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sweetichick 11-01-2017 10:51 AM

A week sober and thought I could control it
 
I had a full week up even went to AA. Then I got paid and figured one wouldn't hurt. Seven bottles of wine later and having severe panic attacks. When will I learn? I thought I had licked it this time. Nothing really even triggered it.

suki44883 11-01-2017 10:54 AM

One will always hurt, because almost all the time it leads to more.

Meraviglioso 11-01-2017 11:01 AM

sweetichick, I am really sorry that you are back to square one. I too know how that feels and it is awful.
There is no sarcasm in the following question, I'm being serious: Are you sure when you say that you though you could control it? Really? Did you really think that or did you just kind of skip over the thinking about it at all and go ahead and drink. I know that after all of my experience there is absolutely no thoughts that I can even remotely control drinking. I know that if I drink all bets are off. Yet, I have still relapsed with this knowledge, but there was never a false idea of being able to control it.

If you really, really had thoughts that you could control it, after all the evidence to the contrary then you seriously need to get yourself into rehab. You cannot do this lone. That ship sailed a long time ago. It took me forever to accept that, I just kept digging in my heels thinking I would find some way to manage this on my own but in the end I finally gave up, gave in, whatever you want to call it and went to rehab. Things haven't been perfect since then, but it was the true, solid start to my recovery.

A week is great sweetichick, it really is and you should be very proud of yourself. But a week it not enough. It is time to get serious and go all out and that is going to require getting some help. Let go sweetichick, go get the help you need.

Inchworm 11-01-2017 11:10 AM

I thought I could control my drinking a thousand and one times.....

BixBees505 11-01-2017 11:14 AM

“One “ hurts like hell.

PeacefulWater12 11-01-2017 11:23 AM

Sending best wishes SweetChick. I used to do that as well. Eventually I accepted I could not control it or moderate.

Once I accepted this, I felt peace. I gave up trying. A solid quit then started.

Fighting alcohol doesn't work. Surrendering brings relief.

August252015 11-01-2017 11:27 AM

Sorry to hear this, Sweeti.

Nothing triggered it.... actually, alcoholism is its own trigger. Anything, everything and nothing are triggers.

And....going to AA is not the same thing as working the program. In the beginning especially, my decision to completely quit had to be the first thing, AA and everything else followed.

I don't believe we get infinite chances- I hope you will take this one.

biminiblue 11-01-2017 11:28 AM

It's a decision.

Someday you'll make it or it will be made for you.

Ariesagain 11-01-2017 11:35 AM


Originally Posted by sweetichick (Post 6657315)
I had a full week up even went to AA. Then I got paid and figured one wouldn't hurt. Seven bottles of wine later and having severe panic attacks. When will I learn? I thought I had licked it this time. Nothing really even triggered it.

Your post is titled “I thought I could control it.”

Why?

ScottFromWI 11-01-2017 11:43 AM


Originally Posted by sweetichick (Post 6657315)
When will I learn?

I think most likely when you start demanding answers of yourself - you are the only one that can make the right choices and perform the actions needed to quit. You have already learned about what support is out there, and you've already learned that you cannot drink even one drink.

So at this point I don't think there is really anything more you can learn. You need to DO something about it. Maybe it's rehab, maybe it's AA, maybe you need to talk with your doctor, or maybe you need to do all of the above or something not on that list. But the bottom line is that if you keep doing what you are doing, you will continue do drink and the consequences will keep getting worse and worse. It's not really a complicated scenario.

AnvilheadII 11-01-2017 12:01 PM

I thought I had licked it this time.

in a week. you "thought" that somehow 6 or 7 days without drinking would make you NOT an alcoholic any more?

the only way to "beat this thing" is to NEVER drink again.
EVER.
not one.
not for any reason.
at all.
ever.
not length of time CURES it.
it's the same commitment EVERY DAY.
i will not drink today, no matter what. and i will do everything necessary to assure that does not happen.

i hope you weren't drinking and driving.

WestofOak 11-01-2017 12:06 PM


Originally Posted by suki44883 (Post 6657321)
One will always hurt, because almost all the time it leads to more.

I really like the above. Its right on point.

Anna 11-01-2017 12:09 PM

Sweetichick, this is the time to try to accept that you can never drink again. Good job on getting through the week. You know that you can go beyond that. :)

Hawkeye13 11-01-2017 12:27 PM


Originally Posted by sweetichick (Post 6657315)
I had a full week up even went to AA. Then I got paid and figured one wouldn't hurt. Seven bottles of wine later and having severe panic attacks. When will I learn? I thought I had licked it this time. Nothing really even triggered it.

I had to learn the hard way too--you can't ever even have just one

That's just reality for drinkers like us

No exceptions. . .

Opivotal 11-01-2017 12:56 PM

I can't tell you the number of times I said "no more" and drank the next day, week. I couldn't control my drinking no matter what I tried, and I tried everything.

The simple truth staring me in the face was ... I cannot drink at all. Accepting that truth was life-changing.

Have a good talk with yourself, make a plan and stick to it.. no matter what. You can do this, you don't have to live this way.

freshstart57 11-01-2017 01:09 PM

It wasn’t until I formed my quitting as a choice that it finally made sense to me. Telling myself I couldn’t drink was not doable because I certainly could. Of course I could drink, I was doing it all the time.

But phrasing it a a choice made it something I could commit to. I made it a choice between drinking and being sick, angry, miserable and ashamed, and instead of that, being well, having a job and a marriage and a home and a life worth living. That was the choice, no way I could ever have both.

You have the same choice facing you, sweeti. Drink, or have the life you can make something of. If you are like me, you know what the answer is. Are you ready?

thomas11 11-01-2017 01:17 PM

Most of us thought we could control it....and we ended up here. Wishing you the best this time around.

Dee74 11-01-2017 03:54 PM

No one really wants to be an alcoholic :)

Noone wants to have to go to AA, or to work hard at not doing something, or go through life being different.

But honestly - I think my drinking life was far far worse.

You are in good company sweetichick.

Many times I confused abstinence for control, but they're not the same thing.

No matter how much sober time I have, I know what will happen when I drink again.

When you accept that, everything really starts to change, for the better :)

Do you think you're closer to accepting it now Sweetichick?

D

Verdantia 11-01-2017 04:40 PM

Wishing you strength and insight, sweetichick. It took me a long, long time to realize that I could never drink again, that it could never be just one. I am incapable of moderation. I have no 'off' switch when it comes to alcohol. Like Mera, I was totally resistent to the thought of rehab, but in the end I really didn't have a choice-it was rehab or losing everything. It has taken me two inpatient experiences to come to the utter realization that drinking would only lead to my death-and nearly did. It has been 23 months for me now and I must remain scrupulously vigilant to never let thoughts of drinking 'responsibly' enter my mind. I am happy now, and my life isn't perfect but it is good, and that is enough.

Stronger2017 11-01-2017 04:52 PM

Sorry to hear that sweetichick. It’s good you went to AA though. Probably best to keep going back.


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