First Day - October 30, 2017
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Well sure, that's the insanity of alcoholism.
Would you like this great life or would you like that one last fling? And for what? An hour buzz?
It's so much better on the sober side. Stick with us - you'll never regret it.
Would you like this great life or would you like that one last fling? And for what? An hour buzz?
It's so much better on the sober side. Stick with us - you'll never regret it.
It seems like there are two people what I like to think is the real me, and then the alchy who thinks it would be nice to drink just one more time and that's it. But that's a lie and I become so fed up with the whole scenario and the related circumstances that I am completely adamant that I am not going there anymore. Your right, simply put "for what a buzz for an hour" I am really sure I enjoy the "buzz" at all that much. I think it must be something subconcious that kept it going.
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Last night was Halloween. In the past few years my habit was always to buy a half dozen tall cans of beer, stash them in the home and pass the evening by secretly drinking the beer while my wife handed out the candy or in between when I was handing out candy. Reflecting back, is seems so stupid to do something like that. I am so embarrassed.
Last night for a change, I drove home right past the liquor store and like the previous night only realized I had passed it after about a mile or so as I was thinking about something totally unrealated. Beat my wife home, got dinner going. We had dinner. Kids started arriving, my wife and son were handing out candy. I helped to clean up after dinner and later watched a documentary on television. Did not have any strong cravings for beer. Went to sleep at 9:45 p.m. had a better night than when I was drinking but I did wake up twice in the middle of the night. When I woke up in the night and this morning, each time I thought thank god I did not have any beer its so much better without the alcohol effects and the all the emotional baggage that goes along with doing something that I always really hate and regret the next day.
I still have 4 tall cans of beer stashed in the garage left over from October 29, the day before I quit. Tomorrow is trash/garbage day in my neighbourhood. All 4 full cans are going straight into the trash. I think the symbolism will do me good.
Last night for a change, I drove home right past the liquor store and like the previous night only realized I had passed it after about a mile or so as I was thinking about something totally unrealated. Beat my wife home, got dinner going. We had dinner. Kids started arriving, my wife and son were handing out candy. I helped to clean up after dinner and later watched a documentary on television. Did not have any strong cravings for beer. Went to sleep at 9:45 p.m. had a better night than when I was drinking but I did wake up twice in the middle of the night. When I woke up in the night and this morning, each time I thought thank god I did not have any beer its so much better without the alcohol effects and the all the emotional baggage that goes along with doing something that I always really hate and regret the next day.
I still have 4 tall cans of beer stashed in the garage left over from October 29, the day before I quit. Tomorrow is trash/garbage day in my neighbourhood. All 4 full cans are going straight into the trash. I think the symbolism will do me good.
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Note to self: Must remember to search around basement and garage for all of the empty beer cans which I have hidden here and there in the past before someone else finds them. ---> pretty pathetic for a 53 year old man. University educated professional. Graduate degree. Quite good at my profession, if I put in the effort and not just be content with getting through the day.
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Once or twice in the past my wife has stumbled upon beer cans that I had hidden. She simply put them right in the center of the kitchen counter for me to see that she found them and then walked away. Talk about an embarrassing confrontation!!!
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Just came back from a two hour lunch with colleagues. Lots of wine and beer flowing. I, thankfully and steadfastly, only had sparkling water. Even with lots of offers like come on just one etc. Get back to office and I feel strong and proud of myself for a change.
Had I given in and had just even one drink then I would I feel - regret, disappointment and frustration. And of course the feeling of being set back again. Hopefully this just makes me stronger and increases my resolve.
I think I am going out for a nice long walk tonight to kick off my commitment to exercise.
Thanks to everyone for chiming in and providing their comments. It really does help.
Had I given in and had just even one drink then I would I feel - regret, disappointment and frustration. And of course the feeling of being set back again. Hopefully this just makes me stronger and increases my resolve.
I think I am going out for a nice long walk tonight to kick off my commitment to exercise.
Thanks to everyone for chiming in and providing their comments. It really does help.
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I really appreciate you processing this in a thread, WestofOak. I hope you gained strength and resolve from putting it out here. It is a very relatable story, and your conclusions are valid. It is clear: One drink opens up all the risk again, and we risk our lives, our health, family, everything. For what??
You are going to have a wonderful life. Sober. Go for it.
You are going to have a wonderful life. Sober. Go for it.
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Location: Upper Midwest
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Like you, I am a 53 year old male. And I am an alcoholic. Also like you, I drank 6-10 drinks every night. With the help of the good people here at SR, I have managed to remain sober for over 4 years now.
When I had my last drink, I was, like you, what some would consider a "highly functioning" alcoholic. But that is really a misnomer, isn't it? I had a good job, and I was fortunate enough to quit drinking before I lost that job. But I see now that I was on borrowed time and, had I not quit when I did, things would have continued in the downward spiral that had begun years earlier. Highly functioning or not, I was a mess.
To have the opportunity to quit drinking before you lose it all - job, family, health, etc. - is a gift, in my opinion. You have been dodging bullets for long enough. It is time to get off of the firing line.
