Pajanickah

Well, it looks like I've found my way back here. I am just coming off a 9 day binge. Managed to screw up my life but pull it all back together during that time. I quit both of my jobs and basicly just drank everything in sight for those 9 days with maybe 12 hours of sobriety each day. I also got a job that I start next week. It's the only silver lining I have in this situation.

I feel terrible. I haven't felt this bad since my first withdrawal. I just came off of Benzos after a two year taper, so I don't have access to any medication to help with this withdrawal. My friend offered me a few and I may take her up on that seeing that my anxiety is the highest I think it's ever been. I have to stop today. I need to really buckle down and turn my life around. So for the next few days I ask for your support. During my first withdrawal I was one of those rare people who had DT's so I'm honestly scared.

I normally don't go on binges for this long and when I had DT's I was coming off of three years of heavy daily drinking. Has anyone here experienced DT's after a smaller bender? I drank nothing but wine. Never less than 2 bottles a day and no more than three (yesterday). I look forward to throwing myself into getting through this.

doggonecarl

Enough time for a supervised detox perhaps?

ChloeRose63

I thought that my withdrawls from binging would get easier if I drank lots of water when I drank alcohol. But, it wasn't any easier and somehow felt worse because I knew what it felt like to start to seizure and hallucinate. I counted the hours since my last drink for a whole week. I prayed alot during my last withdrawl because I really thought I wasn't going to make it through without brain damage. Enough is enough. I have had my last Day 1 forever.

january161992

its the 1st drink that gets us drunk not the 20th

we cant get drunk without that 1st drink

our choice is between miserable unhappy drunken drinking and all the consequences

or

not taking 1 drink

God bless

Pajanickah

I'm trying to do this at home. I do understand if it gets too intense, I will go.

onlygod

I am glad you are seeing that there is an end to your self-misery. Drowning in alcohol isn't the solution. You can and will get healthy by living a sober life. I believe in you and you will be successful!

Stand with me, you are not alone. We will prevail!

Pajanickah

It's crazy cause I thought about all of that when I took my first sip. "One is too many and 1000 is never enough."

It's like I mentally planned on doing this. It's crazy. Even with the thought of intense withdrawal. I know this is kindling and the past two years I was able to over the withdrawals with my Benzos. I'm so glad I'm off them and cant just go to the store and purchase them like I can with wine. I don't know why I haven't ended this madness years ago like I did when I first became sober.

january161992

you can also call your local AA hotline for support and actually speak to another alcoholic who understands

MetalRose

Not only do you have to do this, you CAN do this. I don't have any experience with DTs, but I'm thinking you should at least make a phone call to a doctor or visit a local Urgent Care for medical advice if you don't have time for a supervised detox as doggonecarl suggested.

Stay Strong. Make a list of your top three reasons to be sober and recite/read them often, clear your home of all booze, reach out to a close friend or family member who can be with you through the initial days of detox.

The new job is an all new beginning, the opportunity to start fresh with a clean slate. The brightest days ahead can only be seen sober.

Obladi

Hi, so glad you're here and wanted to add my support for you.

If you've had the worst of withdrawals (hallucinations, seizures, heart rate > 130), you should go to an ER. They can give you safe treatment. I'd strongly caution you about self-medication. That's what got you (us) here in the first place, right?

Otherwise, I can only tell you what I did in those earliest of days - pace, lay down, pace some more, drink a ton of water, and repeat. Pacing helped a lot with the anxiety. Oh, that plus measured breathing throughout all of the above. If my memory is correct, I was able to be still long enough to start on Netflix viewing by about 16 hours in.

Anyhow that's about me - just trying to offer some help. I hope you found something in all of that.

O

Pajanickah

My heart rate right now is at 81bpm. That was a relief. I'm only about 15 hours in. My body feels like it hollowed out, I'm drinking water religiously and trying to force myself to eat. Keyword force. I can't believe I brought myself back to this place.

Obladi

You're doing good things.

Pajanickah

Honestly the only thing getting me through the day is coming here. I have absolutely no energy. My AV keeps telling me to go to the store and buy beer, not wine. It's annoying. Little things are terrifying me. Like stupid things. I can honestly say I haven't felt this bad in years.

Mac4711

Paja,
Please stay with us and keep posted on an hourly basis! Best wishes!

MetalRose

Read some of the threads in the "Stories of Recovery" forum.
They are quite powerful and should provide you further motivation to stay the course. You can do this!

Pajanickah

I'm not going anywhere. Honestly I've been reading the stories for a few days now. My anxiety has somewhat subsided but I'm sure it will return. I'm finding it hard to concentrate and am chain smoking cigarettes. I'm usually good during the day, just TERRIFIED about the evening. I keep obsessing that someone is going to call me with some bad news. Smh.

Pajanickah

I also have the shakes. I've never had the shakes as a side effect before, so that scares me too.

Mac4711

Is somebody with you or close by in case things go south? Or your phone and a doctor on speed dial?

Pajanickah

Trying to take it very simple today. I have everything I need inside of my apartment. Trying not to think too much about the future because I start obsessing on it very badly. I honestly don't want to get off the couch because everything feels so overwhelming to me. This is usually how my Day 1 goes. Really worried about this evening wondering if I'm gonna be staring at the ceiling all night long obsessing on everything I need to do. I really wish I could start this job like tomorrow to help me focus on something positive. Hope I feel okay tomorrow so I can get out and walk or something. It's not healthy to stay in your house days at a time. Idk.

Pajanickah

I have multiple close friends calling me constantly.