm16

Your boyfriend is lucky to have a woman like you. You actually care to help and want to be there for him against all odds. I haven't been fortunate to have someone like you in my life during my sobriety, that being said he sounds like a selfish jerk and you should leave him if you're not happy because he definitely doesn't respect you like he should.

Unless he stops drinking he'll never sleep it off and if it's only the beginning of a few years drunk it'll only get worse. I didn't fall to my knees and finally go sober until I was about 5 years into pretty heavy daily drinking. I've seen many relationships like this where the guy is verbally abusive and it can easily turn into something else and I hope that doesn't happen to you.

IF you want to carry his burden on your shoulders while he's unwilling to respect you then why should you respect him. You need to think how much better your life would be without this guy. Either that or like others have said you're probably in for a long nasty ride and it'll only get worse unless he stops drinking.

andyh

you deserve better Yoshi. time to walk away & don't look back.

DreamCatcher17

I agree with all the poeple above.
LEAVE!!!! and now, you are so young to live like this.
It will only get worse.
Change your number
Get a restraining order on him - Pronto!!!! (IMO)

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Yoshi!!

Dee74

How are things today Yoshi?

D

Yoshi1496

Hey guys. I'm at work right now. But I'm doing good today. I told him everything I have said and you guys have said to him on our anniversary and I repeated what he said to me in his drunken rage. I told him that he is verbally abusive and I want to just calk a spade a spade. I have already been sexually abused by a past lover. I do not want to go through abuse again because I might snap. He told he's sorry of course and that he is done with drinking but we will see. I told him I was just going to emotionally detatch myself and end it. He doesn't want me to. I told him I'm not a professional I can't help you with this. So he I going to start looking g for a program and take it from there. But I told him in don't have to be your gf to support you. I feel emitonally drained and my anxiety has gotten worse around him right now its complicated. I don't wanna leave him hanging and he said that's not a reason to stay with him. I will see what happens in two months. I'm watching. Won't get my hopes up.