I'm an alcoholic...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 13
I'm an alcoholic...
Today is the first time I have ever called myself one and realized it's the cold hard truth. My drinking has gotten so out control I missed work many times over the past few months. Yesterday I woke up with so many bruises from falling down I lost count. That is what truly scared me, I looked like I had gotten run over and remember none of it.
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my drinking. When we started dating I never went to bars, he had gotten a DUI prior to us being together and then him and I started drinking together. But I can't blame it on him. Problem was I got out of control. One shot became six and then I was buying alcohol without him. Falling down and rude at times. I'm so full of shame. I've never realized it was this bad until today. I feel so embarrassed for myself but at least I've accepted I have a serious problem. I've accepted I cannot trust myself to even one drink. Hopefully I can change and mend some of the things I have broken. This is my first step.
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my drinking. When we started dating I never went to bars, he had gotten a DUI prior to us being together and then him and I started drinking together. But I can't blame it on him. Problem was I got out of control. One shot became six and then I was buying alcohol without him. Falling down and rude at times. I'm so full of shame. I've never realized it was this bad until today. I feel so embarrassed for myself but at least I've accepted I have a serious problem. I've accepted I cannot trust myself to even one drink. Hopefully I can change and mend some of the things I have broken. This is my first step.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,705
Glad you are here for support. You took the right step. You will find alot of support to help you stay sober because the alcoholic lifestyle is not a way to live but, rather the path to a distructive, miserable, lonely and ultimately deadly road. You should be very serious about never, ever picking up another alcoholic drink! Commit to a sober life right now and get all the help you can. We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
Welcome BellRene.
You will no doubt be feeling very fragile right now, especially with your break up. Sorry for what brings you here. Time will help a lot and you will get through this. We empathise, do not judge and wish you well.
You will no doubt be feeling very fragile right now, especially with your break up. Sorry for what brings you here. Time will help a lot and you will get through this. We empathise, do not judge and wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Hi Bellrene! Welcome to SR. Sending you my support today!
Hey, I know it's not easy, but do your best to let go of the guilt and shame. Those emotions won't serve you well. Your responsibility is to accept the consequences for your actions. So accept the consequences - in fact, embrace them. But guilt and shame go beyond that. Let those emotions go. Push forward. Be positive. You've made an enormously courageous decision to improve your life and there is a great new life waiting for you.
Hey, I know it's not easy, but do your best to let go of the guilt and shame. Those emotions won't serve you well. Your responsibility is to accept the consequences for your actions. So accept the consequences - in fact, embrace them. But guilt and shame go beyond that. Let those emotions go. Push forward. Be positive. You've made an enormously courageous decision to improve your life and there is a great new life waiting for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Make a plan to stay sober. Write it down. Follow it daily,hourly,by the minute if you need to. Life is so much better without the shame,guilt,drama,ect...that comes from drinking once you've crossed the 'invisible line'. We are all like you and have been/still are where you are. You'll find nothing but support here. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
Your story sounds quite similar to mine, at least the part about your boyfriend breaking up with you. I was in a very serious relationship with the women I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. We were inseparable. We were both heavy drinkers, she'd be fun and happy, I would start that way, and then get mean.
After TOO MANY chances, she finally had enough and she walked out of my life. I was beyond crushed, and I knew I had nobody to blame but myself. I'm 28 days sober today, and I've used that horrible situation to fuel my recovery. I'm done hurting people, end of story for me.
It wasn't easy, the shame, guilt, anxiety, I was forced to FEEL these awful feelings. I wanted to drink them away so bad. I didn't. I made a plan, I have spent countless hours here, I've integrated fitness into my story, I've done things I've never done before, and 4 weeks today is the best feeling I've ever had.
I know, someday, I'll have a family. And I know, now, I can do it and be happy.
Use your feelings to motivate, not to drag you down. I picture my ex telling me she doesn't love me anymore, THAT feeling is worse then any hangover, and that's what my drinking resulted in.
Best of luck, one day at a time. You can do this!
After TOO MANY chances, she finally had enough and she walked out of my life. I was beyond crushed, and I knew I had nobody to blame but myself. I'm 28 days sober today, and I've used that horrible situation to fuel my recovery. I'm done hurting people, end of story for me.
It wasn't easy, the shame, guilt, anxiety, I was forced to FEEL these awful feelings. I wanted to drink them away so bad. I didn't. I made a plan, I have spent countless hours here, I've integrated fitness into my story, I've done things I've never done before, and 4 weeks today is the best feeling I've ever had.
I know, someday, I'll have a family. And I know, now, I can do it and be happy.
Use your feelings to motivate, not to drag you down. I picture my ex telling me she doesn't love me anymore, THAT feeling is worse then any hangover, and that's what my drinking resulted in.
Best of luck, one day at a time. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
Originally Posted by BellRene 
To know that others can relate means so much to me. I can't stop crying today but being on here is what is keeping my feet on the ground
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Portsmouth, England
Posts: 818
Welcome. ....So glad you found us.
cry if you need to... scream or shout if you need to... but be kind to yourself. Its very early days and you will feel like you are on a rollercoaster. totally normal. Rest lots... eat well.... drink LOTS of water... sleep.... and post here whenever you want/need.
Picking up a drink will help nothing. Alcohol is your past... Sobriety and happiness is your future. Nobody will judge you here. We have all been there.
Sending you so much love and support. xxx Pebbles. xxxx
cry if you need to... scream or shout if you need to... but be kind to yourself. Its very early days and you will feel like you are on a rollercoaster. totally normal. Rest lots... eat well.... drink LOTS of water... sleep.... and post here whenever you want/need.
Picking up a drink will help nothing. Alcohol is your past... Sobriety and happiness is your future. Nobody will judge you here. We have all been there.
Sending you so much love and support. xxx Pebbles. xxxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 13
You guys are awesome. Reading what some of you have gone through and overcome doesn't make me feel so alone or like I have to hide anymore. This kind of support is what I've been missing. I will post again when I've made more progress and hopefully get to know some of you here
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 1,285
Welcome!!!
When I first walked into the rooms of AA, I was scared and angry and confused. I didn't know what to do or where to go. But those AA folks told me to keep coming back, and so I did. In time I began to want what they had, and so I started doing what they do. Before I knew it, I was one of them, and today I am so grateful for that! It gets better, I promise. But it will take time, faith, and it will take action.
It does get easier, but of course it takes time. Just remember, you are not alone, and by all means keep coming back.
When I first walked into the rooms of AA, I was scared and angry and confused. I didn't know what to do or where to go. But those AA folks told me to keep coming back, and so I did. In time I began to want what they had, and so I started doing what they do. Before I knew it, I was one of them, and today I am so grateful for that! It gets better, I promise. But it will take time, faith, and it will take action.
It does get easier, but of course it takes time. Just remember, you are not alone, and by all means keep coming back.
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