Caprice6

I have completely relapsed. I did 40 days and then a week or so. I just never felt any better by being sober.
I don't know where to start and I don't know if this will ever end.
I'm embarrassed with myself.

Dee74

I needed to be patient. I'd drink for 20 years and drugged for longer than that - I was not going to feel top of the world in a month.

In the end, I got off lightly - I started to feel good about 3 months in with a combination of not drinking/drugging and some introspection on what I needed to do to make my life good and my self happy.

Like they say in AA don't leave before the miracle happens

I went back to drinking a few times as well - that definitely didn't make me feel any better so I reckoning the no drinking road was worth following up for a few months to see what happens...

Give it another shot. Add more stuff to your recovery plan.

You can do this

D

Caprice6

Thanks Dee!

I wrote a whole novel in response and then my computer crashed. F my life.

I guess we all wouldn't be here if drinking was better than just not.

Since I relapsed, I can't sleep through a night, everything is a pain and takes effort, can't eat and am a worse mess than usual.

ed2715

Caprice, you can do this. Remember you are going to see the psych doctor soon. Don’t give up on yourself. I agree with Dee that it may take more time to feel better, but it will be worth it eventually. Take it a minute at a time if you have to. I have tried “urge surfing,” and it really worked for me. I repeat, you can do this!

Mizzuno

Sobriety takes time. For some it can be a slow progression into a new life. Starting and stopping. Please give yourself a little breathing room. Get back on the horse and see where it takes you this time. You can do this.

Midwest1981

I relapsed several times before I quit for good. Don't ever give up! It does take awhile to feel better but keep moving forward and you will.

DangerZone

Don't be embarrassed. Most people who get long term sobriety relapsed at least once. Point is they kept trying and they made a negative a positive by using the relapse as a tool to make them more determined to stay sober.

The fact you feel ashamed and came back here is a good sign. If you felt OK with it and continued to drink I'd be really concerned.

Sometimes we forget how bad drinking is for us. Use this relapse as a reminder. You can do it.. 40+ days is no small achievement.. I'd write down how I felt after this relapse and read it everyday as a reminder.

Caprice6

Thank you all for your feedback.
I must try again and give this sobriety thing another try.

DangerZone

I want you to know you are not alone. I didn't post about it but I relapsed with drugs on Friday. I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. It's not a good feeling but it will pass as long as you get right back on the sober wagon. A month from now this will just be a bad experience that you can use as a tool to be more determined to remain sober.

Use it as a learning experience and keep fighting. Whatever you do don't use it as an excuse to go back to drinking. You can beat this.. We can beat this...

Anna

Yes, Caprice, you must try again. It's hard to be patient early on and it takes time for us to heal physically, mentally and spiritually. See if you can add something to your day so that you feel good about yourself at the end of the day.

least

It took me longer than one month to start feeling the positive effects of sobriety. Give it another try, and give it all your effort.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Caprice!!

Dee74

How's it going Caprice?

D

DreamCatcher17

Welcome back, one day at a time! You can do this.

I am on round 3 in 7 years. The first 2 I wasn't serious and I knew it. The first time I made it 3 months and then 9 months. Going to meetings, the steps but I was lying to myself and others. Not to mention I was getting sober for everyone around me and not for myself. I didn't accept my alcoholism. I now do, I know that I can not drink, we are not good friends at all. Drink is my enemy, the worst I've ever had.

You can do this. Have a good support system, if you feel the urge, come here or go to a meeting. I'm sure someone can help you off the ledge, but you'll need to want the help or it'll never work.

Caprice6

Hi all!

Thanks again for all your support and checking in.

I am ending day 4. The past week has been hell. Am on antibiotics now for a skin infection and definitely cannot drink, not that i want to.

I've been on a rollercoaster of moods, mostly bad. Then one minute i get really happy again and hopeful about the future for no reason. I have a mood disorder that is for sure. It's just insane from one minute to the next or throughout the day and it's not just the withdrawal symptoms (which make it much worse).

I hated the last binge i was on. Gave $100 to 1 guy and $50 to another to care for my dogs because of this infection and i was sure I'd need to get hospitalized for a few days...promised them more because i wasn't sure how long they'd keep me. Never ended up being hospitalized but got prescribed antibiotics instead. Since i didn't need their help and sobered up, neither have returned my money after i asked for it back. I can't believe how awful most ppl are. It wasn't a gift. Sorry to go off on tangents, i should never have done that and would not have sober. I would not have stalled to go see a doctor earlier about it if i had only been sober. Plus after a day of drinking, i hated every second of it yet continued to spiral. There has to be an end to this madness once and for all.

Am finally seeing a shrink(psychiatrist) on the 15th.

Caprice6

Just to clarify, it was no small infection, rashes were spreading all over my face. I was starting to look disfigured...i waited to go to a doctor even when i thought i had flesh eating bacteria because i was drunk. I was getting prepared and throwing money around in case. One thing that was clear is that i needed to go to the hospital for this.
I don't know where or how the infection happened but it's not alcohol related. looks like the shingles or chicken pox and was painful but the antibiotics for this are helping my skin heal and killed the bacteria. Potent stuff.
Anyway time for bed and to face day 5 tomorrow.
Take care!

Kachal

Hi Caprice, I'm glad you're back here. We miss you in the Sept class. You can totally do this.