Please talk me out of drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Please talk me out of drinking
Really need someone's help today.
Just had an awful confrontation on the phone with my Father.
To cut a long story short I'm a couple of months sober and I have a very fractured relationship with him. I have been trying to deal with issues going back years, trying to square and sort things out in my own mind and this is the very first time I have really been honest with him, tbh it is long overdue. He did not want to listen to it but I couldn't not do it.
I thought there would be relief after having this discussion but all I feel is pain, I'm shaking from fear and I really want to drink.
Just had an awful confrontation on the phone with my Father.
To cut a long story short I'm a couple of months sober and I have a very fractured relationship with him. I have been trying to deal with issues going back years, trying to square and sort things out in my own mind and this is the very first time I have really been honest with him, tbh it is long overdue. He did not want to listen to it but I couldn't not do it.
I thought there would be relief after having this discussion but all I feel is pain, I'm shaking from fear and I really want to drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi culture
I'm sorry that the conversation went badly.
Drinking would only hurt you more tho.
After many years of difficulties with my parents I finally worked out that I didn't have to conform to their ideals or to listen to the constant negative self talk they left me with.
I realised that I am an adult now and I can make my own life... and my family of friends and loved ones - the family I've chosen - is as good as a man can get
Confronting people will always be unpredictable.
my advice is to leave confrontations until you're strong enough to deal with any outcome.
til then - don't beat yourself up anymore - it's time for a change
D
I'm sorry that the conversation went badly.
Drinking would only hurt you more tho.
After many years of difficulties with my parents I finally worked out that I didn't have to conform to their ideals or to listen to the constant negative self talk they left me with.
I realised that I am an adult now and I can make my own life... and my family of friends and loved ones - the family I've chosen - is as good as a man can get
Confronting people will always be unpredictable.
my advice is to leave confrontations until you're strong enough to deal with any outcome.
til then - don't beat yourself up anymore - it's time for a change
D
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Culture 
I thought there would be relief after having this discussion but all I feel is pain, I'm shaking from fear and I really want to drink.
You need to discover this yourself. Don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
Hi culture,
I do understand how you’re feeling. Do try to remember that drinking over this will only make you feel worse. You’ve got two solid months of sobriety under your belt. Don’t waste them, please. As far as your father goes, he might not have reacted how you wanted but you’ve expressed your feelings and that has tremendous value in my opinion. Once you’ve had time to settle down and process what happened, you might also feel better about it too.
Anyway, sorry to ramble and I really hope you begin to feel a bit better soon.
I do understand how you’re feeling. Do try to remember that drinking over this will only make you feel worse. You’ve got two solid months of sobriety under your belt. Don’t waste them, please. As far as your father goes, he might not have reacted how you wanted but you’ve expressed your feelings and that has tremendous value in my opinion. Once you’ve had time to settle down and process what happened, you might also feel better about it too.
Anyway, sorry to ramble and I really hope you begin to feel a bit better soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Thank you Dee, doggonecarl and Stronger for the advice and for your replies.
I really appreciate it, I am trying to calm down and will stay inside and not go to the store today, if I don't go out I can't get alcohol.
I really appreciate it, I am trying to calm down and will stay inside and not go to the store today, if I don't go out I can't get alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Culture.
Isn’t it strange? After we get angry and tell someone our truth, we think we will feel better, but we don’t.
I always feel like the other person has won somehow, because I let the control mask slip.
Never mind. Don’t drink. That won’t help.
Let everything in your head settle.
If you have a dog, take it for a walk.
And breathe.
Check back later, okay?
Isn’t it strange? After we get angry and tell someone our truth, we think we will feel better, but we don’t.
I always feel like the other person has won somehow, because I let the control mask slip.
Never mind. Don’t drink. That won’t help.
Let everything in your head settle.
If you have a dog, take it for a walk.
And breathe.
Check back later, okay?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Listen to your own voice.
We are simply here to reflect it.
We don't need to talk you out of it. The YOU who you really are already knows you don't really want to drink. YOU know it's not going to help. YOU know you want sobriety more than temporary and false 'relief'.