Good for you that you recognize you are an alcoholic. That realization is what allowed me to finally understand that drinking is an all or nothing proposition. For alcoholics like us, there is no moderation. No middle ground. Until you recognize yourself as an alcoholic, that all or nothing approach is often hard to find.
Now that you know what is at stake, you just need to pick the method of recovery that is best for you. If you poke around SR, you will find lots of advice and support regarding methods of recovery that might work best for you.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.
When I had my last drink, I was, like you, what some would consider a "highly functioning" alcoholic. But that is really a misnomer, isn't it? I had a good job, and I was fortunate enough to quit drinking before I lost that job. But I see now that I was on borrowed time and, had I not quit when I did, things would have continued in the downward spiral that had begun years earlier. Highly functioning or not, I was a mess.
To have the opportunity to quit drinking before you lose it all - job, family, health, etc. - is a gift, in my opinion. You have been dodging bullets for long enough. It is time to get off of the firing line.
Good for you that you recognize you are an alcoholic. That realization is what allowed me to finally understand that drinking is an all or nothing proposition. For alcoholics like us, there is no moderation. No middle ground. Until you recognize yourself as an alcoholic, that all or nothing approach is often hard to find.
Now that you know what is at stake, you just need to pick the method of recovery that is best for you. If you poke around SR, you will find lots of advice and support regarding methods of recovery that might work best for you.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.
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Originally Posted by firstymer
Like you, I am a 53 year old male. And I am an alcoholic. Also like you, I drank 6-10 drinks every night. With the help of the good people here at SR, I have managed to remain sober for over 4 years now.
When I had my last drink, I was, like you, what some would consider a "highly functioning" alcoholic. But that is really a misnomer, isn't it? I had a good job, and I was fortunate enough to quit drinking before I lost that job. But I see now that I was on borrowed time and, had I not quit when I did, things would have continued in the downward spiral that had begun years earlier. Highly functioning or not, I was a mess.
To have the opportunity to quit drinking before you lose it all - job, family, health, etc. - is a gift, in my opinion. You have been dodging bullets for long enough. It is time to get off of the firing line.
Good for you that you recognize you are an alcoholic. That realization is what allowed me to finally understand that drinking is an all or nothing proposition. For alcoholics like us, there is no moderation. No middle ground. Until you recognize yourself as an alcoholic, that all or nothing approach is often hard to find.
Now that you know what is at stake, you just need to pick the method of recovery that is best for you. If you poke around SR, you will find lots of advice and support regarding methods of recovery that might work best for you.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.
When I had my last drink, I was, like you, what some would consider a "highly functioning" alcoholic. But that is really a misnomer, isn't it? I had a good job, and I was fortunate enough to quit drinking before I lost that job. But I see now that I was on borrowed time and, had I not quit when I did, things would have continued in the downward spiral that had begun years earlier. Highly functioning or not, I was a mess.
To have the opportunity to quit drinking before you lose it all - job, family, health, etc. - is a gift, in my opinion. You have been dodging bullets for long enough. It is time to get off of the firing line.
Good for you that you recognize you are an alcoholic. That realization is what allowed me to finally understand that drinking is an all or nothing proposition. For alcoholics like us, there is no moderation. No middle ground. Until you recognize yourself as an alcoholic, that all or nothing approach is often hard to find.
Now that you know what is at stake, you just need to pick the method of recovery that is best for you. If you poke around SR, you will find lots of advice and support regarding methods of recovery that might work best for you.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.
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Join Date: May 2013
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I'm only on Day 2, so no advice here but just want you to know about I how relate to the red swollen puffy face and worries about the smell. I am also a bottle, can, box hider. I want to see us both here in one month saying I made it this far.
(I am a 45 female with a degree, management position and a teenage son)
(I am a 45 female with a degree, management position and a teenage son)
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Originally Posted by Susiesmiles
I'm only on Day 2, so no advice here but just want you to know about I how relate to the red swollen puffy face and worries about the smell. I am also a bottle, can, box hider. I want to see us both here in one month saying I made it this far.
(I am a 45 female with a degree, management position and a teenage son)
(I am a 45 female with a degree, management position and a teenage son)
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Originally Posted by firstymer
Like you, I am a 53 year old male. And I am an alcoholic. Also like you, I drank 6-10 drinks every night. With the help of the good people here at SR, I have managed to remain sober for over 4 years now.
When I had my last drink, I was, like you, what some would consider a "highly functioning" alcoholic. But that is really a misnomer, isn't it? I had a good job, and I was fortunate enough to quit drinking before I lost that job. But I see now that I was on borrowed time and, had I not quit when I did, things would have continued in the downward spiral that had begun years earlier. Highly functioning or not, I was a mess.
To have the opportunity to quit drinking before you lose it all - job, family, health, etc. - is a gift, in my opinion. You have been dodging bullets for long enough. It is time to get off of the firing line.
Good for you that you recognize you are an alcoholic. That realization is what allowed me to finally understand that drinking is an all or nothing proposition. For alcoholics like us, there is no moderation. No middle ground. Until you recognize yourself as an alcoholic, that all or nothing approach is often hard to find.
