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Old 10-26-2017, 11:49 PM
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Peer pressure

Hi all

I have a question !

As the holiday season is fast approaching Iím getting the question from friends and relatives about my sobriety

ďSo are you drinking at Christmas and new year? Itís goung to be boring you not joining inĒ

And my response - Iíll be drinking by then , donít worry

How mad is this ? I guess I just donít want to have conversation about it with them or admit I have a big issue to people I only see once or twice a year , but I can see Iím gearing myself up for a huge problem if I donít stop saying this ...

This happened to any one else in past,how did you address it ?

Thanks !
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Old 10-27-2017, 12:07 AM
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What about a simple 'no, not really' instead?

or if you want to put some starch into it 'I find drinkers boring actually'

D
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Old 10-27-2017, 04:42 AM
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All my old drinking friends will no doubt spend the entire Christmas season sitting there drinking (just like every other time of the year).

In the meantime I intend to...

Watch the local dance school perform at the Christmas light switch on with some friends who's kids are performing in it

Go to a panto

Volunteer on Christmas day at the cathedral run meal for people who'd be alone at Christmas - it was amazing last year

Go Carol singing

Go to some Christmas markets

Visit some long-neglected family

Have giggles with some sober pals over some non-alcoholic beverages

Take some frosty walks to exercise off the extra food I ate

Help out at some Christmas services at church

On New Year's Eve I have the option of going to a big party hosted by a couple from AA, which was great fun last year. So maybe will go for a while.




While I still just hung around with drinkers (by which I mean people who drinking was main priority for) then I always felt like I was missing out. My focus was all wrong, I needed to start looking elsewhere.

BB
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Old 10-27-2017, 04:45 AM
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Hello!

Who are these people who depend on YOU for THEIR entertainment????

Nip that in the butt!

You are NOT responsible for others, only yourself and this is serious stuff about your life!

The holidays can be tough but we will be here to support you.

Tell them the truth: you don't like how it makes you feel anymore!!!
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Old 10-27-2017, 04:49 AM
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I would tend to be concerned that they would only find me fun when I’m drunk. I would either give them the short no thanks, or I’m really enjoying life without, If you have a conversation it can be about enjoying life without alcohol not about whether drinking is a problem. I enjoy feeling fresh in the morning, I lost weight, my immune system is stronger, my relationships are better, hated the hangover. If they persist and say com’n just one. It’s back to the short, no thanks. Others wanting you to drink is their issue. Your sobriety is yours. Stay strong and don’t create a set up. Say no thanks up front. It’ll be ok.
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Old 10-27-2017, 04:57 AM
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Stop caring what other people think about you. That was a huge problem with why I drank before now I don't care...

I'll always be myself. If you like me great, if you don't oh well. I'm not going to change who I am to please people because at the end of the day if I do that they don't even like me for me anyway.

Stay sober, it is a part of who you are others are simply going to have to accept it if they want to remain your friend.

Remember, You don't owe anyone an explanation for your personal choices. Say you don't like it and leave it at that.
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Old 10-27-2017, 05:34 AM
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The holidays can be tough for drinkers. My addicted sib seems to go overboard around the holidays.
I feel it’s because drinking is sanctioned and expected at holiday celebrations.
That being said, many people don’t drink, at holidays or any other time.
Just stay your course, rainyengland.
Whether you drink or not is no one’s business.
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Old 10-27-2017, 10:04 AM
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Be brave, and if asked if you'll be drinking, say, hell no!! If told you'll be boring, say, oh well, guess you'll be bored with me... Don't care what others say or think. Live your life as you want to do.
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Old 10-27-2017, 10:10 AM
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It sounds like your friends & relatives are expecting your drinking to be the entertainment??

You don't owe anyone an explanation to that question. It's nobody's business but yours.
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Old 10-27-2017, 10:14 AM
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I agree with not caring what others think. My close friends/family know I still smoke weed occasionally..That is until last week. When asked if I wanted to smoke(my weed mind you), I said I wasn't smoking anymore. He asked "why" and I just said 'don't want to anymore. Here's what I have.Smoke away and take it home with ya'. Needless to say;he didn't smoke any and just took it home to smoke. LOL I've decided I'm quitting ALL vices. Have my cig quit day set(day after Thanksgiving) and I'm going to focus on fitness from here forward.
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Old 10-27-2017, 10:16 AM
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I thought the same thing as Anna. Usually the guy with the drinking problem is the most entertaining - in a morbid, "Look at that train wreck," kind of way.

"I'm taking an extended break. Like 30 years or so." That should do it.