We can offer you many reasons and experiences and we can reflect on all the facets of how and why our own not drinking has enriched our lives.....
But the truth is you already have all the knowledge and all the strength you need to choose sobriety TODAY. NOW.
We need not talk you OUT of drinking, because you already know that the path you want continues INTO sobriety.
We are simply here to reflect it.
We don't need to talk you out of it. The YOU who you really are already knows you don't really want to drink. YOU know it's not going to help. YOU know you want sobriety more than temporary and false 'relief'.
We can offer you many reasons and experiences and we can reflect on all the facets of how and why our own not drinking has enriched our lives.....
But the truth is you already have all the knowledge and all the strength you need to choose sobriety TODAY. NOW.
We need not talk you OUT of drinking, because you already know that the path you want continues INTO sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
I wanted to drink this month. I felt hopeless and depressed and anxious and did not want to live. But I knew I would eventually come out of my funk and that if I picked up a drink, things would be SO much worse! If I drank during my funk, I'd come out of the funk (or not) and have to deal with all this new wreckage and get sober all over again. NOT WORTH IT!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by Culture
Really need someone's help today.
Just had an awful confrontation on the phone with my Father.
To cut a long story short I'm a couple of months sober and I have a very fractured relationship with him. I have been trying to deal with issues going back years, trying to square and sort things out in my own mind and this is the very first time I have really been honest with him, tbh it is long overdue. He did not want to listen to it but I couldn't not do it.
I thought there would be relief after having this discussion but all I feel is pain, I'm shaking from fear and I really want to drink.
Just had an awful confrontation on the phone with my Father.
To cut a long story short I'm a couple of months sober and I have a very fractured relationship with him. I have been trying to deal with issues going back years, trying to square and sort things out in my own mind and this is the very first time I have really been honest with him, tbh it is long overdue. He did not want to listen to it but I couldn't not do it.
I thought there would be relief after having this discussion but all I feel is pain, I'm shaking from fear and I really want to drink.
I am very sorry to hear that the conversation with your father didn’t go over so well.
I am struggling with the same issue today, as far as needing to not drink. I’m scared also, very scared. Reading on here and definitely posting helps a lot.
Let’s promise to do this sober thing together? One second at a time. I know from previous sober time I feel a TON better after giving it even just two days.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 132
Hello Culture,
I think you need something nice and distracting. You think staying inside is best, so I hope one of these ideas can help you:
1.Listen to Flower Travellin' Band on Youtube. It's like a Japanese version of Black Sabbath, and about 50 years old. Relaxing!
2. Do some housework. Feel a sense of accomplishment, exercise, and nice surroundings.
3. Watch a documentary. Bruce Lee?
4. Sort through old photos. Make a collage.
5. Find a beautiful picture. Then draw it as best you can.
6. Call a friend or family member. Explain how you feel, or just tell them you were thinking about them.
Good luck.
I think you need something nice and distracting. You think staying inside is best, so I hope one of these ideas can help you:
1.Listen to Flower Travellin' Band on Youtube. It's like a Japanese version of Black Sabbath, and about 50 years old. Relaxing!
2. Do some housework. Feel a sense of accomplishment, exercise, and nice surroundings.
3. Watch a documentary. Bruce Lee?
4. Sort through old photos. Make a collage.
5. Find a beautiful picture. Then draw it as best you can.
6. Call a friend or family member. Explain how you feel, or just tell them you were thinking about them.
Good luck.
Last edited by Rubaduck; 10-17-2017 at 06:59 AM. Reason: Fell -> feel (typo)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I understand your feelings of wanting to lay things out with your father. I suspect that you were hoping for understanding/apologies from him and it didn't come out that way. Look at this as a learning experience and do whatever it takes to get through it. The next time will be easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Maudcat
Hi, Culture.
Isn’t it strange? After we get angry and tell someone our truth, we think we will feel better, but we don’t.
I always feel like the other person has won somehow, because I let the control mask slip.
Never mind. Don’t drink. That won’t help.
Let everything in your head settle.
If you have a dog, take it for a walk.
And breathe.
Check back later, okay?
Isn’t it strange? After we get angry and tell someone our truth, we think we will feel better, but we don’t.
