asixstringnut

I hate that it has stolen my self respect.
I hate that is has robbed me of all hope.
I hate it has robbed me of any and all dignity.
I hate how it cost me my successful business.
I hate how it has taken people that I have loved.
I hate how it has made me become a hermit.
I hate how it has robbed my health.
I hate how I look in the mirror when I dare to look.
I hate how much power it has over me.
I hate how it has made me hate my life.
I hate how it has robbed all joy from my life.
I hate how pathetic it has made me.
I hate how I can’t stop.
I HATE ,HATE, HATE THIS DAMN DISEASE.

asixstringnut

Hats

Hi asixstringnut
Here's some good news for you.
You can get all these thing back if and when your entirely ready to quit and get help. Slowly but surely, these things will start to come back.

least

Altho it may seem that way, it's not true that you "can't" stop drinking. You can, you just haven't yet. Have you considered inpatient treatment? It might be what you need, to jump start your recovery. I'd give it some serious thought.

tomsteve

yes, you can stop!
however
there are 2 things required:
1- WANTING to get and stay sober
2- being willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol.

do you WANT to stop drinking for good?

thomas11

Hey 6string, sorry you are having a rough time. There were a number of things that made me want to quit, the withdrawals, the lack of work productivity, fights with my wife, getting hurt etc...but one of the bigger things was that I was just sick of drinking and what it was doing to my life. Sounds like you are feeling similar. Maybe you can use it as motivation to just stop the madness.

biminiblue

I'm really sorry you are still suffering, I will say a prayer for you.

Chilledice

Man I felt your pain in this post!

You CAN recover from this tho....you can get your life back!

Verdantia

I am very sad that you are in such a bad place, Six. I hate our disease, too. There is hope, though--but I know you can't see it at the moment. I had many relapses and finally realized I needed inpatient treatment to get sober. I felt my life was over, but I have a new one now that is not perfect, but is infinitely better than the hell I was trapped in. I come to SR several times each day for support and reminders never to drink again. You can do this, and I wish you all strength in your battle.

nez

Alcohol took me to the depths of hell, but it is that journey that made me find a new way to live. A new way of life that helped me to discover my self respect, gave me hope, dignity, joy, a love of life, and most of all, peace with myself.

If i hadn't become an alcoholic, I might never have discovered those things. I certainly don't recommend the path of alcoholism as a path of self discovery, but for me it has worked out well.

theVman31

I remember feeling like that.
It was 3 months ago.
It can be done.

Only by ourselves.

Anna

I'm sorry that you're still suffering and you can stop. You can do this!

markinny

me too....hate it hate it hate it

I get some time in and fall off.....rinse and repeat. I jump right back on now tho when I fall instead of letting get too far out of control. I must say I still feel much better than the constant hell I lived in for many years but I know I can and want to do better.

how's your knee doing? mine has gone back to crap since the surgery a little while back. looking at replacement now. it sucks to get old "er"

you can do it. maybe it's time to look at some significant outside help?

wishing you the best

DontRemember

This was my thought as well. I no longer hate becoming an alchy. I look at it like my two long term relationships that didn't work out. They all made who I am today and taught me something. I know when active/early days it seems like the end of the world,but once some time passed it was just another learning experience.

saoutchik

It is a hateful condition Six. Don't stop trying though, you're better than a bunch of chemicals.

Fusion

It doesn't have to be this way. You can script your future. You can regain your self respect, dignity and most of all, hope. If I did, then you can too. It's never, ever too late for a new begining.

Start again, don't think of it as a disease, but a dis-ease between yourself that doesn't want to drink (higher conscious rational brain) and your habituated self that does want to drink (lower autonomous addicted brain). It will help you, I believe, if you look into the mechanics of addiction. You CAN do this, your past does not need to dictate your future.

Dee74

Hi Six - like others have said - it is a terrible condition but it's a condition we can 100% put into permanent remission with a little effort.

You've obviously worked pretty hard to stay drinking - so did I .

Imagine what you could do if that effort was geared towards staying sober?

Get some help to get started - AA or some other recovery group, inpatient or outpatient rehab, post here multiple times a day, see an addictions counsellor, maybe a therapist...there's a multitude of things you can do for yourself and your recovery.

You can do this
D

Hawkeye13

Don't quit quitting six--one day it will stick

I often felt like I'd never get away from the booze but I did and you can too.
Life is so much better now--it will be for you too.

Let those dreams come alive again and go after them

tomsteve

'sup, six???
a new day and the best day to make this your last day 1

August252015

THIS.

I heard someone describe alcoholism as a "peculiar gift" and that stuck with me. The concept is just what the BB says at the end of p 417, top of 418: "for a long time I thought that being an alcoholic was the worst thing that ever happened to a nice guy like me; today, I find that it is the best thing that happened to me. This proves that I don't know what's good for me [or for anyone else]..."

Now, at 20 mo and change, I sincerely believe this. I am not sure when that shift happened - from despair and loathing of my "lot," which I know I had at points along the way, and a fear of what "just giving up the ghost" would be like....but it did and I believe, it can for anyone who earnestly seeks acceptance then action to live and flourish in recovery.

Prayers for this peace- which starts with the decision to stop, to get help, and to grow- for you.

thomas11

How are you doing today 6string?