Day 62 and getting better
 

It's day 62 and I'm doing well. I've made a lot of progress in the last 2 months. Working with both my addictions counsellor and sponsor. My sleep has greatly improved and my mood... well, most days are good. I actually had a co worker compliment me on how happy and outgoing I seem to be lately and said I seem different and always in a good mood. I was a bit shocked when he said it and didn't know how to respond at 1st, but I took a moment then thanked him. Then I got to thinking about how I must have been around my co workers when I was actively drinking and reflected on it. I don't know what others thought but I know I was always quiet, not getting involved in anything new work related or getting involved in general convo. I never laughed and never smiled and probably had a miserable look on my face (because I always felt miserable). So that was a nice self esteem booster for me.
Tomorrow is a big day for me and I'm feeling fairly nervous about it.
Tomorrow morning I'm off to my sponsor's place and were going to go through my step 4, then do 5,6 and 7. I know I've worked hard on it but I'm also feeling vulnerable, scared and ashamed about what I've wrote on my step 4. I guess that's why we do this, to get rid of all the muck we've created because of our drinking.
Anyways, I'll let you all know how it went; wish me luck.

Nice post Hats. It is quite common for others to notice the change in us before we do. Just shows you must be doing something right.

My thoughts are with you for your step work tomorrow. Withhold nothing and you will be delighted.

best wishes Hats :)

D

Thank you Mike
 

Got through my step work, took about 5hrs. I came home and felt drained so I layed In bed and did a bit of reflection and had a nap. I just woke up and have time to hit tonight's meeting so I'm off again.
My names Mike too

Good job Mike.
Did you remember to read page 75 after, and follow the directions in the last paragraph?

One of the unexpected benefits of step five for me was I lost my loneliness. Up until that point I had thought that I must be the worst person ever to come to AA and if they found out, I would be kicked out. We shared general stuff in meetings, as we should, but I never heard specifics.

I got some great feed back from my sponsor sharing parts of his fifth, and I discovered that I was just an ordinary alcoholic who did stuff that alcoholics do. My guys that have gone to priests have had similar feedback except they also discovered that crazy stuff is not limited to alcoholics. It was so reassuring to know I was no different.

And the same goes for you Mike. There is nothing that you have done, or thought about doing, that I havent done or thought about doing.

You are truly one of us now.

Okay, shush.
Do the work.
You will be okay.

Yes I sure did,
I read through that, continued on with step 6 then did the step 7 prayer with my sponsor. Then came home re read what we just went through, reflected and then I took a nice nap. I felt emotionally drained after going through all of that.
I don't think it's all sunk it yet but today I feel somewhat lighter, more humble. I feel as though I'm more spiritually connected with god. I've already made my list for step 8 and will continue with my journey.
My work isn't done yet, I have to repair the damage I caused.
The BB is a god send. I'm so happy I made the decision to get back into AA. Best decision I've made in years.

Mike, you're doing great!

I had a similar comment made to me in early recovery and I was surprised that anyone noticed a change. I felt sure I was hiding my negativity from everyone, but with a little perspective and clarity, I realized what people saw when they looked at me.

Yes...”with a little perspective and clarity, I realized what people saw when they looked at me”. Well said, Anna.

Hats, thanks for your threads and your honesty. Encouraging and uplifting for many.

Hear hear!
It is a privilege to be watching from the sidelines. Inspiring.