I always feel like the other person has won somehow, because I let the control mask slip.
Never mind. Don’t drink. That won’t help.
Let everything in your head settle.
If you have a dog, take it for a walk.
And breathe.
Check back later, okay?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Dee74
I hope you stayed in Culture
D
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Listen to your own voice.
We are simply here to reflect it.
We don't need to talk you out of it. The YOU who you really are already knows you don't really want to drink. YOU know it's not going to help. YOU know you want sobriety more than temporary and false 'relief'.
We can offer you many reasons and experiences and we can reflect on all the facets of how and why our own not drinking has enriched our lives.....
But the truth is you already have all the knowledge and all the strength you need to choose sobriety TODAY. NOW.
We need not talk you OUT of drinking, because you already know that the path you want continues INTO sobriety.
We are simply here to reflect it.
We don't need to talk you out of it. The YOU who you really are already knows you don't really want to drink. YOU know it's not going to help. YOU know you want sobriety more than temporary and false 'relief'.
We can offer you many reasons and experiences and we can reflect on all the facets of how and why our own not drinking has enriched our lives.....
But the truth is you already have all the knowledge and all the strength you need to choose sobriety TODAY. NOW.
We need not talk you OUT of drinking, because you already know that the path you want continues INTO sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Bunny211
I wanted to drink this month. I felt hopeless and depressed and anxious and did not want to live. But I knew I would eventually come out of my funk and that if I picked up a drink, things would be SO much worse! If I drank during my funk, I'd come out of the funk (or not) and have to deal with all this new wreckage and get sober all over again. NOT WORTH IT!
I hope you feel better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by GreenSwimmer
Hey Culture,
I am very sorry to hear that the conversation with your father didn’t go over so well.
I am struggling with the same issue today, as far as needing to not drink. I’m scared also, very scared. Reading on here and definitely posting helps a lot.
Let’s promise to do this sober thing together? One second at a time. I know from previous sober time I feel a TON better after giving it even just two days.
I am very sorry to hear that the conversation with your father didn’t go over so well.
I am struggling with the same issue today, as far as needing to not drink. I’m scared also, very scared. Reading on here and definitely posting helps a lot.
Let’s promise to do this sober thing together? One second at a time. I know from previous sober time I feel a TON better after giving it even just two days.
Support to you my friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Rubaduck
Hello Culture,
I think you need something nice and distracting. You think staying inside is best, so I hope one of these ideas can help you:
1.Listen to Flower Travellin' Band on Youtube. It's like a Japanese version of Black Sabbath, and about 50 years old. Relaxing!
2. Do some housework. Feel a sense of accomplishment, exercise, and nice surroundings.
3. Watch a documentary. Bruce Lee?
4. Sort through old photos. Make a collage.
5. Find a beautiful picture. Then draw it as best you can.
6. Call a friend or family member. Explain how you feel, or just tell them you were thinking about them.
Good luck.
I think you need something nice and distracting. You think staying inside is best, so I hope one of these ideas can help you:
1.Listen to Flower Travellin' Band on Youtube. It's like a Japanese version of Black Sabbath, and about 50 years old. Relaxing!
2. Do some housework. Feel a sense of accomplishment, exercise, and nice surroundings.
3. Watch a documentary. Bruce Lee?
4. Sort through old photos. Make a collage.
5. Find a beautiful picture. Then draw it as best you can.
6. Call a friend or family member. Explain how you feel, or just tell them you were thinking about them.
Good luck.
I actually ended up talking it through with my son and that has helped to calm my mood and I haven't drank.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Anna
I understand your feelings of wanting to lay things out with your father. I suspect that you were hoping for understanding/apologies from him and it didn't come out that way. Look at this as a learning experience and do whatever it takes to get through it. The next time will be easier.
You were so spot on. I was looking for understanding from him, I am the only one of his children who even still speaks to him. Sadly, he has rewritten the past and I have got to the point where I think I will have to cut him out of my life for good. I just can't keep on with him any longer it is too painful to pretend he wasn't a violent, drunken bully who everyone was scared of.
I talked it through with my son and he has calmed me down and I won't drink.
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