Davey1

I am 4 years sober, and never participated in a meeting.

Over the course of 2 years I was an excellent manipulator and deceiver. I did anything I could to get my hands on hydrocodone, oxys, ambien, muscle relaxers, anything to make the pain go away. The mental and physical scars still hurt me today. By Gods grace I am here today.

Just want someone to understand.

Dee74

Welcome Davey!

I think you'll find a lot of understanding and support here.

There is life after addiction

D

Ghostlight1

I understand. I abused drugs, scripts, for awhile. Then alcohol became my abuse of choice.

Four years sober is great! Congratulations.
I know the temptations and cravings and how difficult it can be, so you're not alone.
God's grace is why I'm here, too. I should be dead or in jail. I just celebrated six years ten months of sobriety yesterday. Still taking it one day at a time.

I'm glad you're here and posted. It's sort of like a meeting here.
Stick around and hope to hear more from you. There are people here you can help.

january161992

how are you today Davey1 ?

Anna

Welcome, Davey!

Congratulations on 4 years of recovery. We really do understand.

Midwest1981

Congratulations! welcome to SR. I hear ya!

least

Welcome to the family Davey! I'm glad you joined us.

Davey1

Thank you all for your encouraging words. I never thought in my life I would ever be a drug addict. It just happened. The problem I found on the road to recovery is that the temptation is always their. Literally everyday I wake up, getting high again is the first thing and last thing i think about when I go to bed. Will this always be their? It is just a feeling like something is missing in my life - a constant void of hurt and doubt.

anxiousrock

You're not the only one.....I never thought I'd see the day where I admitted I have a drinking problem and yet here we are.
Glad you came to this forum, you will find lots of support and understanding!

biminiblue

I think you can change out those thoughts for some more positive ones with a little bit of effort. Yeah, it comes up, but if you immediately change your thoughts to anything else - birds - puppies - mummies - your first grade teacher - they will eventually stop popping up so frequently.

I have a couple places I go that trigger thoughts of using. I immediately say to myself, "Yeah, well I don't drink and I'm not going to..."

Then it goes away..

Welcome. We get it. Hang around here.

Dee74

Hi Davey

I think people really can change and we can leave that desire to get high behind, for good.

Takes a little effort commitment and especially patience - but it will happen, over time, and it's worth the wait

D

Davey1

By Gods grace I am here today. He has given me such a piece and understanding for my purpose in life. I have unspeakable joy now tjanks to Him. But even though I have this much joy and love, I still have the cravings for more pills. Its sad to say, but if I had a bottle of pills, I would go back in a heartbeat to my old life of depression and misery just to be high again. Does this seem normal?

biminiblue

Well, I think you have to work on that, Davey.

When I'm rational, I don't want to go back. That is my lower self or my addict-brain talking: I don't listen to it and I certainly don't do its bidding. That's the part of me that wants to self-destruct. I sometimes have a thought that I could, but the very next thought is, "What? I already tried that! I don't do that any more! Never Again!"

I think you have to take that option permanently off the table, and come up with an answer to it.