Emotional broken
 

First time here. I was in a relationship with a coke addict on and off for 4 years. Finally moved out on my own with my daughter. Recently trying to work things out whole he was in recovery ( or so o thought). I had a bad feeling so I went to his house and found him in bed with a women and a crack pipe on the nightstand.
My main question is how do these people live two lives? And why bother. They obviously do not care about the relationship. So why all the lies. Just let the poor person gooooo. I'm so hurt.

Sorry for what brings you here Shellart. There really is not a good answer as to "why" addicts do what they do, other than that they are simply addicts. And addiction is a horrendously selfish affliction.

The best thing you can do is take care of yourself...you'll find a lot of support here on SR. Check out our friends and family forums too if you like, you will find others who have been in similar situations and know how to help.

Welcome to the family. :) I'm sorry for what brings you here. I hope you can accept that he doesn't care about anything other than his addiction, and let him go so you can move forward with your life. :hug:

I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling.

You will find lots of support here.

Hi, Shellart.
Welcome.
Glad you found us.
My opinion only: I think addicts like to keep relationships going, just in case they need something, money, a place to stay, emotional giveback.
If they can, they do just enough to keep the people who love them in their orbit.
As awful as your experience was, it was good that you caught him and his shenanigans.
Now you know, for sure, that this relationship is not good.
Good thoughts.

I believe this is exactly right. When I was an active drinker, I did exactly what you describe. I found it easy to do as I had compartments in my brain. Different compartments for different people. Each one I quacked different quacks too.
In recovery I have spoken to other alcoholics who said they too used compartments or boxes in their brain to do this. I found it very easy. Automatic. I just naturally did it. Didn't plan it. It was just part of the whole addicted way of life.

I don't do it now. In fact now I am no longer an active drinker, I don't have the ability to do it. When drinking we use a different area of our brain to think with. Now I also consider it wrong.

Thank you

Thank you for your input.♡

Thank you

Hi and welcome Shellart.

I'm sorry for what brings you to SR, but as others have said you'll find support here.

D