Shamed out of performing art scene for inappropriate fb messages while high/drunk
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 6
Shamed out of performing art scene for inappropriate fb messages while high/drunk
I am (slowly) reading "Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions" by Russel Brand and hoping this forum might be part of Step 3 for me. I have been sober since August 30th.
Some years ago I drunkenly decided that I was done with life and would pursue doing coke full time as opposed to part time. My family has a history of heart problems and everyone crokes in their 50s so it was Russian roulette with drugs for me. Soon I would be dead.
I used this as an excuse to ruin my reputation in the performing arts scene I was aggressively part of, sending out inappropriate fb messages to any girl on my huge friends list who happened to be "online" while I was ****** up, goading them into inappropriate conversations if I could and sending them nude pictures of myself if they were interested in looking.
In one screencapture my drug addiction and personal sexual fetish were flung into public view in a fb group and I was essentially banished from my social circle, labeled a pervert, a sexual predator and a whole host of things that make someone like me want to jump off a parking garage.
This happened August 30th. The only answer is a total repriortizing in my life. I've turned off my fb and haven't had a drink or any drugs since the public lashing but I know that if I don't accept help I will simply relapse.
I did coke for two years on and off and have binge drank for years. Then, I stopped the coke and tamed the alcohol for two years for the sake of my new wife and child. After my marriage fell apart for unrelated reasons and I was left alone for half the week I went back to using. That's when I was "put on blast" and labeled a danger to my performing arts community.
I feel like this was subconsciously planned by me. I feel like I knew this outing would happen and this was when I planned on offing myself in shame. The only problem is that was decided four years ago, before I was a dad, and now I have to live. Recovery is probably (very reluctantly in my current view) the only answer.
Some years ago I drunkenly decided that I was done with life and would pursue doing coke full time as opposed to part time. My family has a history of heart problems and everyone crokes in their 50s so it was Russian roulette with drugs for me. Soon I would be dead.
I used this as an excuse to ruin my reputation in the performing arts scene I was aggressively part of, sending out inappropriate fb messages to any girl on my huge friends list who happened to be "online" while I was ****** up, goading them into inappropriate conversations if I could and sending them nude pictures of myself if they were interested in looking.
In one screencapture my drug addiction and personal sexual fetish were flung into public view in a fb group and I was essentially banished from my social circle, labeled a pervert, a sexual predator and a whole host of things that make someone like me want to jump off a parking garage.
This happened August 30th. The only answer is a total repriortizing in my life. I've turned off my fb and haven't had a drink or any drugs since the public lashing but I know that if I don't accept help I will simply relapse.
I did coke for two years on and off and have binge drank for years. Then, I stopped the coke and tamed the alcohol for two years for the sake of my new wife and child. After my marriage fell apart for unrelated reasons and I was left alone for half the week I went back to using. That's when I was "put on blast" and labeled a danger to my performing arts community.
I feel like this was subconsciously planned by me. I feel like I knew this outing would happen and this was when I planned on offing myself in shame. The only problem is that was decided four years ago, before I was a dad, and now I have to live. Recovery is probably (very reluctantly in my current view) the only answer.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
Hello Speck
Although you say you are reluctant I am sure you will find recovery will be the best solution. And we are here to help you.
I'm confused about the performing arts. Is this your professional job or a hobby (like an amateur dramatics group)?
Although you say you are reluctant I am sure you will find recovery will be the best solution. And we are here to help you.
I'm confused about the performing arts. Is this your professional job or a hobby (like an amateur dramatics group)?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Hi Speck
I'm pretty sure you're not the first person to drunkenly post on FB, or the first from the performing arts, or even the first person from the performing arts in your town.
I was a musician who lost my career through being drunk and not being able to cut it at gigs anymore.
I got clean and sober and after a few years went back to music.
People forget.
Reputations can be rehabilitated and careers can have a second chapter.
It all depends on staying clean and sober tho.
D
I'm pretty sure you're not the first person to drunkenly post on FB, or the first from the performing arts, or even the first person from the performing arts in your town.
I was a musician who lost my career through being drunk and not being able to cut it at gigs anymore.
I got clean and sober and after a few years went back to music.
People forget.
Reputations can be rehabilitated and careers can have a second chapter.
It all depends on staying clean and sober tho.
D
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
Hi Speck, and welcome to SR. I know that feeling of shame and embarrassment, and I know for a fact that recovery was the only way I could move forward and look myself in the mirror again.
It's tempting to continue to use and drown out those awful feelings, but in my experience the shame only deepens as I continued to go 'round the merry-go-round of addiction.
You're in the right place.
It's tempting to continue to use and drown out those awful feelings, but in my experience the shame only deepens as I continued to go 'round the merry-go-round of addiction.
You're in the right place.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Speck!! 
Draw a line under it and keep moving forward, SR has many who walk it's corridors that came back from the staring into the abyss to rebuild and renew their lives, it can be done, you can do this!!
Draw a line under it and keep moving forward, SR has many who walk it's corridors that came back from the staring into the abyss to rebuild and renew their lives, it can be done, you can do this!!
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