Sorting through the rubble of the last years STINKS
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 24
Sorting through the rubble of the last years STINKS
all the things i've ignored for so long are crashing down. in particular, financial disasters. if i don't do it, no one does, and atm i am facing a LOT of undone things. it's a disaster, chaos, and i don't even know where to start trying to climb out. we are one emergency away from true catastrophe. i feel sick and overwhelmed. in collections with several bills. and we live check to check to check, without any leftover at the end. i have no idea what to freaking do but boy do i want to just drink it all away right now. this sucks. Additionally a refueled resentment and contempt for my h is screaming inside my head. Not helpful.
it will be seven weeks this sunday.
it will be seven weeks this sunday.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Maggie, 7 weeks is great!
I'm sorry about your financial issues. It could be helpful if you call the creditors and talk to them. They may be able to work with you as long as you could pay something each month. Is that a possibility?
I'm sorry about your financial issues. It could be helpful if you call the creditors and talk to them. They may be able to work with you as long as you could pay something each month. Is that a possibility?
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Just wanted to offer my support to you. It sounds really tough but really well done for staying sober. Thats a brilliant achievement. Try (I know it is ferociously hard) to take one thing at a time. Feelings about your marriage can wait. I hit the 4 months mark sober last week......I still don't know what to do about my very disappointing and often joyless marriage. I have read here that you need to focus on your self, building your independence and wellbeing before tackling those complicated long standing problems. This seems right to me. I Still don't feel ready for life changing decisions.
In relation to the finances- is there someone you could seek some guidance from? In my country there are free advice centres for dealing with debt.
Best wishes to you.
In relation to the finances- is there someone you could seek some guidance from? In my country there are free advice centres for dealing with debt.
Best wishes to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 24
One thing at a time. Ty. I don't mean to ignore the support or suggestions. Sorry if I seem that way. I have to box up the feelings a bit longer. 11 years feels long enough sometimes but I'm not ready to leave yet.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by stillmaggie 
The collectors give a lump sum but it's still too much. I do need to let the crappy marriage issue ride for now but it is so hard because my emotions about it are so strong. It just takes over my mind.
I read a post a while back saying how our thoughts and feelings are out of kilter in early sobriety, They are out of proportion and often it is very hard to adopt any kind of broader perspective. Worse, the AV can hijack our fears and use them against us. My life/marriage is awful, the problem is unsolvable so you may as well drink. Its rubbish of course but feels completely logical to a mind still freeing itself from addiction.
Really sorry to hear finances are a problem. I hope someone will come along on SR and give you some ideas that will help you.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
staying sober is first and foremost your best defense!! you hold on to your sobriety and don't let go, no matter what.
the only way to begin to get a handle on finances is to truly know what the finances ARE. that means rounding up all the bills, statements, whatnots and putting it all down. this will be your start to building a budget that you can live with. it may seem like the worst thing to do, pile on the "damage" in one place, but how else will you truly know?
then you can begin to prioritize. what absolutely needs attention NOW, what can wait a few more days, what is the least amount you can pay and still satisfy the lender or obligation.
this is also the time to really review not only WHAT you spend but HOW you spend. that latte a day can really add up. impulse buying, or not shopping with a plan and a list, can bust any budget. do you need to gajillion giga-whatsits phone plan? what about cable? are you energy conscious around the home? what about trips to the salon? do you drive unnecessarily instead of planning a single trip with multiple stops? do you limit the amount you spend on any one thing in any one day?
roll up your sleeves and get to it! get on top of the money monster. be in charge!
the only way to begin to get a handle on finances is to truly know what the finances ARE. that means rounding up all the bills, statements, whatnots and putting it all down. this will be your start to building a budget that you can live with. it may seem like the worst thing to do, pile on the "damage" in one place, but how else will you truly know?
then you can begin to prioritize. what absolutely needs attention NOW, what can wait a few more days, what is the least amount you can pay and still satisfy the lender or obligation.
this is also the time to really review not only WHAT you spend but HOW you spend. that latte a day can really add up. impulse buying, or not shopping with a plan and a list, can bust any budget. do you need to gajillion giga-whatsits phone plan? what about cable? are you energy conscious around the home? what about trips to the salon? do you drive unnecessarily instead of planning a single trip with multiple stops? do you limit the amount you spend on any one thing in any one day?
roll up your sleeves and get to it! get on top of the money monster. be in charge!
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