Really you owe no one an explanation. None of their business.
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Old 10-27-2017, 10:51 AM
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there comes a time when we stop living our lives for someone else, and chose to live it for ourselves. you get to call the shots now, no one else. if THEY don't like, that is THEIR problem. and if that's how little they think of you then perhaps other holiday plans should be made......
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Old 10-27-2017, 01:02 PM
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Thank you all - wise words as usual

Yes , Iím the entertainment because I was always the biggest drunk and out of control ..your all right , live for me and not others

It gets brought up again then Iíll be straight and honest

Thank you !
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Old 10-27-2017, 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by rainyengland View Post
Thank you all - wise words as usual

Yes , Iím the entertainment because I was always the biggest drunk and out of control ..your all right , live for me and not others

It gets brought up again then Iíll be straight and honest

Thank you !
There's also no need to mention alcoholic.I don't, but my family and friends know "why".. You and I are both adults and can do as we please with no further explanation needed. "F'em" if they don't like it!
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Old 10-27-2017, 01:19 PM
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Good for you Rainyengland. And I'd just add that last Christmas was my first sober one since I was a child (apart from the years when I've been pregnant) and it was the best Christmas ever! A few friends commented on my sobriety in a negative way and now I come to think of it, I haven't seen too much of those friends this year. I don't have any hard feelings towards them, it's just we have nothing in common now I don't drink.

Remembering how fantastic last Christmas was makes me so thankful I don't drink anymore. Alcohol adds nothing to Christmas. We're all brainwashed to believe we have to have a few drinks to be sociable and have fun but it's a total lie. Christmas has always been my favourite time of year and it still is. It's even better now I'm sober. Just wish it would hurry up and start. I'm guessing October is too early to put the tree up???
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Old 10-27-2017, 01:21 PM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
There's also no need to mention alcoholic.I don't, but my family and friends know "why".. You and I are both adults and can do as we please with no further explanation needed. "F'em" if they don't like it!
Iím just telling them not drinking - none of there business the rest apart from mine and wifeís 😄

Like Fíem 👍🏻😄

Thanks
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Old 10-27-2017, 01:45 PM
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my close family & friends know I've quit. I tell other people that I'm taking a break & enjoying the benefits - no hangovers, losing weight, saving money etc. I don't really have anyone in my life who'd try to insist on me drinking, but "having to drive later" is always a good excuse.

I don't feel that most people need to know that I'm taking a break indefinitely.
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Old 10-27-2017, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by rainyengland View Post
Thank you all - wise words as usual

Yes , Iím the entertainment because I was always the biggest drunk and out of control ..your all right , live for me and not others

It gets brought up again then Iíll be straight and honest

Thank you !
Peer pressure and a need to belong was the reason I started using drugs and drinking so I'm not a big fan of peer pressure. The need to use more drugs and drink more than anybody else was a big deal to me. Of course, there's a big price to pay for that kind of thinking.
Hope you don't bend to the pressure. I know it's hard but it's just not worth it. Good luck. John
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Old 10-28-2017, 04:25 AM
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Hi there.

It sounds pretty mean of them to describe you as "boring" when sober. That being said, if you want to attend those parties with them and have a secret weapon:

1. Memorise 10 jokes.
2. Learn three card tricks and have deck of cards in your pocket.
3. Learn how to juggle

You've got about two months, any or all should be possible, depending on how much time you have. I've used the first two as icebreakers and they worked a charm.

Or, make plans with someone who doesn't hassle you or insult you for trying to improve your life.

Good luck!
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Old 10-28-2017, 04:39 AM
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Good comments.

I too had my first sober Christmas in years in 2016- and it was a wonderful week - because the joy I had in the 2-3 days we spent celebrating carried with me for days after, and still!

My first sponsor used to say "no is a complete sentence." When I first quit (I am only 20 mo sober now) I had no problem with a little bit of subtle conversation change, or white lies, but truthfully....I just didn't surround myself with anyone who didn't support my decision. Still don't - and my life is full, fun, much less stressful.....better in every way.

Now that I have done things like my first party (at 13 mo), first wedding (18 mo) - note how long it was til I did those things- I have a plan and tools (I am an AAer) to deal with situations with emotional sobriety (which is a wide ranging concept and one I ardently believe precedes physical sobriety).

Some people also say things like - remember it's just a day/holiday....think of how will feel the next morning and such (ie, play the tape through as if you both did and did NOT drink and compare)....finally- I have found people who said that "folks really don't care as much about you as you think" to be right.

You can choose to be sober- hope you do.
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