Married to Binge Drinker
 

All,

New at this. Hope this is the right forum. Married 30 years. Had a hard weekend when I could no longer ignore that voice in my head that there were real problems. Came home from an overnight camping trip to wife passed out at 3:30 pm and obviously drunk. Did the typical private detective thing to see what I'm up against. A liter of Vodka, 3 - 500ml wine boxes and 3 mini-wine bottles. Receipts to prove this was from Friday afternoon to Saturday afternoon. Also found an empty prescription opioid "for migraine" that should have lasted until May of next year (average consumption would have been about 2/day).

What I figured was a little dalliance here and there (we are an avowed non-drinking/drugs family) looks like a real problem to me. Lots of lies and denial as expected. Commitment to just stop. Tears. All the while, we had two pre-teens at home wondering what is going on with mom. I have found her passed out before - bought the story about migraines. Going on at least 3 years. Probably more...no way to really know.

Having the expected trust issues. But more importantly, broken hearted feeling like the future I had in mind for us is bound to be very different. Beyond the obvious longer-term health issues, scared that she might die. That is a ton of alcohol for anyone much less a 5' woman.

Looking into Al-Anon and other resources. No idea what normal feels like in this situation. Feeling more than a little unhinged at the moment. Wish I could keep pretending all is okay - but I can't.

Some background - I work and she is a stay-at-home mom. Comfortable financial life. Not a lot of hard limits / don't know what it would take to "hit bottom" as my whole lifestyle is essentially enabling her to get high and sleep until the kids come home. Behavior wth the kids over the last few years has become more volatile. With me, she's usually quite pleasant, loving and supportive. The house looks pretty rough as she's been boycotting all but cooking for longer than I can remember. All that and I love her. Completely. She owns my heart. Want nothing more than for her to get better and really participate in her life.

So what comes next?
What should I be doing?
What boundaries should I be setting that are reasonable and will keep my kids safe?

Hi, Capn Toast.
Welcome to SR.
I think Al-Anon is a good place to begin.
There you will find lots of support from people who have been there.
I’m sure others will be along to welcome you soon.

Welcome to the forum. I agree with Al-Anon. The friends and family forum is also a good place to reach out to others who have been in your position.

I also believe you will need to confront her about the problem, as I see you have but this is bigger than migraines. She will need you to be supportive, but you will also need support of you own.

Therapy may be helpful too.

I'm sorry for your situation. I'm glad you are seeking support for yourself.

We do have a Forum for Friends & Families, if you like:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Welcome to the family. :) Unless she wants to stop drinking, there's little you can do except set boundaries of what you won't tolerate. I hope she's not driving the kids anywhere. :(

I too would suggest going to AlAnon for support for yourself.

You may love her with all your heart and soul, but right now she loves drinking more than anything else. :(

I hope you can get thru this. :hug:

Welcoem to SR CapnToast - you'll find a lot of support here :)

D