noturningback2

So today is a big big deal, I have never, ever had 90 days alcohol free, when I haven't been pregnant. Not since I was 14 years old. I am 35 now. I don't post often, but I lurk and read still. Ive tried and failed many many times, as I have said before, but this time it stuck. And the reason its stuck for me?? Nobody was telling me to get sober, no ultimatum was given to me which was forcing my hand. Infact my last night of drinking had no crazy outcome, it was uneventful. Of course I felt the guilt and anxiety the next day as I always did, but in the scheme of things during my drinking years. It was a tame night. I just woke up the next day, and knew I was done, i had some clarity from somewhere. I had decided enough was enough, nobody decided for me. And truly no matter what crazy stuff happened in the past and how many times people were concerned, or I was told I needed to stop, it was never enough to make me stop. I had to choose that for myself.

Which in turn has made a difference in how i view alcohol. Family have said they wont drink around me to support me, which angers me. I know they mean well, but as i say to them, this is my CHOICE, i can have a drink if i wish, I'm an adult, i can have a drink with you if i want to. But i CHOOSE not to, so you go ahead, i choose to have a soft drink. Me having the power back is a whole different ball game, to giving it up under force and being a dry drunk.

So how is life alcohol free, is it boring?? NO!!!Life isn't boring, life is more colourful and open to me than ever before. Sure, ive lost friends, ive lost invites to places. But I realised I was only getting those invites because misery loves company....know what I mean? Ive since realised those people drink an awful lot and do stupid stuff, and up until now, having me there with them, meant they were never the craziest one there. They could justify their actions, because I was worse, so it made what they did ok. And vice versa. Now, I hold a mirror up to their actions, and they don't like it. Now, the people i considered good friends hide their drinking from me, they lie and say they only had a few drinks, no big deal. You cant bull sh*t a previous bullsh*tter, you got messed up and you are ashamed to admit it, i hope one day they wake up to themselves too. Especially when with a clear mind you begin to realise how little time we have in the long run, and how much time was wasted curled in bed ill, or not present in our lives.

ive purposely not said I have made it to 90 days, as that implies a struggle. And honestly, after the first 2 weeks, it wasn't. I'm giving my life morebeautiful reasons to be sober than I have to drink. And now, I actually have a healthy fear of alcohol. Something I should have felt long ago. I'm afraid to take another drink, in the same way I was too afraid to ever try crack, because i knew and was educated on the risks involved. I know the risks alcohol poses to me, i am a person that cannot drink. Once this was accepted, the rest become liberating and easy. Ive babbled enough, but i know when i joined i liked to hear success stories, than what can seem like the constant stream of relapse stories, that occasionally made me fear, to be free and sober was impossible. Everyones story and journey is different. Keep strong and fight the good fight!

Stronger2017

Great job on 90 days😃

Cuckoo

Great job noturningback........you have really given me a huge lift today.
Thankyou
C

Mountainmanbob

Mine did the same for a while. We should not wish to knock their support. I have read of many here on site that get none at home. In sobriety we try to count our blessings and let the resentments go.

Just those two things can be a full time job.

Good luck,
M-Bob

doggonecarl

I'm with Cockoo...uplifting post.

Jules714

Congrats!
Awesome job!!
Jules

Dee74

Imma congratulate you anyway - great job

D

Flinders39

I could have written this myself. Congrats and many more sober days ahead!

hpdw

Inspiring post ,90 days is excellent . I'm 12 days behind you and I can with all honesty say I have never had cravings after the first 3 or 4 days once the physical bit was over . I,m about to prepare a buffet for my son,s birthday and alcohol hasn't entered my head its not an option ,not now .

neferkamichael

Noturningback2, 90 days is just FANTASTIC, congratulations. By the time your my age you'll have saved a 100 grand or more, rootin for ya.

noturningback2

thanks everyone! lovely to feel myself growing as a person at long last and finding who I am without booze in my life. Turns out, I aint so bad afterall lol

PeacefulWater12

Congratulations on 90 days. Good work.

D122y

Not,

Congrats!

Curious if you are on any rx meds?

Quitting for me this last and final time was pretty much the opossite of easy.

I suffered and still suffer at times.

It was easy when I quit in my mid 20's for 8 months.

I was totally uneducated and quit hoping to see what happens.

I quit, nothing really changed....so I started drinking again.

Quitting was easy...I figured.

After a while, a long slow degenerative process happened.

It was subtle. Many folks noticed, but I was blind by my addiction.

It hurt me in subtle ways.

I was losing my physical and mental state to addiction.

Now, well over 2 years since I have gotten drunk, life is easier and I am healthier.

I am still healing though. I may never fully recover.

SR saved me.

Readytodothis

Congratulations! I love hearing that your life has significantly improved without alcohol. I'm 5 days in and cannot wait to be where you are today. All the best!

Obladi

So glad to read about your emancipation from the craziness of addiction. Though I haven't gotten there yet, I can just about taste the goodness of doing what is right for ME. Like you, not because of outside forces, but because of my individual need and desire to be true to my principles.

O