Orly

Hey out there. I feel alone and afraid and terrified all the time. I am ashamed that I cannot help myself to stop drinking. I am embarrassed to admit I have a problem. I love my family and I am hurting them with my problem. I don’t know where to start it’s like a big black wall of terror...

doggonecarl

Welcome. No need to feel ashamed. You aren't the first person to realize their drinking had got out of control. Addiction is nothing to be embarrassed about. There are solutions, but it is up to you to find them and apply them.

Orly

Thank you for answering. I feel this crushing weight of sadness all the time and I am afraid not to drink. Is that crazy?

Nowsthetime

It's not crazy. It's actually very normal. Read around and start building your plan and be excited for your new life. The possibilities are endless!!!!!

Obladi

Hi Orly,

It's not crazy. It's alcohol. Many of us have gotten to the point of debilitating depression coupled with the fear of not drinking AND continuing to drink. This is a normal effect of excessive drinking, sometimes augmenting the very symptoms you are trying to drink away.

Help us to understand if you are drinking around the clock or if it's a periodic thing? You may need help to get off the booze and you most definitely will benefit to help you stay off. We can offer our support and experiences.

xo
Welcome!

O

Doubledee

No. I would imagine its fairly common for people giving up alcohol. I certainly feel like this and its good to know other people are too. Good luck staying sober. I've only started myself so its good to know other people are in the same boat.

WhenStarsGoBlue

Tell yourself that it's okay to be sad. Literally just writing this first post takes so much strength- you should be proud of yourself.

Hugs!

Acheleus

Welcome to SR. If you quit drinking you will never have to feel this way again. Find a support system and stay connected to others. I'm glad you are seeking help for your problem. Hang in there!

Orly

Thank you and thank you everyone. So my drinking is episodic and periodic. I can go weeks or months without drinking but then another stretch of drinking for a few days straight, heavily, which culminates in an incident of some kind. Years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of severe child abuse—NOT an excuse to drink—but I think it has contributed to how my problem developed. I have a great job, husband, kids, external success but no close friends. I spend most of my free time alone and pretending to be ‘busy’ tending to my kids and my house and my job. I just feel empty and sad and like a huge fraud.

soberandhonest

Welcome Orly. Sending my support your way. There are lots of us here with lots of bad experiences with alcohol, but we have managed to find a way out or are in the process of doing so. There's no judgment here. Keep posting and learning and sharing and listening.

MelSober

I am taking it day by day and feel scared too. WhenStars is right, the first post is a good step! Every moment doesn't feel great but I think the longer you stick with it the more moments will be good. My first few days felt similar to yours and it was helpful to know I wasn't alone. You aren't alone. We all know what you mean for sure!

Orly

Thank you. Spent a lot of time today on the site, reading and also just having the page open on my phone for comfort. So many brave and kind people.

Hats

Glad your on here Orly
I spent my 1st few weeks reading on here constantly. The experience, strength and hope I received from this site helped in keeping me sober.

Dee74

Welcome Orly
SR helped me turn my life around.

Posting here is a great first step to change

D

Orly

Thank you. I made it through the first day. Five minutes at a time.

Doubledee

This mirrors my situation quite closely. I can often go quite awhile without drinking but no more than a month usually. When I do, I go at it hard often to the point of blacking out or throwing up. I hope your mood lifts in the coming while.