Now that you know what is at stake, you just need to pick the method of recovery that is best for you. If you poke around SR, you will find lots of advice and support regarding methods of recovery that might work best for you.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.
When I had my last drink, I was, like you, what some would consider a "highly functioning" alcoholic. But that is really a misnomer, isn't it? I had a good job, and I was fortunate enough to quit drinking before I lost that job. But I see now that I was on borrowed time and, had I not quit when I did, things would have continued in the downward spiral that had begun years earlier. Highly functioning or not, I was a mess.
To have the opportunity to quit drinking before you lose it all - job, family, health, etc. - is a gift, in my opinion. You have been dodging bullets for long enough. It is time to get off of the firing line.
Good for you that you recognize you are an alcoholic. That realization is what allowed me to finally understand that drinking is an all or nothing proposition. For alcoholics like us, there is no moderation. No middle ground. Until you recognize yourself as an alcoholic, that all or nothing approach is often hard to find.
Now that you know what is at stake, you just need to pick the method of recovery that is best for you. If you poke around SR, you will find lots of advice and support regarding methods of recovery that might work best for you.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Well today is day four, not a drop since October 30, 2017. As I posted yesterday I had 4 full tall cans of beer stashed from this past weekend. I posted yesterday that I was going to through the beer in the trash today as it is garbage/trash day in my neighbourbood. Glad to report that I did just that, threw them in with the rest of the trash, tied the big green plastic bag and brought it to the curb. No hesitation whatsoever, no well what I want just one? Should I keep a couple back just in case? I actually did it like I was throwing out old left over food or something else repulsive. Actually, that's a great way of viewing alcohol now -REPULSIVE. Please let me have the strength to continue to not only have, but to firmly act upon these one sided negative views of alcohol consumption.
I am still having some aches in the liver area, but somewhat subsided and it seems not as long lasting, ie , its not noticeable throughout the entire day. Maybe a sign of improvement? I know its really early and these things do not just fix themselves in a couple of days. However, my mind is definetely in a better state. Things can only improve. All is good, onwards and upwards!!!
I am still having some aches in the liver area, but somewhat subsided and it seems not as long lasting, ie , its not noticeable throughout the entire day. Maybe a sign of improvement? I know its really early and these things do not just fix themselves in a couple of days. However, my mind is definetely in a better state. Things can only improve. All is good, onwards and upwards!!!
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GOOD WORK. When I quit I asked my partner (I was drunk and in tears) to lock it all away and keep the key. We’ve been talking this week, and have settled happily on hosting our annual Christmas dinner and day-after brunch booze-free. First time ever.
I am happy to say that the further I am away from last drink the more insane drinking poison seems to me. And tinges of natural revulsion, rather than having to drum it up. It is like that learned taste for it is beginning to get unlearned just a bit.
I am happy to say that the further I am away from last drink the more insane drinking poison seems to me. And tinges of natural revulsion, rather than having to drum it up. It is like that learned taste for it is beginning to get unlearned just a bit.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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West, really well done.
I still have thoughts of a drink, years after having quit. In early days I had those thoughts much more frequently, but of course I used it every day and it was my binky. I mean all day I would think, "This guy is getting on my nerves." . . a drink will be nice later. I'd be checking out at work thinking, "Ahhhh. A cold beer (and in later years a shot to go with that) will be soooo good." I'd be getting ready for a party and have to pre-game to hold down the excitement. It was a holiday, so - celebrate!
You get the drift.
What I'm saying is that you will have thoughts of drinking. It means nothing, nothing to see here - just move along. It's just the dying gasps of a killer.
I still have thoughts of a drink, years after having quit. In early days I had those thoughts much more frequently, but of course I used it every day and it was my binky. I mean all day I would think, "This guy is getting on my nerves." . . a drink will be nice later. I'd be checking out at work thinking, "Ahhhh. A cold beer (and in later years a shot to go with that) will be soooo good." I'd be getting ready for a party and have to pre-game to hold down the excitement. It was a holiday, so - celebrate!
You get the drift.
What I'm saying is that you will have thoughts of drinking. It means nothing, nothing to see here - just move along. It's just the dying gasps of a killer.
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Grind out these next few days, one at a time, WestofOak. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time if need be.
Know that you will have almost overwhelming urges to drink over the next several days. The urges will come out of nowhere. Be ready for them, and know how you will deal with them when they occur. Make an actual plan as to what you will do when the urges strike, then follow through on that plan.
These urges are awful. But rest assured, after the first few weeks, they will become less and less severe, and less and less frequent.
Stay close to SR and keep posting. We are pulling for you.
Know that you will have almost overwhelming urges to drink over the next several days. The urges will come out of nowhere. Be ready for them, and know how you will deal with them when they occur. Make an actual plan as to what you will do when the urges strike, then follow through on that plan.
These urges are awful. But rest assured, after the first few weeks, they will become less and less severe, and less and less frequent.
Stay close to SR and keep posting. We are pulling for you.
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